Would it change the way you read my words if you knew I made six figures?
I’ve been struggling to show up here. Many nights I don’t even think about writing here, but even when I do I usually think, meh, I’d rather read or play Wordscapes.
I have been wondering why the idea of writing is not as enticing as it used to be. I think part of it is the current political climate and how exhausting it is to just exist in this country right now when you have any idea what is happening. But there are other factors at play as well.
As I’ve mentioned before, many of the blogs in my reader these days are not strictly personal blogs but instead are personal finance, or minimalism, or lifestyle blogs that masquerade as personal blogs, or at least looked enough like them originally that I kind of forget they are actually selling something (some of them are very literally selling books, or workshops by the author, but many others are simply selling a philosophy, out-look or way of life). Even some blogs that used to be personal blogs have returned rebranded, with a very different tone.
And I do believe there is very much a place for blogs like these. When you are trying to change your life, you want to find the people who have already changed theirs, and follow in their footsteps. Many of these blogs are quite popular, and I understand why.
But I also feel like there is so much that is not said on these blogs, so much privilege that is rarely, or never, acknowledged, so much financial success and/or security that is not mentioned, so much that has to be read between the lines
I’ve been wondering why this bothers me so much. I mean, everyone else clearly realizes that these things are not being said and they don’t care. And yes, I can understand that people who make a lot of money still need communities to talk about how to manage their busy lives/embrace minimalism/organize their belongings, space, and time/maximize the potential benefits of outsourcing/learn how, or why, to budget, etc. But it feels like these blogs are written for everybody (or that is the intention of the author), and yet the lives of the authors are so inaccessible to so many people.
I know I don’t have to read these blogs. (I have unsubscribed from many of them, but a few still linger in my reader.) I don’t begrudge anyone their platform or what they want to say. I am very much aware that I don’t have to engage with anyone’s words if I don’t want to.
But I have realized that what bothers me is not so much these people and their unwillingness to recognize their privilege. It’s a deeply rooted fear that I don’t recognize my own privilege enough, and that my privilege renders null and void anything I have to say.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read a blog post where ABC espoused XYZ and I immediately thought, yeah but I know that their combined income is $#00,000 (where # is greater than or equal to three) so can XYZ even be relevant to me? Does everyone else who reads this and finds it relevant make $#00,000 too? Or I think, yeah, but ABC has an incredible job that is personally fulfilling AND flexible so does anything ABC has to say about making life feel more meaningful be helpful for me?
What I didn’t realize was happening every time I thought things like that, was I was watering a seed I never realized had been planted, and that seed was the suggestion that I make enough now, and have a stable enough marriage, and have an easy enough of time parenting, and a decent enough job, and involved enough grandparents, that my experiences and ideas are no longer valid, or worth… well, anything.
I do make six figures now. We reached the final step in a 9% raise we’ve been getting over the past three years and now with my salary, plus my masters stipend and the cash-in-lieu I still receive (despite it no longer being offered — I’m grandfathered in) for not accessing our district’s health insurance, I now make $100,084 a year. I am only one step away from my district’s salary ceiling, so this is pretty much it, but still, I technically make six figures.
Does that negate what I have to say?
My husband makes around what I do. He is also at the higher end of his salary schedule. We’ll likely never make any more than we’re making right now, but it’s still good money. We’ll never make enough to have a full time nanny, to essentially pay another person’s salary – to provide their livelihood – but we make more than most of America does. I doubt I need to remind anyone that that means we make more than most people in the world.
I’ve read a lot about wealthy people in America, how they don’t want to flaunt their financial resources, and do want to think they’re they same as everyone else, and really struggle to understand just how much their wealth provides them, how much it sets them apart. It’s easy, when you live with other people who make as much as you do, to forget how much you have.
I know I forget. I forget all the time. Even when I recognize how much easier it feels now that we make more, and aren’t spending a large portion of it on child care, I still forget. It’s always easy to worry about money. It’s always easy to feel like there isn’t enough, or at the very least that we could use more. I want to travel and not have to kick my husband and cat out to AirBnB our house. Our current car payments are as much as our childcare payments used to be, so it doesn’t feel like we have that much more. But we also have a BRAND NEW CAR. That’s ELECTRIC. I’ve never had a brand new car in my life. And getting a car like this would never have been possible even two or three years ago.
So yeah, I’m just reckoning with what feels like a new-found financial stability. Sure I don’t love my job, but it certainly does pay nicely. And yes, it pays nicely because I’ve been there for 15 years and spent a fortune to get my masters so I could move over on the pay scale, but the raise I got for that masters has finally paid off how much it cost to actually get the masters (this took 8 years), so I’m finally reaping the rewards. And I get to do that because I was lucky enough to not have to leave my job because of health reasons, or to take care of family, or to move for myself or my spouse, or any of the myriad reasons that people have to leave their jobs and start again at the bottom of the pay schedule (this is one of the biggest problems with teaching – how much earning power you lose when you switch jobs).
Our cultural narratives celebrate the people who pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make something of themselves despite their meager beginnings. We put more worth on the messages of those in the struggle, those navigating hardship, those who are forced to fight. I’m not quite what place the voice of a white, straight, cisgender, neurotypical, financially stable, woman has in the current conversation. I’m not sure what I should say.
Maybe it’s time to stop writing, and just listen for a while.
I do think your perspective matters. I have learned a lot from reading your blog. I experience your writing voice as reflective and transparent, but beyond that sometimes you just need to vent! It’s great that you are taking a listening posture – and that is part of what makes your blog a pleasure to read. At the same time, there is a tone of value in just hearing your point of view as you, in your position of mixed privileges and challenges.
*ton of value 😉
Ha! Sometimes I do need to vent. I think too much! And I’ve tried to vent less (which is probably why I write less!) but also I feel the need to vent less I guess. That is kind of what this post is about – when life is good, what do I write about? I’m not really sure.
This post definitely made me think. I may be someone referenced in it (as someone you read or used to read). I’ve been posting since I was a student with very little cash, but now earn much more. I am very aware of how lucky I am, and I hope that some of that awareness comes across in my writing/podcast/etc. But I still feel my thoughts, ideas, strategies are relevant enough to put out there. Does earning over a certain theshold make me too privileged to share my feelings? I hope not.
I still read your blog because you come across as very real. I read bloggers who are wealthier than we are, and those who have much less. I actually really enjoy some frugality blogs (The Frugal Girl comes to mind). The only thing that drives me away is overly curated content or an MLM-like structure (why I would NEVER sell Beachbody, even though I like the workouts).
Anyway. I appreciate this post as it made me think.
I actually didn’t read you when you started writing your blog, and was really surprised you have been writing it that long (when you mentioned it recently in relation to the start of your new space). So no, you aren’t one of those people. You manage to be really relatable despite the fact that I recognize your household makes more than mine. But you also have something you are offering (ways to use planners and planning) that is accessible to anyone and is productive (along with everything else you write about). I don’t really have that. I think a lot of what this about is just having something to offer. I’m not really sure what that is at this point.
Thank you for writing this post and thank you, Sarah, for linking to this post on your blog! I enjoyed reading this and thinking over some of the statements. I often wish these could be coffee date conversations, because I would love to discuss these ideas with you both in ways other than one off comments.
I think a lot of us worry about sharing openly nowadays for fear of being judged, but for me, it makes it that much more important for us to all share our perspectives so we can learn from each other. I’ve grown the most when I’ve had open and honest conversations, even with different viewpoints, from open-hearted friends, both in person and online. I try the best I can to share my truth/perspective/experiences and appreciate and respect when others do the same (with kindness and with a goal of connection, not trying to morally one-up one another).
Again, thanks for writing. It’s a lot of good food for thought!
I think this is such an important perspective; I think people who are the things you are, but still focus on helping those who do not have and send their kids to city schools are a tremendously necessary voice to hear.
You also live in a very high cost of living area, so I used a cost of living calculator to see how that compared to my life in the rust belt. You would still make quite a bit more than my household, but are in line with a lot of friends I have, who have the same issues you state.
I hope you keep writing, I’ve always enjoyed your posts.
I think the upper-middle class parent sending her kids to a city school is something I should actually write more about. Especially since I’m an educator myself. But that is such a complicated topic and I worry I will come at it with my privileged biases. But I need to push past that and just write about it because it is important, and it’s something I might have a unique perspective on.
Yep, this really made me think as well. I would say we are in the same situation as you—similar household income but high COL area and some other expenses that leave us without appreciable savings or ability to outsource as much as some (but yet, much more than others!) I still write as honestly as I can about my life, mostly as a creative outlet, but also because I love reading personal blogs and I imagine others feel the same, so why not?
In a more general sense, I think everyone’s story is different and valuable. Having a huge depth and breadth of experiences and lifestyles to read about helps me develop empathy (you never know from the outside what suffering may be underneath a seemingly “perfect” life which is why I love honest and open bloggers like you!) and also to learn more about myself and how to shape my life going forward.
I agree so so much with listening more than talking, but I really do hope you keep this space, friend!
100K in SF is not the same as 100K in Iowa, Bakersfield, etc.
I hope you keep writing. And it helps me recognize my own privilege when I read other people’s writings about it.
I know $100K does not stretch as far in SF as other places, but it’s still a lot. And I will keep writing, I just need to find something productive to say.
It’s a lot in that you don’t experience housing or food insecurity and you can easily afford clothes, phones, etc. But it doesn’t allow you to live the life you had growing up and it makes saving for college very difficult.
It’s funny, my knee jerk reaction was to think WOW, $200k?? And then I realized that with your cost of living, that’s probably pretty comparable to what we make/pay. Our town is tiny but stupid expensive, so it all evens out. Ha! At any rate, I think it’s good to acknowledge our own privilege, but that doesn’t mean our experiences and struggles aren’t also valid. Keep on writing!
I hope you keep writing. I always look forward to your posts. And with SF COL it’s not as much as it sounds! I have much to say that I can’t right now so I’ll just leave it with I hope you keep writing. 🙂
I hope you keep writing as well as listening because I find a great deal of grounding and reminding and air clearing about the pressures your generation is under in your writings. I think it is because you listen and reflect, remembering and acknowledging your privileges which do not cure all problems and stresses.
I think your story is important to hear and that it is more helpful than some ‘extreme frugality lead being able to leave extremely highly paid positions with continuing amazing income streams’ stories’ that are less normative.
You are now moving out of the period of growing a family and into the middle portions of raising children who will be approaching and entering ‘tween’ & teen years, you are out of career beginnings into established working realities, no longer a new first home owner but an established home maintainer. This can sound mundane, not exciting, routine, but it is the foundation all our lives are dependent upon. I have seen this described as the ‘time of consolidation’ but that underplays dramatically the very real problems and issues of this time. It really is the hero’s journey part of our lives with one step in front of the next when the horizon does not appear to change.
I look back to when I was there, I look at my children who are there now, I read you and SHU and others. And, I am so very proud for you all, because I see both the trail my generation (and those before me) blazed under your feet and the brilliance of how wonderfully better you are dealing with the trolls and pitfalls and hardships and different stresses of today. You are creating and raising the circumstances and people for tomorrow’s future … you give me hope. (And hope today is really really really important and hard to find and hold on to.)
I want to add my bit too. Your words are valuable because you are. You’re not telling people that your way is best. You’re telling people how you think and feel and what you’re doing. This is how I’ve tried to pitch my own blog. I know that as far as childless women go, I’m lucky because my culture and (lack of) religion mean that I have an easier time of it than some other women. But if I can talk about what helps me, and what I learn, then maybe that will be of value to others. In fact, the very act of blogging helps me sort out my own thoughts. Just as by talking about what you do, and think and feel is valuable and interesting to others, and I hope to you.
The fact that you think and question and talk about issues such as privilege means you are more open to question yourself, and hence more insightful than many who blog. That’s a good reason to keep blogging. But ultimately, you need to feel that you get value from it too.
I found my way to this post from SHU. And wow, yes, yes, yes.
I feel similarly, not only in relation to certain blogs (that I’ve also largely stopped reading because I realized I was getting angry for reasons that were entirely controllable by me) but also with an increasing awareness of my own privilege (which is a word I’m not crazy about because it obfuscates too much). I don’t make 6 figures, and it’s unlikely I will in my field, at my particular university, at any time in the near future (or ever). Still I’m quite solidly middle-to-upper-middle class with an extended family that has a great deal of financial capital (now, this was not true until about 20 years ago). That’s meant I have a safety net for all kinds of things (fertility treatment, new roof on the house, etc); I have a really weird relationship to money, because I grew up without it (the greatest luxury I could imagine was a 64 pack of crayons) and now have more than enough. There are times I now spend a great deal (having moved into a new house) and in other ways I am incredibly frugal.
I could keep going. I really appreciate what you have to say here. You DO have something to say; the tricky thing, as you note, is pretending to speak for the masses when you actually have much more and don’t acknowledge.