First I wanted to thank everyone who commented on my last post. I really appreciated your perspectives. I’m definitely in a place where taking in other people’s words feels like a better use of my time than writing my own. I have SO MANY books I want to read, and not enough time to read them at the pace I want to. And I’m not sure if forcing myself to show up here is the right move. I think there are definitely times when pushing past lags of an enthusiasm is the right move, I’m just not sure if it is for me now. The reality is that if I force myself to write even when I don’t want to, I can’t actually do any real damage (I don’t have to worry about burn out because my livelihood doesn’t depend on my ability to write), so maybe I’ll push myself and see where it takes me.
I definitely want to think more about WHAT I should write. I think one of the reasons I felt compelled to write that post is that I want to put something of value out there, something that I can point to and know it was of service to someone. I do think personal narratives are valuable, and I absolutely enjoy the blogs I read that are simple accounts of people’s lives. But I also want to sprinkle my writing with more meaningful perspectives. I have a couple ideas, and I hope that if I’m asking myself to write a certain number of times a week, I will actually write some of those posts.
I also find myself totally disengaging at night, and that is not a productive way to spend the precious hours I have at my disposal. I need to get grading done. I need to plan, and create materials for new lessons. I can’t just zone out in front of mediocre programming. Maybe if I ask myself to write a few nights a week, I can combat the disengagement.
It’s so hard to know sometimes what is the right thing to do. I feel like I know myself relatively well, so that I can respect the need to disengage in the evenings when I recognize that inclination. But sometimes I’m less sure if I should continue catering to that desire to disengage, and do absolutely nothing, and when I should push past it and make myself produce…. something. Anything! There are so many articles out there about learning to say no, about letting yourself rest, about respecting the need to recharge, but I have yet to read something that helps you know when it’s time to say enough is enough, and to make yourself do shit again.
I guess I’ll give it a try, the pushing past it, and if after a few weeks I feel better, I’ll know it was the right move. If, after a few weeks, I feel more compelled to disengage than ever, I’ll reconsider my current plan.
How do you determine if you should let yourself rest, or if you should push past it?
I realized I was holding my breath hoping you had written for this morning. Thank you.
What books are you wanting to read and why and we talk about them too? Do you want more feedback on your topics?
I pushed for survival ~~sole support of two children. Then I pushed to find out who I was/am and my interests, ideas, to develop a life as a single person. You may find writing gives you a place to explore you and what and why you are doing with your life, or not. I hear you saying I AM and that is important in my way of thinking. But your take may be different.
I find that if I let myself disengage at night, I am WAY more stressed the following day about all of the things I didn’t get done, so I rarely do it. Last night I went to bed instead of finishing tax stuff, and now I’m going to have to leave work early to finish by the deadline. GAH!
Ohhh! that sounds like a really valuable training. I hope your employer gives you the time and pays for the conference.
That sounds like an awesome opportunity, both for you currently and in the future. I really hope it works out and you get to go.