Not a Wasted Word

Did I mention I’m sick?

I’m so, so sick.

It’s not as bad as when I had strep (oh my god that was so, so, bad), but it’s still bad. I would have taken today off, but I just had too much to do.

The good news is that my cough seems to be breaking up a little, so maybe I can stop hacking up a lung soon. For the first time in my life I coughed so hard I almost booted ALL OVER MY NEW BOLT. I felt like I had morning sickness again – I even rolled down my window and stuck my head out a little.

Thankfully I did not boot all over my sweet still so, so, so new car. I would have been such a sad panda.

So yeah. Sick. Want to be at home but can’t. Also feeling like I might (maybe, please, please, please let it) be on the mend.

My students came back on Monday (most of them). We reviewed for the test with some games. They took the test. I graded the test. They did fine on the test. I entered the test grades online. I posted the final grades. (I didn’t write any posts for two days because: all of the above.) It was fine, NOTHING like the Armageddon I was bitching about almost two weeks ago. Yes it was a lot of work, and it sucked to do it when I just wanted to be sleeping because I was sick, but it wasn’t that bad. God, if I had known how sick I was going to be when this week hit I would have truly lost my shit.

But I got through it! I wish I could remember, REALLY remember, that I always get through it, instead of freaking out that which I can’t control.

The PTA event that had to be rescheduled is also working out fine. We are making $100 short of what we would have been making, which is great. Yes, I’m sad to lose that $100, but I was worried we’d lose 2-3x that, so I’ve very pleased.

As always, nothing is ever as bad as I fear. And the few times things have been that bad, or worse!, I’ve gotten through. This too, shall pass. It was one of my favorite phrases once. I think I’ve lost sight of it.

{I have been really stressed out about our See’s Candies sale — which doesn’t seem to be doing great but might have a really strong final week — and writing this post has made me feel a lot better about it. Because there really is nothing I can do at this point to affect the outcome, and the outcome probably won’t be as bad as I fear.

So thanks for that, everyone.

And I wish every stellar pulmonary health this cold and flu season because holy shit whatever I got is the pits.}

The rain eventually stopped and the sky is clear (and the air along with it), but we are all really sick so we’re still indoors.

I just want to go outside, but my throat burns and my cough is awful and my nose is concrete and my head feels hot, so it’s more inside.

This week coming up was already going to be so stressful and now I’m sick. I give up. I surrender.

I know it will eventually be okay, but not for a while. Nothing to do but plow through.

I hate ending a break feeling more tired and wiped out than I did starting it.

This morning my son did not call out for me until 8am! It felt good to sleep so long.

When I opened the blinds on his window I was struck by how clear the world looked outside. I didn’t realize how accustomed to the haze I had become. Today everything is bright colors and sharp edges. It is beautiful and we can go outside.

I have spent the past month recognizing how unhappy I am and preparing myself, mentally, to make changes. I am not sure yet what these changes will be, but I know that I can’t keep making the same choices and feel positive about my life. I am grateful that there is space enough in the details of my days to feel like I can do things differently. I have so much, it’s really up to me.

Thank you to everyone who has kept reading this month. I am so grateful for this space, and for all of the people who read it.

It’s been raining all morning and SF’s air quality is back in the green for the first time since the fires started almost two weeks ago!

I hope the fire is getting as wet as we are right now.

I’m feeling very, very thankful.

I LOVE graphic novels, and it’s a good time to love them because there are so many excellent titles being published these days. While graphic novels were once scorned by teachers and parents as glorified comic books, they are now recognized as an excellent way to engage reluctant readers – or any reader! – and they can make harder level text more accessible to kids who are eager to move to the next level. There are TONS of great graphic novels out there, but I wanted to highlight some that my kids and I really love. Maybe you will love them too!

{Age recommendations are my own. I always add a + next to the higher age range because I really do believe anyone can love these books.}

Mighty Jack and Mighty Jack and the Goblin King by Ben Hatke

An awesome twist on a cherished classic. I actually like the second one a lot more than the first; the Goblin King is not who you might expect…

{Recommended for ages 5-10+}

Zita the Spacegirl Series by Ben Hatke

Zita the Spacegirl, Legends of Zita the Spacegirl, and The Return of Zita the Spacegirl are all fantastic books. Zita is an empowered female lead and Hatke’s world building is very satisfying. One of the cool things about Ben Hatke’s books is you see characters from other series in the background (or sometimes the foreground) of scenes. One of his books ends with the suggestion of a major crossover! {Recommended for ages 5-10+}

 

The Nameless City Trilogy by Faith Erin Hicks

I really love The Nameless City trilogy (The Nameless City, The Stone Heart and The Divided Earth) which tells one story across the three books. As someone who grew up in Hong Kong and was absolutely enamored of The Forbidden City when I visited Beijing, they feel a bit like going home. The characters are compelling enough, and the story is nuanced enough, to keep even adult readers interested, while still remaining accessible to younger readers. My 8-year-old really loves these books, and so do my middle school students. The third one just came out in late September and my RTI reading class was fighting over who got to read it first. {Recommended for ages 8-12+}

Roller Girl and All’s Faire in Middle School by Victoria Jamieson

These two books by Victoria Jamiseon are like a salve on the wounds that remain from my traumatizing middle school experience. I really wish these books were around when I was a tween! Both are about young female characters trying to reconcile a fierce determination to stay true to themselves with a very real desire to make friends in the unforgiving social landscape of 6th and 7th grade. I also really love Jamieson’s Pets on the Loose series for younger (4-8yo) readers. Plus Roller Girl also came out recently in Spanish! {Recommended for ages 6-10+}

ALL THE BOOKS BY RAINA TELGEMEIER

You may argue that I love Raina Telgemeier because she’s from San Francisco and many of her books are set in the city (or in fictional towns based on areas near the city), but I promise their San Francisco settings are only an added bonus to already awesome books. Smile and Sisters are both autobiographical stories about her childhood. Ghosts is a story about family and sibling relationships told around the Day of the Dead. Finally, Drama is a book about crushes that is brave enough to explore the questions some middle schoolers are asking themselves about their burgeoning sexuality. {Recommended for ages 8-12+; Drama recommended for ages 10-14+}

Awkward, Brave, and Crush by Svetlana Chmakova

 

These three graphic novels are all set in fictional Berrybrook Middle School, and the student population remains the same throughout the three stories. The main character of Brave is a supporting character in Awkward, just like the main character of Crush plays an important role in Brave. For that reason I’d recommend reading the books in the order they were published (as listed above). Chmakova definitely has a background in manga, and her illustrations are as refreshing as the diverse student population she depicts in her books. {Recommended for ages 10-14+}

El Deafo by Cece Bell

El Deafo was the first graphic novel to win a Newbery Honor Award, and now it’s required reading in many elementary schools. El Deafo is an autobiographical account of the author’s experience navigating school with a bulky hearing aid strapped to her chest. I’ve had a few students that needed me to wear an FM to broadcast my voice directly to their hearing aid (like the character in the book), so I really appreciated learning more about what that experience was like for her. El Deafo is a great way for kids (and adults!) to better understand what it’s like for their peers who are navigating life with a physical challenge. {Recommended for ages 8-12+}

Real Friends by Shannon Hale (author) and LeUyen Pham (illustrator)

As someone who has struggled to make and keep friends, I really appreciate this book, which follows one girl through elementary school, as she attempts to navigate the complexities of cliques and friendship. I wish every girl would read it before entering middle school. I actually met LeUyen Pham (the illustrator) at a conference for children’s book authors and illustrators (back when I was writing and illustrating my children’s book), and she was very supportive. I bought her most recent book, at the time (which continues to be one of my son’s favorites) and have been thrilled to see her talents as an illustrator being utilized again and again since then. Real Friends is a well written, and illustrated book, and I recommend it to every girl in the world. {Recommended for ages 6-10+}

The Bad Guys books by Aaron Blabey

What happens when a wolf decides that he’s done being a bad guy, and drags a shark, snake, and piranha along as he tries to reinvent his image? Yes, hijinks definitely ensue. These books are silly to the max, and are sure to make you laugh. I’m always as excited for the next book to come out as my 5-year-old. {Recommended for ages 4-10+}

The Hilo series by Judd Winick

I really cannot praise this series enough. I want everyone to read it. I came across the third book one day at the comic store and immediately looked up the first two so I could buy them all. When the fourth book came out it was like Christmas in September, and I am counting the days until the fifth book comes out (in late January 2019). All the characters are so endearing, and the story is incredibly compelling. I was introduced to Judd Winick on the 2nd season of the Real World (San Francisco!) and have enjoyed the writing he’s done for DC comics, but this is truly his magnum opus. It’s such a great series. If there is one thing you check out from this list, let it be Hilo. {Recommended for ages 4-12+}

I know I never do posts like this one, but I have spent a lot of time looking for good graphic novels and I wanted to share a list of the ones I love. They are great books that both kids and adults can enjoy. I hope you find one or two you like in the list above.

This is all I’ve got for today, but I promise my next post is worth the wait.

I’m handling pretty much everything really poorly right now. I don’t know what my problem is but my mood is shit and I can’t seem to get out of a negative head space. It was really bad last week and then I got my period and it seemed to get better, but now it’s bad again. It’s like the littlest derivation from my “plan” puts me out of whack and then in a major funk. (To be fair, the air quality crisis has totally destroyed many long-in-the-works plans, including a PTA event last night that was definitely going to raise $600 if not more – which is a lot of money for our school.) But still, people have lost everything. Please have lost their lives. I definitely need some perspective!

I don’t know what is going on but I wish I could figure it out. I feel like I need some QT with a good therapist who can ask me the right questions and then decipher my answers. Left to my own devices I am useless.

But finding a good therapist is hard and then finding the time and money to see one is harder. I’ve had so many therapists that weren’t a good fit over the years, it’s hard to motivate now to look into one.

So I guess I’ll just keep chugging away at life, hoping that the shitty feeling will alleviate. I’m sure it will, eventually.

And maybe I can attempt a little introspection as I wait. Maybe writing for 30 minutes every morning will help me land on something of substance. Maybe I can even find some prompts that will help me uncover that little something that is making my life chafe so bad right now.

Most (maybe all?) the school districts in the Bay Area are closed today due to poor air quality.

I know this sounds like a fun day off, but it’s the last day of my trimester and three of my classes were supposed to take a test, which I was supposed to grade and enter over the break so it would be reflected in the first trimester report cards. Now I have to give the tests on Monday, after the kids have been gone for over a week, and somehow grade and enter them that night so they will make it onto the report cards. I’m so angry at myself for scheduling the test on the last day.

We’ve been stuck inside despite beautiful weather for a week. I had plans to take my kids and their friends to Muir Woods next Tuesday, which will probably be cancelled.

I guess this is the new normal.