Uncategorized

I Heart my Tile

Posted on by noemikjames / 6 Comments

As a chronic loser of all. the. things. I was intrigued when I first read about the Tile. This was years ago, and I was immediately curious, but I never got one because… well I’m not sure why.

Then I noticed that a friend at work had one on her lanyard because she was always losing her school keys. I keep my school keys around my neck and rarely misplace them, but was intrigued with the possibility of having one on my regular keys. I keep my keys and my wallet together with a carabiner so that I’ll never forget either one somewhere, but that doesn’t stop me from misplacing both of them around my house, like every day.

So when my mom asked for suggestions for my dad this past Christmas, I sent her a link to the Tile four pack with the note, “Two for him and two for me. Yay stocking stuffers!” You see, I inherited my propensity for losing things from my father.

My mom got the four pack and gave two to me. I put one on my keys and left the other in my nightstand drawer so I could use it to find my phone, which I spend more time looking for than my keys. And while yes, I can call my phone, the ringer is almost always off, and a lot of the time I have it on “do not disturb” so being able to call it (if I’m lucky enough that my husband is home with his phone–we don’t have a land line)  isn’t all that helpful.

And this is why I love my Tile. One of its coolest features is that if you ring your phone from your Tile it will play the song even if the ringer is off or it’s set to “do not disturb.” The app overrides both those features. So now I can always find my phone in my house, no matter what; all I have to do is double-click the circle on my Tile.

Once I have my phone, I can also find my keys. Inside the app I can ring the Tile on my keys and it will play a song too. Then I can follow the music to my wallet!

I really can’t tell you how much time I’ve saved with this simple little device. I used to spend what felt like hours scouring the house for my phone or my wallet. Now I immediately go to my nightstand, or pick up my phone, and listen for the song.

It has also helped me in my classroom, and even in my car. Sometimes I’m not sure if I threw my phone in with all the shit on my front seat. I used to have to pull over and rummage around for it, looking between the seats and even on the floor (yes, my life is a mess). Now I can press the Tile on my keys and if I hear the song, I can start driving without even finding my phone. This has prevented me from being late on quite a few mornings.

There is even GPS tracking on the Tiles, so if I really lose my keys, the app can tell me where they were last located.

The only negative to the whole set up is I need to keep bluetooth enabled on my phone all the time, otherwise my Tile can’t find it. I think this may affect battery life, but since I charge my phone in my car on the way home from work, it hasn’t been an issue. I honestly don’t know if it makes a noticeable difference on how long my phone holds a charge-I’ve never had an issue with running out of power on my phone because I can’t use it much at school while I’m teaching.

Please know that I have not been contacted by Tile in any way to write this post. I did not receive my Tiles free in exchanged for a review and the link above is not affiliated. I just really love this little item and I do believe it has improved my quality of life. I’m sure most people don’t misplace things as much as I do, but if you spend a good chunk of time looking for the same item over and over, you might want to think about getting a Tile. It really is pretty amazing.

Parenting & Family/Uncategorized

Dependent

Posted on by noemikjames / 31 Comments

I know they say it takes a village to raise a child. I’m incredibly lucky to have something of a village in that both sets of grandparents live close by. My parents take the kids for longer stints, like 24 hours on a weekend, or for a few days if I’m out of town (in the summer or during a school break). They live farther away and my mom still works so they can’t help as much for middle of the week needs.

Which is okay because my in-laws live in the city. They are both retired and neither has much else going on. Currently, our kids are their only grandchildren and they help us tremendously with both of them. My in-laws pick up my son from school at least once a week, usually to help me because I have a meeting until later and worry I won’t get back to the city in time to get both kids, or I have a later meeting in the city and don’t want to drag my three-year-old with me. They take our daughter for a spend the nights most weekends. They even take the kids when they are sick so my husband and I don’t have to miss work! (Stomach bugs excluded.)

My teaching schedule is incredibly rigid–if I can’t be at school at start time I need to take an hour and find coverage. This makes it really hard on the few occasions when my husband is away, because I can’t take my son to school on those days without seriously disrupting my work day. This is when my in-laws always swoop in and save the day.

This week, while my husband is away, they will be coming over in the mornings to hang out with our son until they bring him to school. They will also be picking him up on Tuesday and Thursday and keeping him until 6:45pm so I can work at the book fair. Without this help, I truly don’t know what I would do.

I worry sometimes that we’re too dependent on my in-laws. I know we could get by without my parents–though our marriage would suffer without that time alone–but I honestly don’t think we could manage without my in-laws. We are dependent on them, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

“It takes a village…” that is the adage, and yet most families don’t have a village to lean on. They do it alone. They make it work. I suppose without my in-laws we would too. We’d find people we could hire to fill in when needed (like this week). But we don’t have to do that, and it’s awesome, but it also makes me feel like we’re not really managing this parenting thing, not really. If we can’t do it without the help of family are we even doing it at all?

My in-laws talk about retiring for part of the year abroad. The thought terrifies me. Every year that it doesn’t happen I thank my lucky stars. I know that if they do leave we’ll make it work. I know that the older my kids get the more options I’ll have for arranging care. My mom will also retire in a couple years and she will be more than willing to help once that happens.

Perhaps this posts is silly. Why would someone write about feeling too dependent on family?! I know that inter-generational families lived together for these very reasons for a long time, and in many cultures still do, but the US is a fiercely independent nation. We value autonomy and efficiency. There is a subtle, but persistent message that if you’re not doing it all yourself, you probably aren’t as capable as someone who is.

I know that’s not true. I know I am competent. And I know I can be independent, I just don’t have to be. I’m just lucky enough to have parents near by and humble enough to ask for help when I need it. Maybe for that I should be proud.

Whatever else I am, I am immensely grateful. Always. Every day. I am so, so lucky to have healthy, able parents and in-laws nearby who love my kids and cherish their time with them. I can’t imagine doing it without them.

Uncategorized

Opinion Piece

Posted on by noemikjames / 9 Comments

I went to my daughter’s second trimester conference last week. She continues to do well in first grade. Organization and attention are real challenges, but she’s getting the concepts. One of the only areas where she wasn’t meeting the standard was writing. 

“Do I think she can write a How-to paper or a short story? Sure. She’s just never finished a piece of writing before. She gets too distracted.”

I wasn’t surprised to hear her teacher say this, but I was frustrated that it was the first time I was hearing about it. 

“When she doesn’t finish her writing in class can you please send it home? I’ll make sure she gets it done and brings it back to you.”

He agreed. 

Last weekend I found a cover made out of construction paper in her backpack. Inside were three pages stapled together. She had written one line. 

“We’re supposed to write a paper about cats and dogs. Our opinion about them.”

So we sat down and she wrote her paper. Here it is, my daughter’s first complete essay, an opinion piece about two popular pets. 


A translation (from Spanish):

“I like cats and dogs”

by, —–

I think cats and dogs are good. Both are furry and cute and playful. 

Cats are sleepy in the sun. They can eat a lot! They love to catch mice! They are grumpy. 

Dogs are fun. They like to play with balls. You can walk with a dog. 

I couldn’t have said it better myself. 😉

Parenting & Family

Growing Up

Posted on by noemikjames / 7 Comments

Yesterday was beautiful here in San Francisco — nothing but blue skies, and in the 70s! I took my son to the zoo to bask in the sunshine and we had a wonderful time. As always I was struck by how many big bellies I saw. I remember how hard it was to frequent family-oriented places in the year and a half we were trying for a second child. Every where I looked there were moms with kids much younger than mine, waddling after their toddlers. It hurt to see so many people easily enjoy what I wanted so desperately.

Now I see those same moms and I feel nothing but relief. Relief that I’m coming out of that very-young child phase. Relief that I don’t have to do the new baby thing again.

My kids are getting older. They are becoming more mature and more self-sufficient. And even though things with my daughter will never be easy, I do think they will become easier.

I can’t wait for what the next phase of our life as a family will bring. I am so excited to start traveling with my children, taking them to new countries every summer as we try out living abroad for a month at a time. I look forward to exploring the world with them, just me and my two little adventurers.

Next summer they will be eight and almost five! While I worry about their super selective eating, I think the three of us will have a ton of fun exploring new places. I want my kids to be open-minded and accepting. I want them to be curious and inquisitive. I think visiting new places with them will be the coolest thing in the world. Plus, I can’t wait to immerse our family in Spanish (which my son is finally lets me use with him; I guess he understands it a lot better now).

Growing up in Hong Kong we traveled a lot. I have very fond memories of being somewhere new with my family. I can’t wait to make those kind of memories with my own kids. Sure it will sometimes be difficult. Sure they (and I!) will sometimes be unhappy. But we’ll learn to get through it together.

It’s nice to finally find that one thing that fires my passion and gets me excited: I want to travel with my family! The idea of spending a month with them somewhere each summer makes me thankful to be a teacher, and incentivizes budgeting in a way nothing else has. It’s the thing I would happily build my life around, a goal for which I can easily sacrifice.

Soon it’s going to be a reality! My kids really are getting big. My daughter will be seven in June and has already been wearing size 7/8 clothes (which is a medium in the girl’s sections of most stores!) for a year. She just grew into a size 1 shoe! She has lost eight baby pearls and the whole front of her mouth is filled with giant adult teeth. She is long and lanky and looks every inch the elementary student. She is truly a girl now, no more little about it.

My son is not even three and a half and he’s already 41 inches tall. He wears size 11 shoes and size 4T and 5T clothes. He’s so big that I have to be careful not to expect more of him than his 3yo self can deliver. He’s clearly been going through some developmental spurt lately because suddenly he wants to read much longer, more complicated books and can engage you in his own multi-faceted stories. He can be reasoned with (to a point) and wants to do everything himself. He doesn’t even need the toddler seat on the toilet anymore.

I realized the other day I can sell the strollers and donate the training potty (which has to live in the hallway, because our bathroom is too small to house it) as we never use them anymore. I’ve already gotten rid of most of their baby and toddler toys. These are the final vestiges of my kids baby and toddler-hood, and I am excited to see them go.

I know a lot of moms have a hard time watching their kids grow up. There are definitely wistful moments when I miss their soft baby skin and warm baby smell. But mostly I’m just excited for this new phase and whatever it will bring. I don’t think parenting babies and toddlers was my forte, I really do think I’ll enjoy parenting older kids a lot more.

So when I round up all the clothes and shoes and toys my kids have outgrown, I don’t feel sad for what we’re leaving behind, but instead am excited for what is to come.

Bring on the big kids!

Uncategorized

Thanks

Posted on by noemikjames / 5 Comments

Thank you for the support yesterday. It meant a lot. 

For the last two nights my kids have slept through. Even my daughter has stayed in her own bed! Of course I continue to wake up at least once a night because my body doesn’t know how to sleep for 6 or 7 straight hours anymore, but I’m still getting better sleep than I have in ages. 

I also started my period yesterday. It took me by surprise, but also explains a lot. Two cycles ago, when I first started taking Vitex, my period was totally fine. Then I kind of forgot to keep taking the Vitex and my next period was a nightmare. My boobs hurt so bad leading up to it that just brushing against them sent streaks of pain through my body. It was hard to sleep they were so sensitive. Then my actual period came and it just, didn’t go away. I had it for ten days. My whole cycle is about 20 days long and the only thing that makes that bareable is that my period is usually only a three day affair. But the last one just kept going and going. Have I mentioned that I can’t wear tampons because of my prolapse?! I was miserable. 

I started up the Vitex again. I’m not sure if the good cycle, then the bad one, had anything to do with the Vitex (and then lack thereof)–I’ve definitely had aberrant cycles before–but the correlation is interesting. This month my boobs didn’t hurt at all so I was totally taken by surprise when I started my period yesterday. But it explains why I’ve been feel tired and down. 

This past week my husband had to work from home because his office was being reconfigured. It was so nice to see so much of him and have him around in the evenings to help with the kids. Next week he’s gone at SXSW, and it’s going to be lonely and exhausting without him here. It’s also Book Fair week at my daughter’s school, which the PTA puts on. Of course no one is signing up to man it, so I’m not sure what we’ll do. I’m already signed up for three afternoons and am taking the day off Tuesday to help set up (and for something else, see below), but I’ll probably have to sign up for more. Such bad timing that my husband is gone. I suppose we’ll figure it out. 

It’s also the end of the 2nd trimester and grades are due next Wednesday. I’m spending all day tomorrow at work and hope to have my scores inputted and grades finalized before Monday.

This coming Tuesday my daughter goes for her one year vision therapy follow up appointment (the other reason I’m taking Tuesday off). I was supposed to call in November to make the appointment but I just couldn’t. There is a part of me that is so terrified she will need more vision therapy, which would be a financial and emotional nightmare. I really hope they say that she is seeing fine and doesn’t need any addition therapy. Fingers crossed. 

Today is Friday and it should be a decent day at work. I’m looking forward to a cocktail tonight. 😉

Life

Hanging In

Posted on by noemikjames / 21 Comments

I know I’ve been writing some positive posts lately… and there have been some great things happening to be sure. But the truth is, I’m kind of struggling right now.

My daughter is going through a hard bit. She’s been in a shitty mood for about a month. She is constant negativity. The first sound out of her mouth in the morning is a bark or whine, and the last thing she says before she goes to bed is a complaint. Everything in between is more of the same.

It’s exhausting. And it’s starting to really get me down.

I wish I knew why she gets like this. I wish I knew how to make it better. She is such a sensitive kid. She clearly struggles. But she’s almost seven years old and still has daily meltdowns that put my three-year-old to shame. My patience wears so thin.

She’s been getting these red streaks on her cheeks, under her eyes. It’s probably a reaction to something, but it’s hard to get an accurate account of what she’s eaten at school and aftercare. I pack her enough lunch and snacks that she doesn’t need to eat food from either place, but she does if they offer something she likes.

It hurts my heart to think she’s having a hard time because she’s reacting to something she is eating… We all know how my husband feels about exploring that possibility.

I have thought about emailing her pediatrician, but previous discussions on this topic suggest he won’t be of much help. “It could be anything…”

It’s just… hard for me. At this point I cringe at the thought of picking her up at the end of the day. I know that once I get her I’m just going to be berated until she goes to bed.

I have not been feeling great myself. I’m always tired. Exhausted really. I wonder if my allergies are acting up as well. The pollen count is definitely going up, as the rains stop and the sun comes out. I’ve been weekly allergy shorts for six month now, so my symptoms are more subtle, but I am still affected. I should start taking antihistamines again. Of course those make me drowsy…

I know part of it is this school year. There is only one trimester left. I can do it. I can get through. 14 weeks. I can do anything for 14 weeks. I keep telling myself that.

And of course there is always the political climate, which does so much to wear us all down. It’s not panic so much anymore as a constant, throbbing despair.

Right now I am looking to the summer. The summer is my salvation. The summer is my everything. I just gotta get there.

Identity/Minimalism

A Subtle Shift

Posted on by noemikjames / 3 Comments

I know I go on and on about minimalism here, about how I want to embrace it but I struggle… about how I don’t think I’m doing as well as I could be.

I write about reading posts where they make it seem so easy and wondering why I can’t make the changes those people make, why I fail when they succeed. I don’t mean to compare myself to those people. It’s not that I think I need to achieve what they have achieved to feel like my pursuit of minimalism has been a success. It’s that I want to find the contentment that minimalism has given them. I want to find that deeper meaning in the chaos of life.

I keep reading the minimalism blogs, not to torture myself, or because I’m some kind of masochist. I’m not looking to feel bad about myself. The thing is I feel certain that I can learn something very valuable from the movement, that in simplifying my life I will reap great rewards. I don’t think minimalism is for everyone–it is certainly not some cure all for today’s society, as some claim–but for me, I truly do believe it holds the key.

Having said that, I read some of these posts and all I can think is, I’ll never be like that. I’ll never get there.

Today I read a post that was different. Or maybe the post wasn’t different, maybe it was just me that was different.

I almost didn’t read the post. It was about letting go of sentimental things and that hasn’t been a challenge for me. One of the great surprises in my quest to let go has been how little the sentimental things I thought I valued meant to me. It has been incredibly easy for me to jettison old journals, photos, letters from friends. Yes they meant something very special to me. Yes they were incredibly important treasures in my life. But as they years have passed and I have grown up and away from the person I once was, I’ve found those tokens to mean less and less. They belonged to a different person, and reading them sometimes feels like a betrayal of her confidence. I am not the girl my middle school friend wrote letters to. I am no longer the angst ridden teenager who filled journal after journal with her tortured words. I am not even the twenty-something how corresponded with her roommates back home when she lived abroad. I am none of those people, because I’m all of them. I don’t need to revisit every past incarnation of my being. I much rather dwell in the present.

At least that is what I thought.

Reading that post, I realized that there are parts of the past that I dwell in, pieces of myself I have never let go.

I wrote recently about spending some time every night picking up the house. I’ve been good about it, but I noticed pretty quickly that I wasn’t getting much accomplished in the areas that really vex me. Tidying up after the kids went to bed helped the living room stay neat and kept the bathroom more orderly, but whenever I stood in front of the über-cluttered top of my chest of drawers, I froze. The mess paralyzed me, and almost every time, I ended up walking away, defeated.

I told myself that I just couldn’t do it. That organization just isn’t my thing and that I’ll never be good at it, that a constant mess is just who I am. I was feeling like a failure all over again.

In that post I read the author says this about shifting perspective:

There’s a well-known adage that our perception becomes our reality. How we see something becomes our truth, which at times, can be self-limiting.

I don’t know when I started defining certain parts of myself by my ADD. I think at the time it was a coping mechanism that protected certain parts of me from the other parts that judged mercilessly. I needed to embrace that explanation to attempt self-acceptance.

I kept defining myself that way because otherwise I wasn’t quite able love myself when I wasn’t living up to my values. If I could blame my shortcoming on something “other,” on something out of my control, I could practice self-compassion.

I’ve written many times about not knowing where my ADD, depression and anxiety end and where I begin. The reality is I will never know. I need to stop defining myself in these ways, because they hold me down, they keep me back.

They are heavy. They are great weights that overwhelm me.

If I’m holding onto heavy things, I leave less room to grow. No matter where we’ve been or where we’re going, when we fixate on the past and the future, It’s at the expense of the present.

I am ready to grow. I am ready to become a different person. I’m tired of this story, the one where I can’t. I want a new story, a story in which I can change and grow. A story where I can.

At times, I’ve chosen the pain from letting go over the pain of staying where I’m at.

I am done with the pain of staying where I’m at. I know that pain. It’s familiar. It’s easy. It doesn’t challenge me. It doesn’t force me to change. It’s just a dull ache that I’ve learned to live with. It’s a weight that I’m ready to shed.

It’s not going to be easy. I’ve gotten comfortable defining myself in these ways. I’ve become complacent. If I stop telling myself that I can’t, I have to start assuring myself that I can. And that’s going to be scary. If I can do something, I have to face all the other reasons why I’m not doing it. What am I avoiding? Why am I avoiding it? It will be uncomfortable. It will be painful. But I have to face those feelings, otherwise I’ll never be free.

No doubt about it, letting go can be an incredibly emotional process—and vulnerability is scary. But it is also an authentic way to live.

I’m honestly not sure what all of this means. I don’t have some new game plan or a shiny set of new goals. It’s not external, it’s more a subtle, internal shift. It’s attitudinal. It’s profound. I feel different. And I really hope my actions will be different too.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Identity/Work/Teaching

More Investing in Myself

Posted on by noemikjames / 15 Comments

Sometimes I feel like things in my life align just right to remind me what my priorities are.

My cousin has lived and studied in Guatemala on and off for a while now. He goes to many places in Central and South America to write long-form articles about the political situations in different countries, and now he’s researching a book proposal about the atrocities of the Guatemalan civil war (heavy shit, to be sure). He is there now, studying with his favorite teacher, and he emailed me to see if I knew of anyone who’d want to do Skype lessons with her. I immediately thought, well I would!

So now I’m ducking out of bedtime on Wednesday nights to Skype with a lovely lady (I’ll call her L) in Xela, Guatemala for two hours. We talk and she writes notes about mistakes I make or words I don’t know or can’t remember. She gives me little lessons on the grammatical structures I still struggle with. Mostly we just talk in Spanish. She is very nice and our first talk was very pleasant.

It was definitely a challenge to keep the kids out of the room and I could tell my husband was struggling, but I love that I get to step away from my nightly bedtime duties once a week and do something for me.

Talking to her also made me realize that I really do need to invest in my Spanish. Which is why I’m so excited that…

…I bought my tickets for Ecuador!!!!!

I’ll be gone for 10 days, with two travel days, so I’ll have 8 days in Quito. I am so excited, and a little terrified. I’ve never been away from my kids for so long (I think this is twice as long as I’ve traveled without them, and I’ve only done that twice) and I’ve haven’t stayed with a host family since I was 16.

I am really excited for this trip.

I am excited to have some time away from my family, to remember who I am when I’m not scrambling to meet the needs of so many people. I’m excited to take my Spanish to the next level. I think after four months of weekly sessions with L I’ll be primed to make the most of my time in Ecuador, where I’ll be studying for 30 hours with a private language teacher. I can’t wait.

I’m also excited to visit somewhere new. I’ve never been to South America and I can’t wait to wander the streets of Quito. I’ve heard it’s beautiful, nestled in the high mountains. I’ll have a day before my classes start to roam the city and then a weekend after my classes to take some day trips. I already have a few places in mind.

I am so freaking excited! And it feels so good to invest in myself this way. By the end of this summer, I think I’ll be ready to apply for any high school job that comes available, or look into other ways of making extra money with my Spanish.

Ecuador, here I come!

How are you investing in yourself these days?

Life

The Backyard

Posted on by noemikjames / 4 Comments

I realized this winter that the sun never hits our patio in the backyard during the winter. In the summer we get sun on the patio all morning, but in the winter it never creeps past the square of grass. Even if it hadn’t rained so much this winter, I doubt we would have been out there; our backyard is wet and cold when it doesn’t get the sun.

Yesterday my kids were driving me (and each other crazy). It was supposed to rain in the afternoon, so at 11am I ushered them outside. It drizzled on us a bit, but not enough to send us in.

At one point I took my camera out to take some picture of the blossoms on the plum tree, and my son demanded a turn. These are some of the pictures he took. I love seeing the world from his point of view.

Life/Minimalism/Parenting & Family

Not so simple

Posted on by noemikjames / 26 Comments

This week has been extra frenetic, which makes me reflect (even more than usual) on how I can simplify my life.

The truth is, I’m not happy being as busy as I am. I think there was a time when I thrived on busyness, or at least I thought I did, but not anymore. Now it just makes me feel tired. And beaten down. I hate when life gets hectic and there isn’t time for anything or anyone.

It’s easy to feel trapped in my circumstances, but the the truth is I have a lot of choice. I need to take ownership for all that I can change and avoid the siren song of declaring myself a hapless victim of the 21st century.

There are, of course, big choices I can make to change my life. I am looking into those. Investing in my Spanish abilities is definitely the most concrete step I’ve taken toward actually finding a different job because the reality is I wouldn’t feel comfortable applying for most high school Spanish jobs with my current level of fluency. The fact that I can take the steps to find new employment is important to remember, even if it feels like any new job I get would be more of the same.

There are smaller choices I can make too. I can decide how many activities my kids participate in, and how many obligations I take on for myself. I can decide how I spend the free time that I do have, and I have a lot of choice in how I spend some of my money.

Except it’s not as easy as it might, at first glance, seem. I read posts that would suggest you just have to make the commitment to simplify your life and just like that, you can walk away from all the hustle and bustle that makes you crazy. I am not finding it that easy.

Take my kid’s activities. Right now both kids are taking swimming lessons because it’s really important for me that they are water safe. I also confess to hoping they will really love the water. It never gets very warm in San Francisco and going to the pool isn’t an activity that happens organically. Generally you have to drive a good 30-45 minutes in any direction to find warm enough weather to swim; it’s something you have to commit to doing, not something you just do. I’ve met a lot of native San Franciscans that can barely swim (ahem, my husband) and I don’t want that for my kids. While yes, I plan to make water a big part of our summers in other countries, for the time being swimming lessons are the only real way they are going to get comfortable, and capable, in the water.

So we go to swim lessons once a week, and that night is an absolute shit show. The reality is it’s hard (more like impossible) to find a lesson for my 3-year-old beginner and another one for my 6-year-old intermediate swimmer, at the same place during the same general time. After much scouring of our swim school’s classes (almost every day for over two months) finally two came up, but they are at 7:15 and 7:30 on Tuesdays. We usually start bedtime around 7:30 so to be swimming at that time is kind of insane. Also I have staff meetings on Tuesdays twice a month, so I’m already getting home from a very long day on those occasions, and the last thing I want to do is pick up the kids and head back down south for swimming. If simplifying my life overshadowed all other goals, I’d never sign my kids up for those swimming classes, but I really want my kids to be capable swimmers, especially this summer at the farm, so the late night swim lessons win.

{I also can’t just take my daughter because then I need to find child care for my son, because if I take him, and he doesn’t get to swim, a 30 minute meltdown ensues.}

Then there is the PTA at my daughter’s school. That obligation requires a significant amount of time and energy. It’s also lacking in clear positive returns, as most of the time I feel like our efforts aren’t recognized or appreciated. (Sometimes I feel like we are taken for granted, or even taken advantage of, but that is for another post.) Being on the board of the PTA at my daughter’s school is not very personally fulfilling, and yet I am reticent to announce that I won’t return next year, as I know they will be hard pressed to find someone to take my place. I haven’t officially decided that I’m staying, but I’m pretty sure that is what I’ll do. The thing is that I want to help my daughter’s school in a significant way and there aren’t many other avenues for a parent to make a difference. And yes, I feel like our efforts aren’t appreciated, but I also know my daughter’s school would be worse off without what we do. I’m not comfortable doing nothing when the success of her school is so important to me.

And this isn’t at all about my daughter and what she has access to at school. I am on the PTA to be of service to all the students there. My daughter would be fine without the supports we provide and the events we organize, but other students would suffer if the PTA dissolved (and yes, there has been talk of that, we are all feeling very much, “the few, the weary, the only ones who ever step up to do anything”). So please don’t think I’m doing all this to help my daughter have a better school experience. She will be just fine without what the PTA provides.

Finally there are activities like Girl Scouts, that I have absolutely no interest in being a part of but that my kid wants to do. These activities really get to me, and I struggle immensely with how to commit to them in the future.

I avoided Girl Scouts last year, hoping my daughter’s friends would eventually stop going. But they all joined again this year and my daughter insisted she be a part of it too. So I said yes. I didn’t have a very positive Girl Scout experience myself and I have zero interest in being part of it as a parent. Still, I didn’t feel it was fair to deny my daughter an opportunity to be a part of a social situation with her friends for no other reason than I just wasn’t into it. So we signed up, and I usually ask my friend to take her to the twice monthly meetings and get my husband to pick her up. Problem solved. But then it’s cookie selling season and even though I committed to the least amount of cookie selling I could get away with, it was still a massive pain in the ass and stole a crazy amount of time from life last month. The idea of selling cookies again next year makes me want to put my foot down and refuse my daughter’s pleas to be in Girl Scouts again. But is that the mom I want to be? How do I explain to my daughter that she can’t participate in something that all her friends get to be a part of?

These are just some of the specific examples of activities and obligations that make my life busy and hectic, but that I don’t feel I can just abandon in my quest for a simpler life. It’s more complicated than just, Do fewer things. So how do I achieve simplicity when other goals interfere? How do I strike that balance?

Do you want to simplify your life? What do you think might get in the way of doing that?