Not a Wasted Word

I remember back when I tracked my time for a week thinking, well it’s interesting to see how much time I spend on everything, but this isn’t really a normal week. But you know what? No week is a normal week. There is always something.

This week was supposed to be a normal week. I have a PTA meeting on Thursday, but the reality is I have a staff meeting on the two weeks that I don’t have PTA meetings, and vice versa. There is always a meeting. Every week.

But this week was supposed to be normal. And then my son threw up Sunday night, and then again this morning, so he’ll be home at least until Thursday. And when I picked up my daughter from after care there was a flier announcing their Thanksgiving dinner, ON WEDNESDAY, oh, and could we please bring a dish to share? {Thanks for the 48 hours notice–grumble, grumble.}

Also, my daughter announced her head was itching, and I had noticed her itching her head myself, so last night I pulled her hair. Luckily no lice were found. (Interestingly, I had a friend pull my hair last week because my head was itching. I also came up clean. I guess we both need some more coconut oil treatments.)

It’s also parent/teacher conference week at my daughter’s school, so I need to leave work early one day for that.

I suppose there really is no “normal week.” With two kids, there is always something.

I remember when the hour we got at the end of Daylight Savings Time felt like a gift. A whole extra hour to do with as I pleased.

Now I dread how this day drags on like the longest day of the year. I suppose it is!

And then I feel guilty for wishing I didn’t have an extra hour with my kids.

The truth is, things are definitely better. Or at least, they can be. My daughter has become, for the most part, pleasant to be around. She still has her challenges and we are still working on some very real struggles around self-control and appropriate emotional response, but since she started the magnesium, things really are so much better.

Unfortunately right around the time things got better with my daughter, they got impossible with my son. The month leading up to his 3rd birthday was a nightmare. He is still really hard to manage, with volatile meltdowns happening frequently, and most of the time for seemingly no reason at all.

When he’s emotionally regulated, he’s the sweetest boy in the world. When he’s not, it’s very hard for all of us around him.

I hope there will be a time when things are, for the most part, easier, when the extra hour at the end of Daylight Savings Time feels like a gift. Right now, we’re just not there yet. Or maybe I’m not there year.

I really appreciated Elizabeth’s recent post about loving the big picture of her life, but feeling overwhelmed by the daily reality of it. I think about that divergence in my own life all the time. When I look at what I have, in the abstract, it’s my dream reality. I’ve quite literally checked off almost every box I thought I needed to filled for me to be happy. And yet the day to day is still so challenging, and I have to work hard to find contentment in what feels like the daily grind of mornings, work, pick-up, evenings with the kids, bedtime, work at home, too little sleep, lather, rinse, repeat.

I will say that October was one of my better months as far as generalized contentment goes (I attribute this to sticking my head in the sand as far as the rest of the world goes and having so much creative work to lose myself in–I plan to write more on that soon), and I know part of that was because things with my daughter were so much easier. So maybe when my kids are a little older (4 and 7-years-old? 5 and 8?!) my feelings about the day to day will better align with my feelings about my life in general.