Not a Wasted Word

I did it! I made it to Friday!

When I get really underwater with a couple of big, important events, I get tunnel vision (oh! another tunnel metaphor!) and focus almost exclusively on what is right in front of me. I think this is good in that it keeps me from heaping on more stress by thinking about other stuff I can’t prioritize in the moment. But if I do it too thoroughly, I can come out on the other side of the big commitments to find the rest of my life has been thrown into a dumpster fire. This is never a great feeling.

Last night, after our Celebration of Learning, I collapsed on the couch. I managed to drag my ass up to put my son to bed, but then I passed out. This morning I spent the drive to work reminding myself of all the other areas of my life that need my attention, now that work is quieting down. When I got in, I opened my planner and calendar for the first time in FOREVER and started writing things down. And then I decided that maybe if I wrote a post about stuff, it would settle my brain a bit. So here is what I’m focusing on now that the onslaught that was work has subsided.

Daughter’s 8th grade promotion and party. It’s on Thursday. She needs to decide if she’s okay with the dress and shoes she already has or wants something else. We’re going to dinner with the grandparents after and she’ll be getting her promotion/birthday presents then, so I don’t have to host in a couple week (yipee!). Then on Friday she’s having 10+ girls over for a sleep over. Lord help me.

Cleaning the house. The house is not where I want it to be. It hasn’t been for a while. But when I do go to clean it up, it doesn’t take as long as it used to, so I haven’t undone ALL that work from earlier this year. I need to tidy and clean before Friday (see above bullet point), and I won’t have much time during the school week, so this weekend it will be.

Winter/Summer clothing switch. I need to purge some winter wear and pack away what I’m going to keep. I need to go through everyone’s summer clothes and see who needs more pieces (probably my daughter, definitely my son).

Quality time with my husband. We need it desperately, as we’ve been in what feels like survival mode for months. Between my knee, his work stuff blowing up, my work stuff getting crazy, and three different sickness cycling through the family, it feels like we haven’t even spent a weekend night together in weeks. My parents are taking the kids on Saturday and he made reservations for dinner so we’re definitely doing that. I’m really looking forward to hanging out and reconnecting, because it’s been a while since that happened.

Summer fun book. Every year I create a photo book of the four days we spend at “the farm” in St. Louis. If I want to be able to take advantage of a good sale I need to get it done ASAP, so I have time to wait for the best discount to present itself. So this weekend I’ll be going through the photos and sorting the best ones. I take over 3,000 photos over the four days we’re there, so it takes a while to look through them all. I’m actually really late starting this so I hope to get a lot done this weekend. {Update: I had already favorited them and I just moved them to computer via AirDrop. I’m so thankful to my last summer self for favoriting them.}

And now I’m off to officially start my long weekend. I hope you all get what you need over the next few days!

It’s Wednesday night and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The light is bright! It’s so bright! I really am close now.

But tomorrow will be a long day. Thursdays are always the worst days and tomorrow will be truly the worst Thursday. The worst of the worst.

Four block classes. No prep. Then several hours stuck at work getting ready for our Celebration of Learning (formerly known as Open House). I will be at work a solid 12 hours. It will be a long, and kind of awful day.

But then it will be a steady descent to the end of the school year. We’re always end later than most parts of the country, and even most schools in the area, so we still have three weeks of school left. But they should be much easier than the last month has been.

Today was the big party. 40 students came. The tamales were warm enough (barely) and the horchata wasn’t too watered down (should definitely add the ice at the last minute next year). The kids seemed to enjoy their prizes. A few of them showed genuine gratitude and thanked me sincerely.

I’m glad its over and I spent several hours cleaning up my classroom, which I should be able to make presentable for parents tomorrow night. I just finished editing the final video and the free reading boards have all been processed. Truly, the light is bright.

I just need to get through tomorrow. It’s a rough part of the tunnel, but it’s the end of the worst section for sure.

This weekend was pretty good! Our daughter had a sleep over Friday night, our son had a sleep over Saturday night, my husband was sick and pretty much out of commission both nights, and I managed to make it so Sunday without going crazy. I’ll take it!

There were some definitive wins that I appreciated. I shall list them here, because it’s important to acknowledge the positives.

• I was able to pick up the mole from the restaurant while my son was at the dojo on Friday. I walked there and it was a lovely evening to be outside and I really appreciated the reprieve.
• The homemade horchata was a big hit! I used this recipe and both my kids loved it and their friends liked it too. I’ll definitely be making it for the party this year, and probably for many years to come.
• Costco had evaporated AND condensed milk for a FRACTION of the price I paid for them at Safeway. Hooray!
• I got the final prizes for the party ready, and I found cheese tamales. At this point I have everything I need for the party, I just need to soak the rice tomorrow night and make the horchata on Tuesday night.
• I did one class’s free reading boards Friday night and one Saturday night which means I only have two tonight, and both of them don’t have that many boards. {UPDATE: It’s 10:50pm and I just finished them all! WOO HOOOO!}
• My daughter and her friend let me watch Dance Moms with them Friday night and then they watched an episode of Vanderpump Rules. It was fun to hang out with them, and this is when I got one class’s boards done. I love me some trashy reality TV. Which is a great foray into the next bullet point…
• My husband signed up for a free week of some streaming service to watch the NBA semi-finals, and it has the most recent season of Vanderpump Rules. It’s the post-Scandaval season and I am 100% here for it. I may have already watched 7 episodes on my phone (mostly it’s just on in the background while I do other stuff). {UPDATE: I’m on episode 9 now.}
• The summer camp that uses our campus over the summer gave our school’s staff a 50% off code and I put my son in 2.5 weeks of camp, with one week of extended care, for $750! Now we have his entire summer confirmed. It was especially nice to get the week I’m still in school for such a low price, as we really needed that. Also, for one week he’ll be at a camp on my school’s campus and my parents will be taking him to camp for 2-3 nights that week so my husband and I can have a no-kid break for a bit (our daughter will be at an overnight camp that week). I am VERY excited for this. I spend A LOT of time with the kids in the summer, and the travel can be intense, so I will really appreciate some down time in the middle.
• Speaking of my daughter’s away camp, we did all the paperwork for it this weekend. There were so many forms to fill out! I am so glad it’s all done. It’s been hanging over my head for a while.
• The boys did well during the spend the night. They ate dinner, didn’t ask for a ton of snacks, gave me their devices at bedtime, were asleep around midnight, enjoyed the pancakes I made, and were gone by 11am. It honestly wasn’t that big of a deal to have them over.
• My son ran some errands with me today. We’re listening to John Scalzi’s Redshirts (I already had it on my Audible account) and we listened to that in the car. I really like running errands with my son. It can be much nicer than going alone, and it gives my husband a break at home.
• We made an initial assault on the backyard and after I figured out how to fix the weed wacker, we made good progress. I covered my whole body, and wore a mask, and didn’t have an allergic reaction, despite being out there in the considerable wind for over two hours. The last time I cut the high grass I got hives, so this time I went out in full riot gear. It worked!

This week I have my final physical therapy appointment for my knee on Tuesday, the Blackout Party on Wednesday and our Celebration of Learning on Thursday. Friday is a minimum day and then it’s a long weekend (I literally just realized this, I’ve been so fixated on getting to Friday that I forgot about the long weekend!) Once I remembered it was Memorial Day weekend, I asked my parents if they could take the kids on Saturday night and they said sure. So not only will it be a long weekend, but my husband and I will get some kid-free time! I feel like we’ve barely seen each other this spring, so it will be very much appreciated.

And now it’s getting late so I might as well put up this post. I hope you all have a great week.

The end of the school year is always crazy. It’s crazy for my kids. It’s crazy for myself as a teacher. It’s crazy for our family (our daughter’s birthday is right after she gets out and right before I get our – literally the worst weekend every year). This year is especially intense because our daughter is “graduating” from middle school. There is a lot going on.

These are just a few of those events. Honestly I might be writing this text just to keep things straight for myself.

Son’s three friends sleeping

• Tomorrow night.
• The four boys made plans but no one else could host so I stupidly offered to host.
• Totally avoidable (and yet I did not manage to avoid it).
• Sigh.

Blackout Party

• Next Wednesday at lunch.
• 45 students invited (because they did extra work to blackout their Book Bingo boards).
• Costco bought tamales (though they don’t have cheese anymore so I have to find those elsewhere. Why?!
• Mole from one of my favorite restaurants (Donaji)
• Homemade horchata?! (I’m going to attempt to make it this weekend and if it doesn’t taste good I’ll buy a bunch of 1.5L bottles of Jarritos.
• Prizes! Squishmallows! Mini piñatas with candy! Merch from our favorite Spanish learning site! Mini-succulent LEGO sets!

Daughter’s 8th Grade Promotion

• At a high school near her actual campus (it has a bigger auditorium)
• Both sets of grandparents will attend
• Hoping brother can attend (we’re only guaranteed six tickets)
• On a Thursday evening, which I find kind of annoying.
• We all have school the next day. Blerg.

Daughter’s Promotion/Birthday Party

• Last Friday of the month (day after promotion)
• 12 girls sleeping at our house (including our daughter)
• 3 in beds, 2 on futon bed, 5 in blow up beds, 1 on sleep mat, 1 on couch?!
• Girls will have free range of upstairs, we’ll stay downstairs (son will be at grandparents’ house)
• I’m both dreading this, and immensely grateful that she has so many middle school friends she wants to invite to it.

Daughter’s Family Birthday Party

• This is not planned.
• It’s not even conceived of. I literally just thought of it.
• Maybe we’ll just do dinner after her promotion? But that would be pretty late on a weekday.
• My husband is out of town the whole week before her birthday and I refuse to be responsible for making out house presentable for a double grandparent event.
• I think dinner out somewhere after her promotion makes the most sense. I should make a reservation somewhere. Better yet, my husband should. He’s much better at that anyway.

This past week was long. Those margins I was remarking on earlier this week were absolutely not driving my daughter to swimming. After next week things will be much better. A week later they will be better still.

I just gotta keep on keeping on until the summer break.

May is coming fast and furious. I’m still eyeing next Friday for things to calm down at work, but I’ve already noticed some more margins in my day to day life. (I’m realizing this might just be that I didn’t have to take my daughter to swimming for two days.)

Saturday night I went to sleep wondering if my sore throat was really just allergies and talking a lot, or an actual cold. My 4am I was sure it was the latter. All day Sunday I felt absolutely awful. I rallied to have brunch with my parents (I told them ahead of time I felt gross), because reservations at that spot are hard to come by and I knew I won’t be able to meet with them on a weekend again for over a month. But once I got home, I didn’t do much. I was so, so grateful to my husband for managing everything, including taking our daughter to school at 10:30pm for her two day college visit trip to SoCal.

Monday I also felt awful but I went to school because it was not a good day to be out. The first three classes were rough, but by 5th and 6th period I felt better. By Monday evening I felt almost decent. I was able to stay up until 11pm to get some work done, and I was glad for that. Tuesday was another okay day at work. I took my son to the dojo, but didn’t assist. I tried to go to bed early but I couldn’t fall asleep until midnight. I am so envious of people who can fall asleep early when they want to.

Wednesday was kind of a nuts day. I had a meeting at school and then it was STEAM night at our daughter’s school, where a video project for her media arts was shown, and her Robotics team did a demo. Of course it ran way later than it was supposed to and we didn’t get home until 7:45pm.

Today is a hard day at work, but it won’t be as bad as it could have been because 3rd period lost their opportunity to film their third and final video skit. I am relieved and they honestly don’t seem that disappointed. That means I only have one more video skit to film and by this afternoon it will be over!

After I finish processing the free reading boards this weekend, and putting together each classes’ Digital Portfolio templates, I will be feeling pretty good about work. Next week is our “Celebration of Learning” (formerly know as “Open House”) and I’m trying to decide if I want to put on the big Blackout Party (for kids who blacked out their book bingo boards) the day before or the next week. Part of me thinks doing it the day before is nuts, but I don’t have to teach anything in Advisory that day, which means I could spend that entire hour prepping for the party. And if I decorate for it, that stuff will still be out for the Celebration of Learning. Also, I don’t plan to teach much on Wednesday and Thursday of that week, so maybe it’s the perfect time get it over with.

I think really I just want to get it over with. Because the last week of May there is a lot of family stuff (our daughter’s 8th grade promotion! Eek!) so I think I’d rather focus on family that week. I guess I just used this post to help me make my decision!

Sorry this isn’t much of a mid-May update. I can’t really believe we’re half way done with May. I can’t believe I just got a gnarly cold. I can’t believe that my daughter spent 48 hours in southern California on a school trip. I can’t believe her promotion is in two weeks. I can’t believe how bad my allergies have been, despite still getting shots once a month. I can’t believe I read that taking anti inflammatories can lengthen healing times for knee injuries, but my doctor never mentioned it to me (no more lower back pain relief I guess). I can’t believe there are only four weeks of school after this one.

I meant to put this up last night but I crashed hard around 10pm. Oh well. It’s Thursday and I’m taking my daughter to swimming again so it will be an extra long one. But there are only three horrible long Thursdays after this one! (the last Thursday is the last day and a minimum day so it doesn’t count). I definitely can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m at my son’s swim lesson again. It was my husband’s turn this week, but our son was home sick on Thursday and my husband stayed home with him. For this I was very grateful, and it felt like the least I could do was take him to swimming today.

Plus, I could grade quizzes while I was there. I could get some of my own stuff done, while giving my husband some time.

Then I left those quizzes at home. Sigh.

This is yet another weekend that will require hours of work from me. My free reading program is coming to a close and we’re filming our final video skits in the last two classes. Both require a fair amount of work from me.

I’ve been thinking hard about how to change things so I’m not working so much next year. The problem is that these two giant time sucks are the aspects of my program I am most proud of. Especially the free reading program, which is the result of many years of development and tweaking. It gives the kids’ choice, and incentivizes them to read more than what is required. Reading comprehensible texts is a powerful language acquisition tool, especially at this level, and I know it’s valuable. The thought of getting rid of this program breaks my heart. So I’m trying to find ways to scale it down or otherwise make it more manageable. So far I haven’t come up with anything.

The video skits are easier to par down. We could just do two in each class instead of three. There are probably other ways I could make them easier for myself. I’ll definitely be considering that, as I don’t feel they are as effective a language acquisition tool. Of course, they are a student favorite. Everyone on campus talks about it when we’re filming our video skits. It’s kind of a big deal. And it could still be a big deal when we do two, instead of three.

The reality is, I don’t mind working some at home, even on the weekends, IF I have the time to do it. This weekend feels very full, and I’m having to make time when it feels like there are absolutely no margins. Right now I’m on the elliptical because I needed to get some work done on the computer. I’m using my last ten minutes to finish up this post.

Tonight I’m seeing friends, which I desperately need to do. I worked about twice as long last night as I intended to, so I could not work tonight (the plans were made last minute last night).

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I am so fortunate to get to see my own mother and spend much of the day with her. My plan is to work before we meet up for brunch and then to work while the family is watching Galaxy Quest (at my request).

It’s not ideal, but it is what it is. Next weekend should be my last big push, and I’ll be asking for students to turn in their pages throughout the week so hopefully I won’t have too much to do over the weekend.

I hope everyone reading this has an okay day tomorrow. I know there are lots of reasons to feel stress, anxiety and sadness on this day. I have a complicated relationship with it myself. So I hope you all find a way to take care of yourself tomorrow, and that you feel meaningfully seen and appreciated by someone you love, regardless of your maternal status.

Friday

Friday I took the day off. I got to see my son’s music performance (eight trumpets playing Old MacDonald); I went for a little power walk on the Great Highway (more on that later) and then did some strength training at home, I didn’t watch a movie but I did finish Baby Reindeer (brutal). I also got the downstairs ready to host Book Club, which included a quick mop of the floors. I didn’t end up doing any work, but I made up for that on Sunday.

It was a pretty low key day off. I’m glad I took it. Getting ready for Book Club would have been hard without that time, and I appreciated being outside on Friday because rain was forecasted for Saturday, which was a very busy day.

Saturday

This Saturday was a lot like last Saturday. I took my son to swimming and then we went straight to the dojo (this time for his belt ceremony and board breaks). We hit up Free Comic Day at our local comic book store and got an arm load of free single issues and bought a couple graphic novels.

We got home around 1:30pm and went straight to Golden Gate Park for the youth art day at the DeYoung and an LiveSF event at the band shell. The DeYoung event was definitely geared toward younger kids but we enjoyed a couple exhibits. The live music at the band shell was fun – it had poured rain all morning but by 3pm it was sunny and a lot of people were there. A Weird SF event had been cancelled (due to the rain) and it was May 4th (May the Fourth be with you…) so lots of people were out in eccentric dress or Star Wars costumes. It was very authentically San Francisco.

At home again my daughter had a friend over and we enjoyed a very silly family dinner with her. Then it was movies and hanging out.

Sunday

Sunday we had nothing planned and I was grateful for that. I made the kids breakfast and did more laundry. I got some work done and worked out and got more work done. I ended up having to work pretty late into the night, but it was so nice to have everything done on Monday morning, because it’s a lot of work to organize stuff after a sub.

It was really nice to have my own little three day weekend, and I definitely felt more rested going into Monday than I would have been. We have six more weeks of school, in 2.5 weeks things should be a lot less stressful for me. I just need to get to Wednesday, May 22nd.

Or so I tell myself.

I had high hopes for my chiropractic appointment. My lower back has been killing me and my hips have felt very uneven. I was sure an adjustment (which I haven’t had in well over a year) would set me straight. And she did have plenty to adjust and it did feel great to feel parts of me slide back into place, but my back still hurt in the car on the way to work, and my hips aren’t anywhere near “normal” yet.

It turns out one chiropractic adjustment is not a panacea.

Which of course I know, and yet my disappointment on Tuesday suggests I didn’t really know. I was hoping, nay EXPECTING that once I forked over $110, my aches and pains would be over.

I’m glad that appointment was on Monday and that I’ve had several days to readjustment my expectations around my knee appointment and, more importantly, my day off.

The reality is, she probably isn’t going to say much at my knee appointment. Honestly. I’m kind of wondering why we’re having it. I do have some questions, but I feel like they could be answered over email. I don’t really feel like her tugging on me knee does much (she always says it feels good) and absent another MRI (which I’d rather avoid) it feels like the only way to move forward is by following established guidelines and trying stuff out when those guidelines say it’s safe (ie going for a short run and seeing how my knee feels afterward).

I guess the good news is that my knee does give me feedback when I try to bend it (negative feedback, it does not want to bend!) so I feel confident that once I can start working on that, I actually will know if I’m doing too much. But she’s not going to tell me I can run when I want to, or return to sparring when I want to return to sparring, and she’s not going to tell me anything else about my knee I don’t already know. I will be sure to ask what exactly we’re hoping to achieve when we schedule the next appointment. (I made this one assuming that if I tweaked my knee is any way during the test, I could ask her about that. So I’m partly glad this appointment feels unnecessary).

{If you have any suggestions for questions to ask at this appointment, please mention them in the comments! I’ve never had an injury like this, so I’m not really sure what I’m doing, and I’m sure I’m missing opportunities left and right.}

As for my day off on Friday, countless days off that did not provide the respite I needed have conditioned me to be more realistic with that one, but I could already feel myself reaching for Friday as the answer to my stress and it will not provide that. I get to see my son’s music class perform and I will have time to get the downstairs ready to host Book Club on Friday afternoon. I think besides that I should pick one thing I want to do that day, just for me, and luxuriate in that 2ish hours. Right now I’m assuming it will be a movie and popcorn, but I may splurge on a massage. Even just a 30 minutes stretch class with a roller would feel amazing if I could do it alone in my living room without feeling guilty for not being available to other people.

A realistic treat that I have identified as my “me time” will help make that day feel special, even if I clean up and grade papers before and after that treat.

{If anyone can recommend a good movie that is streaming now, I have most mainstream services except Amazon Prime Video.}

It’s common for my expectations to require readjustment, and that is especially true when I’m really overwhelmed and stressed. The reality is, nothing is going to alleviate the feeling of overwhelm in May, except identifying my priorities, making time to tackle the most pressing tasks, and finding ways to make tackling them more enjoyable (a bingeable show or audio book I’m about to finish two) would be great – again suggestions are welcome!) I know I can accomplish everything if I just keep plugging away at what I need to do. Eventually it will be mid-June…

I’m so underwater at work right now, that I’m realizing when I take Friday off, I’ll most likely spend much of that day… working. And I was trying to think of how many other professions there are where a person might take a day off to do work. Or would even be able to do that.

I used to take days off of work to get caught up on my grading and prepping all the time. Back when I was a newer teacher who had to do a lot more prep work, I would go through all the trouble to write sub plans, just so I could spend the whole day preparing for future projects and grading past projects. It absolutely sucked. And back then I make so little money, it was even more demoralizing to spend my few, precious, sick days that way.

I also worked through most of my breaks, but that feels a little different.

Now that I have the vast majority of my resources made, I don’t work away from school as much. I still arrive at school a full 60+ minutes before my first class starts, which means I spend at least over 20 hours a month not only working but actually AT WORK that I’m not paid for. But I only rarely spend long stretches of my evening and weekend time on work. I very much appreciate that.

This year I have so many students that I have been bringing work home. I’ve spent long stretches of the last three weekends working, and I’m still behind. And this Friday I will likely spend at least 1-2 hours working as well.

Which made me think, what other kinds of jobs might one be using their paid leave to get work (for that same job) done? It would have to be a job where there is a client-facing aspect and a paperwork aspect. I’m using my paid leave to not be in front of my students, so I can grade papers and prepare materials I need for next week.

It’s a bummer to be sure. If my classes aren’t smaller next year I’ll have to jettison some of this stuff, because this level of work is not sustainable for me anymore. I just don’t have the stamina to work this many hours for this many weeks at the end of the school year.

Do you ever take time off to get work done (for the same job)? What does that look like for you?