Not a Wasted Word

My best day

Posted on July 30, 2023 by noemikjames / 4 Comments

Yesterday was the best day. We got word that the pill form of the meds we’d been giving the cat were working and he seemed much better. I also got a massage (gifted to me by our friends for my belated birthday). At the house we’re staying at. On the “linai” (a partially walled in patio) where I could hear actual waves breaking in the background.

And finally, I got to swim with sea turtles.

You may remember that last year I was on a mission to swim sea turtles. I did end up getting to, but it definitely felt like everyone else was having an easier time of spotting them than I was.

This year I wasn’t as obsessed with the prospect, but knew I would be thrilled if it happened. So yesterday I asked to be dropped off at a spot that is known for sea turtle sightings, while my family scratched my son’s coconut cream pie itch.

The spot I picked was close to another spot where we snorkeled. I didn’t know much else about it. When I walked out to the water, I found a finger of lava rock jutting out into the ocean, and one family fishing off it. The surf was breaking hard on the rocks and there wasn’t anyone in the water anywhere. If my family hadn’t had driven away, I probably wouldn’t have gotten in.

But I had an hour and I could see the snorkeling would be beautiful so I went for it. And almost immediately I came upon two sea turtles, munching on coral in a long, slender strip of water along the shore.

At one point I was filming one and then turned around to see where the other one went and he was right behind me. He just floated there and we regarded each other for a long time. It was the most amazing moment.

I wish I could post the actual video. Maybe when I get home and have my computer.

The other snorkeling of the day was also great. The spot we wanted to go to was closed (locals said a monk seal was molting there), so we went to a nearby cove and liked it better. The water was less choppy and there was so much to see.

This last guy swam right up to me, just staring into my camera. Most of the fish are darting away from me, so I really loved this encounter. The snorkeling this year has been so great.

Today is our final full day. We had a long drive and a big hike planned, but we think we’re going to scratch that and hang out at the property with friends instead. I’m sure we’ll head out on some smaller adventures, like Ululani snow cones in Paia.

Tomorrow our flight is at 4pm so we’ll have time to hang out in the morning too. Which is wonderful, because I never get tired of this place.

Travel

Maui (a mostly photographic post)

Posted on July 28, 2023 by noemikjames / 2 Comments

I made it without any problems on Tuesday. My family picked me up from the airport and we went right to a snorkeling spot. It was cloudy but we could still see a lot.

Wednesday we were supposed to go to Io Valley, but it was raining on that side of the island. Instead we went to Twin Falls. It was raining when we reached the falls, but it stopped quickly and we had a ton of fun. We even climbed down to the lower falls and my daughter and I jumped off the little cliff a couple times.

On Thursday, it was clear in Io Valley so we made reservations and headed over. The park is small and the walk is short, but I must say, the views are amazing.

After visiting the park we headed to another spot, which was also beautiful, and which had a locals swimming spot in the river. The water was pretty cold but the kids got in and jumped off a little cliff a bunch of times.

Thursday we got home with some time to spare (my husband and several other adults went to a brewery), so the kids and I walked along the water.

Thursday night we grilled at the house and the kids and I hung out in the hot tub and then ran into the ocean over and over again. It was a lot of fun.

Today (Friday) we went to the pool (again for the rest of my family) and now we’re watching a movie with another couple’s kid so they can go to lunch out alone. My husband and I hope to do that another day too.

Things at home with the cats were going pretty well, but it’s getting bad again. We considered my husband going home a day early but we think if my parents come in the middle of the day (on top of my in-laws coming in the mornings and friends coming in the evenings), he can come home with us on Monday. We also got more antidiarrhea meds in pill form, which hopefully will be more effective than the liquid meds he was struggling to take.

Last night I was really stressed out, I couldn’t really sleep and when I did I had horrible stress induced nightmares. It was not good. I hate this situation and I’m trying not to spiral about the fact that our cat unravels like this when we’re away. I’m trying just to enjoy where we are, and be thankful that people are willing to deal with literal shit for us so we can be here.

Travel

What a week (and why I’m not yet in Hawaii)

Posted on July 24, 2023 by noemikjames / 5 Comments

Oops! I did not mean to be gone from here for a full week. And what a week it was! Such. a. week.

But before I get into that, I wanted to thank everyone for the kind words on my last post. My husband and I aren’t doing great right now, and I’m really hoping our time together in Hawaii allows us to reconnect in a positive way, because honestly, I’m kind of struggling.

Now back to this past week. As I mentioned before our cat Serval had some tummy trouble during our St. Louis trip that my in-laws had to deal with right before my husband got home. He came home and dealt with it some more, but it seemed to clear up. And then we all got home late on Sunday, and by Tuesday it was clear we were dealing with more cat tummy trouble. It ramped up until there was several days in a row that required extensive cleaning up of very foul smelling and disgusting messes.

On Thursday I was able to make an urgent care vet appointment for the following morning. I took him in and they ran some tests and $1200 later they determined didn’t have parasites, an obstruction or something else more serious, and sent us home with anti-diarrhea and antacid medicines, which he had also gotten via IV that day.

Saturday morning I woke up to the worst mess of all and after sobbing in a heap on the floor, I was able to concede that one of us had to stay home for a few more days because we couldn’t ask anyone to deal with this shit (literally). Luckily, we were able to change my flight to Tuesday without incurring any fees (we actually got a $65 credit!) and while I was really sad to miss part of our Hawaii trip, I knew it was the right thing to do.

And it really was. Saturday was a packed day for me and I got pretty much nothing done on Friday because of the vet visit. I was actually feeling really panicked on Friday night because I knew there was no way I could see Barbie with a friend in the morning and go to a concert that night with my dad, and still have everything ready for our 9am flight the following morning. Getting the extra 48 hours allowed me to enjoy Saturday (the movie was great and the concert was amazing), and gave me some much needed alone time at the house. And honestly, I wasn’t sad to miss Sunday at all because it was just a “wait in line at the car rental spot” and “get groceries for the kids” and “unpack and get settled day,” which I’ve already done with them a bunch this summer. I was happy to hand that off to my husband for once (he never does those things, he shows up after I’ve already done them). I was a little sad to miss today, but they just went to the pool, which is definitely fun, but I’ve also done that with them a bunch this summer so I’m fine to have missed it.

Instead of being there for those things I got to have the house to myself for a blissful 48 hours. I can’t remember the last time that happened, and it’s never happened when I didn’t have to work. I read 300 pages of my book (and finished it! I’m so happy because I started it before the last trip and didn’t want to travel with a giant library book, so I was bummed to have to wait another week to get it done) and binge watched Silo on AppleTV+ (I’ll be finishing it tonight).

I also picked up the house, found the spots that were still smelling and cleaned those (it was SO HARD to find them all!), finished a bunch of laundry, took books back to the library, cleaned (like actually cleaned) the cat boxes, wrote new cat feeding + medicine directions, founds ways to protect some of the furniture in case of another episode with the cat, emptied all the trash cans, took the bearded dragon out for his “bath,” and more! I even got to hang out with my friend yesterday, and I haven’t seen her all summer.

It really was the best way to spend 48 hours at home that you’re supposed to be spending in Hawaii, but had to miss because of literal shit. I’m trying hard to think of it as a reason and opportunity to better appreciate the days that I’m there. In the end I’ll have only missed today, because I gain hours tomorrow and land at noon, and my family is going to pick me up and take me straight to a snorkeling spot. All I’m missing is breakfast and packing food for lunch (and probably some fights about screen time – no thank you!) I just hope my flight is on time!

Oh and after 48 hours of nothing, Serval did finally go to the bathroom in his box. Twice! I even remember to get the requested stool sample and brought it into the vet today. I’m so glad I was here to make sure he’s okay, so I can worry less about how he’s doing while we’re gone.

And now to finish those cat feeding instructions, which I mentioned above but are not, in fact, done.

Uncategorized

Disappointed

Posted on July 19, 2023 by noemikjames / 9 Comments

My birthday was Monday. My family did… nothing. Not a card. Not a small gift. Nothing. I mean I got some “Happy birthdays” and a couple hugs. My husband made my favorite meal (at my request). But afterward he threw himself on the couch, declaring how exhausted he was, and how it was all my fault because of our ridiculous travel plans (coming home so late the night before a week of camp).

And they were ridiculous and I was annoyed at myself for making them and also, he was home all week alone with the cats, working yes but also getting A LOT of down time.

He had enough time last week to see a friend twice. And to beat Zelda Tears of the Kingdom. But he didn’t have enough time to make me a card or do anything for my birthday. Yes, he picked up the house, which I requested. But is that a birthday present? Is that even something I should have to ask him to do, like it’s a favor?

Would it be a favor to him if I did it while he was away?

You may remember it wasn’t picked up because he had Covid the week before our trip and I was sleeping in the living room until the night before we left. He played A LOT of Tears of the Kingdom that week too.

I did ask for something for my birthday, by the way. But I was told it wasn’t feasible that week, but maybe in August. (I asked that he pick up the house and get a house cleaner).

I was honestly so ready to just let my birthday disappointment go. I was jettisoning it that morning as I got the kids ready for camp. But then he said something about me tidying the medicines/vitamins area and I lost my shit. He always says he can’t deal with shit himself because it’s my stuff and he’s not sure what to do with it. Can he really not go through the little tray of medicines and vitamins and pitch what is several years old and organize the rest? Or even leave a few for me that he’s unsure what to do with? Once I asked him to clean out and organize the Tupperware containers and he just moved a couple things around and called it done. There was still popcorn and other shit all over the bottom of the containers (they just sit open under our kitchen island so shit falls into them constantly) – does he not see that? Or not care? I asked him once to please wipe off our bathroom sink and even suggested he set a weekly reminder about it in case he doesn’t see that it’s getting dirty and when I mentioned it again later he didn’t remember even having the conversation.

All the books and articles say you have to ask for what you need, you can’t expect someone to read your mind. Yesterday, I told him very clearly today, in an email, that for Mother’s Day and my birthday I would like just one thing that shows me I’m seen and appreciated. No money has to be spent, just words on a piece of printer paper is fine. We’ll see if it happens. I don’t have much hope.

I feel like I spend so much time and energy anticipating his needs and trying to meet them, and honestly I resent the fact that I have to identify and articulate my own over and over again. It’s been a hard year for him. I know this. But I’m getting tired too. And I would appreciate my spouse recognizing that and trying to do a little something to show he appreciates me.

This week I’m trying to find a balance between getting some stuff done around the house and savoring the alone time between trips. Right now I plan to listen to the new Sigor Ros album (we’re seeing them in August) while I read my book. That will be lovely, a gift I’m giving myself.

Parenting & Family/Travel

Thoughts at the end of this trip

Posted on July 16, 2023 by noemikjames / 2 Comments

Our two week trip to visit extended family is over. We’re at the airport waiting for our first flight toward home. If our second flight, which was pushed up and now has been delayed to its original time, leaves when it’s supposed to we’ll be arriving in San Francisco at midnight (so 3am “our” time).

And the kids have camp tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also my birthday, so I’m hoping their present to me is a morning of minimal complaints despite how tired they will surely be. Today was a super low key day (I’m not a big fan of ending a trip with a late flight), so hopefully that will help too.

I can’t believe we were at the farm exactly two weeks ago. That was an amazing three days, then some more fun in St. Louis and then almost a week of awesomeness with cousins in Charleston. It’s been a really good two weeks.

The trip to Charleston was especially great. My cousin and I get along really well. We’re both pretty laid back and have similar parenting styles. We’re both teachers so we have lots to talk about.

Our kids got along great. Her kids have similar eating habits to mine, which made what can be a tricky situation seamless. Every day we had a perfect mix of activities and down time. The kids were respectful of each other’s needs for down time when it got to be too much. Everyone slept decently. It just went really well and I’m so pleased.

The kids have camp this week and then Sunday we’re off to Hawaii. Then the kids and I are headed immediately to the KOA for three nights. And then there are just 1.5 weeks of summer! How is it going so fast?

Right now we have the kids in camp for that last full week but I’m thinking of pulling them. It’s just been non-stop and it’s a lot. We usually fly mid-week which gives them an extra day or two plus the weekends to recharge. We’ve been traveling on the weekends this year so they aren’t getting that down time. Also my son is in basketball camp that last week and he didn’t like his first session of that camp much at all. My daughter is in painting and I want her to take that but we could switch to afternoons instead of all day so she could sleep in.

We’ll see. I’m going to keep thinking about it. If I do that, then this week is the last I have with the kids in camp. I’m not sure I’m ready for this to be my last chance to get stuff done around the house, because I’m tired and we’re heading out again so soon. I’m also not super excited by the prospect of my son complaining about being bored all day and begging me for video game time.

Parenting & Family/Travel

Shem Creek + Botany Bay

Posted on July 15, 2023 by noemikjames / 1 Comment

On Thursday my nephew has a well visit scheduled in the middle of the day so we had keep our morning activity short. We went to Shem Creek, where many important scenes from Outer Banks were filmed. (I took pictures to impress my middle schoolers next year.) it’s a beautiful spot and the only disappointment was that we didn’t see dolphins.

Afterward, we got shaved ices and ultimately spent the afternoon at my other cousin’s pool. I swear, the kids could play there all day.

Yesterday we went to Shell Beach (officially named Botany Bay). My cousins told me it had trees in the water and I guess I assumed it was like a mangrove near an estuary. What I did not assume I would find was a breath taking landscape of fallen trees on soft white sand.

Some of them are still in the ground. And looking stunning.

I feel like none of these do it justice!

You have to visit at low tide or most of beach (and trees) is submerged.

I found a shell that looked like a mushroom and I played around with it quite a bit.

It is expressly forbidden to take any shells from the beach, especially these magnificent conch shells.

I loved the juxtaposition of the fallen cypresses (?!) and the palms.

These are the mangrove trees I expected when they said “trees in the water”.

The drive in and out was also stunning. I can’t get enough of these old growth oak trees and Spanish moss.

The hike to the beach was also beautiful.

“Look at this beautiful tree,” I said as I hiked in. Ha ha ha ha ha!

Last night I mentioned wanting to try their kayak in the water behind their house (truly not sure what to call it), so they pulled it out right then and I went for it.

It was almost sun down and the light was beautiful.

Last night my cousin and I talked for hours. We chatted about life right now and reminisced about our childhoods. We laughed so hard. It filled my cup, as they say. I’m so enjoying this trip. Truly, the only thing I’d change is the mosquitos (without bug spray I get eaten alive here) and maybe the heat (I’m handling it fine but my kids are struggling a bit). Im just so pleased by how this week has gone. It could have been very different if the kids weren’t getting along so well, or if we had different expectations, but instead it’s pretty much perfect.

Tomorrow afternoon we head home. We have been gone for two weeks which is the only reason I think we’ll be ready to leave.

Parenting & Family/Travel

Charleston! Downtown + Bee City

Posted on July 13, 2023 by noemikjames / 1 Comment

We arrived in Charleston on Monday night after two very short, uneventful, on time flights (and a surprisingly enjoyable trip to a random sculpture park in St. Louis before we dropped the car off). This week we’re having a ton of fun staying with my cousin, who has two kids that are close in age to, and get along great with, my kids.

It’s pretty crazy to me that my closest cousin and I had kids that are so close. It makes me very happy, and it’s not lost on me how lucky I am to have it. My cousin and I see so much more of each other as adults because our kids love each other, and my kids get to have a special bond with a set of cousins, just like I had. I just feel really grateful.

Our first day in Charleston we got up late and puttered about. My cousin and I went grocery shopping (I popped my Publix cherry and holy shit was it big), then we had lunch and headed downtown to walk around. We walked along the water, then through the old City Market (which was built hundreds of years ago to sell enslaved people), and then through some picturesque streets and finally though a cemetery (my daughter loved that).

The planter boxes (and landscaping in general) are beautiful here

I love the Spanish moss hanging on the trees.

At home we BBQed with my other cousin (he moved to a house down the street from his sister!) and the kids played on the trampoline and chased around the chickens.

These chickens crack me up. They just stand around on the back porch, loitering.

Big Momma knows she shouldn’t come inside, but she sure wants to.

Yesterday we went to Bee City Zoo, which used to be an animal rescue/reserve and which still allows guests to feed the animals. The kids has a great time letting lemurs snatch snacks from their hands.

At the end of the visit we went on a “safari,” where they pulled a couple platforms into a giant pen and all the animals came up to visit (and get treats).

Yesterday afternoon we swam in my other cousin’s pool. It was so nice to cool off.

The first two days have been super fun. The perfect mix of memorable activities and downtime with cousins. I’m looking forward to the next three days. This is a great trip.

Uncategorized

Up and down days

Posted on July 9, 2023 by noemikjames / 4 Comments

My husband returned home Friday night to find the cats in bad shape. Tl;dr – a lot of clean up was required and Panther was hissing at Serval, who has a bad cut under his eye. They have never fought before, not seriously, and we were pretty worried about them both. The good news is that 24 hours later they were both a lot better. The bad news is we’re not sure how to avoid a similar incident when we’re all away again in Hawaii. We need to find someone who wants to stay at our house, and we just don’t know anyone who is interested in that.

It was a really stressful 24 hours before we felt certain the cats were going to be alright. I didn’t sleep much one night and was very distracted the next day.

I’m so glad these two love each other again.

Our final days in St. Louis have been low key. We’ve had two events with my mom’s side of the family, which is very big. She was one of 12 kids and most of nine who are still alive live in St. Louis. Gatherings with her side of the family are loud and somewhat confusing for those of us who only see people once a year.

We spent yesterday at fun community pool with a couples slides, diving boards and a little lazy river. Yesterday the high was only 80 and it threatened to rain all day, so we came again today because my only other idea was 1.5 hours away and my kids play together great here.

I’ve gotten to see one of my cousins that I like a lot, but who has younger kids and has been pretty unavailable the last few years. This year we got to talk a lot and the was so nice.

Tomorrow we fly to Charleston. I love St. Louis but when every one is busy it’s hard to keep my kids occupied. I’m ready to head out on a new adventure, especially since their favorite cousin friends await us there.

[I worked out four times this past week and I’m quite pleased. The weather has been pretty cool so I got to run in 68-72* temps on two different mornings, which felt like heaven. I also did two strength training videos. I don’t think I’ll get to work out as much in Charleston but we’ll see.]

Parenting & Family/Travel

Botanical Gardens + City Museum

Posted on July 7, 2023 by noemikjames / 2 Comments

St. Louis has a lot of really fun things to do, especially for kids. I’ve always been very grateful that there are so many choices for ways to spend the day when I’m in the area to visit family. And many of them are free!

The Missouri Botanical Garden and the City Museum are not free, but both are worth the price of admission IMO.

We went to the Botanical Garden on Wednesday evening, after we got back from the farm. It actually was free to get in after 5pm, and there was a free concert at 7pm. We met my cousin and her two you kids at the start of free admissions. It was a beautiful evening and we loved seeing some of the new Chihuly scattered around the park as part of a summer exhibit.

Same installation, on the way out and wide angle.

The whole entrance is new and this is part of it.

The Botanical Gardens are a lot of fun, especially the kids area, which they revamped several years ago. That is where we hung out with my cousin for most of the afternoon. By the time the music started we were ready to leave. But the whole set up was really cool. People brought in entire tables to eat full course meals or play cards with friends. I’m sure the fact that it was a Wednesday after a holiday, and that the weather was gorgeous, meant we got to see the event in its full glory. I definitely want to go again next year.

Yesterday we went to the City Museum. It’s always been a favorite, but last year we didn’t go because of Covid (it’s crowded and mostly inside) and we weren’t in St. Louis for two years because of Covid too, so it’s been a while since we went. The kids remembered it immediately and were very excited to be there.

It’s hard to capture the insanity that is the City Museum. Everywhere you look there is something you can crawl into or climb. It’s sprawling and in a massive space and it just feels like you’re always missing half of what’s around you and you’ll never discover all it has to offer.

My son has been swallowed by a giant octopus!

About half way through the visit we watched the Harmony Circus kids do their act. It was a perfect excuse to sit down and have a snack. The kids were really good!

The area I liked the best this year felt new to me. It had lizards (so many bearded dragons!) and some cool fish installations. I could have hung out there all day, watching the chameleon walk around the enclosure.

These fish eat the dead skin off your fingers and it feels like tickling.

It was cool enough out that we even got to spend time outside.

That kid in the tube under the plane’s wing is my son.

And. Is we’re heading to the zoo, which is incredible AND free. So much fun stuff to do in St. Louis.

Connection/Identity/Parenting & Family

My favorite three days of the year

Posted on July 5, 2023 by noemikjames / 2 Comments

We’re back from the farm. It was so fun. Being there, with all my family, is the best. It’s truly my favorite three days of the year. We all just get along so well. We enjoy each other’s company. We take full advantage of this incredible place that my uncle owns and loves to share with all of us. We laugh so so hard at all hours. It’s the best.

And I take a million photos (actually I take 1000+ photos) and most of them have people’s faces in them so I can’t share them here. But I will share a few that I can.

A pano – it’s hard to capture it in its full beauty.

A group of kids swimming in the middle of the quarry (taken from the lawn behind the house.)

A giant grass carp we saw swimming at the end of our final trip to the dock.

The dock where we spend most of our time.

Last night they set off a ton of fireworks. My uncle buys about $500 worth every year and we get our own personal show. This year was kind of crazy. One adult got hit in the head with something (and it bled A LOT) and a small fire broke out (but it was contained almost immediately). Needless to say, it was a nuts finale to the weekend.

I love this shot of the chairs in the foreground.

They just kept going after all the drama!

It’s hard for me to convey how special this trip is for me. I love seeing my cousins, who were (and are!) an important part of my life and I love that my kids get to spend this special time with their cousins. I create a photo book every year and make copies for every family so all the kids can remember how incredible these 4th of July trips are. It’s just the absolutely best and I’m so glad we could all go this year.

We’re in St. Louis until Monday, when we fly to Charleston to stay with my cousin. My husband flies home on Friday. I’ll keep posting with any other fun stuff we do.