At 11 and 14, my kids still like to participate in Halloween, although the ways they do are changing. They both wore costumes to school. The 11yo wore his Deadpool body suit to school – without the swords and mask – and the 14yo dressed like a random video game character and everyone thought she was supposed to be Velma. I dressed as a Minion because that is what our staff voted for as our theme. The 11yo wore his Fall Guys hot dog out to Trick-or-Treat, but ended up being super annoyed by it.
Our costumes
The school day was long because Thursdays are always long and Thursdays with kids in costumes are longer.
I made sure my kids ate dinner early and by 6pm we were out of the house. The 14yo went to her friend’s house, where she thought they would go Trick-or-Treating, but they ended up staying in and she had big feelings about that. She was okay not going this year, but is not okay with never going again. It’s hard to grow up.
I went out with the 11yo and his friends. We went to a neighborhood that is close by, but that we’ve never been to on Halloween. It ended up being a great spot, and I’m sad we never went there before.
11yo and his friends
We passed by one house with over 100 beautifully carved pumpkins. Evidently 45 of them are fresh and the rest are foam and reused every year.
The 11yo’s party ended at 9pm and we were home by 9:30pm. I picked up the 14yo at 10pm and grabbed milk at the store on the way over there. I had to wait for the 14yo to shower (she takes forever) so I got a little workout in at 10:30. It was nuts but it worked. I was asleep by midnight.
Today is Day of the Dead and I was able to check out the festivities in the Mission after I picked up my husband from the airport. It was crowded and I was cold so I didn’t stay long, but I appreciated seeing some of it.
Ah! I’m so torn. Today is Nov 1, which is the first day of the month and the first day of NaBloPoMo, which I am enthusiastically participating in (sign up with San if you want to too!). I think I shall push my reintroduction post a couple days, because I want to spend today looking at some “Must-dos” for November.
As you may know, I read Kendra Adachi’s The Plan recently, and have been trying to create an organizational system that works for my ADHD raddled brain. Reading her book, I was made aware – AGAIN! – that my biggest problem is trying to take on too much. One of her recommendations is to look at the month ahead and write down a list of “Must-dos” and “Hope-tos”. Then, and this is maybe the most important part for me, she recommends breaking them down into their component parts, so you really see what each “task” requires. Most of the time one “task” is really a many step project.
November is a busy month for me this year because my sister is in town (she usually comes in January). A couple things happen every November (making the calendar and putting up the tree), and some are specific to this November (cleaning up the downstairs because of my sister in town AND I’m hosting book club on 12/1). So here are my five Must-dos, with a bonus Hope-tos at the bottom.
Make calendars
Text SIL to get her photos
Move photos on phone to folder
Upload photos
Choose template
Make calendar for fam
Make calendar for ILs
Final check and order calendars
Put up tree
Get tree from shed
Put together tree
Get down Xmas box
Put up lights + star
Decorate with kids
Reorganize Xmas box
Clean up downstairs
Straighten up kitchen
Wipe counters/mop kitchen
Straighten room
Vacuum/mop floor
Straighten bathroom
Wipe counters/mop floor
Clean shower
1A free reading program launch
Library inventory
Library barcodes print
Library barcode stickers
List page finalized
Boards copied
Patron QR codes printed
Slide deck updated
Sister in town
Sat (11/9) LoH DJ day with kids
Sat (11/9) evening plans?
Sun (11/10) dinner at parents’ house
Walk after school one day?
Something the weekend of 16/17?
Hope-tos
Clean out bench (to store Xmas presents)
Learn 2/3 of form (martial arts)
Donate clothes
Get rid of fridge
Tri2 pacing guide doc
1B library ready
Now that I have these lists written out, I will put events (when my sister is in town) on the calendar and tasks in the three priority bullet points for each week of the month. Hopefully then I’ll stay on top of these important projects and not end up having to do the whole calendar during the Thanksgiving break.
I’m realizing right now that this might be the most boring post ever! And I putting it up to start NaBloPoMo! A harbinger for what’s to come?! 🤣🤦♀️
I’ll check in at the end of the month to let you know how all these projects/tasks worked out. They all have to happen, so I know they will, I just want them to happen more intentionally. Maybe what I really hope to do is realize how much I’ve already committed to and make decisions about what else to commit to accordingly (a couple Hope-to tasks originally were on my Must-do list but I moved them over after seeing the entire list and being more honest with myself about what really had to happen and what I wanted to happen.
Happy Halloween! I meant to post this yesterday but it didn’t happen. Par for the course around here lately. {I do plan on participating in NaBloPoMo this year, though my recent track record would suggest I will struggle to post daily.}
Blerg. I try to keep it pretty positive here, but sometimes you just need to get out the gripes and grumbles, you know? And now is one of those times.
I lost a bag with some running clothes and my (very expensive) pair of Shokx open ear headphones. I remember I threw it all in a TJs bag and brought it into my room one day when I hoped to run after work. But I didn’t end up running and that bag went… who knows where! I haven’t run in ages so I didn’t realize it was gone until I went last weekend. At first I thought I just misplaced the headphones, but then I went looking for that particular running shirt and couldn’t find it either and remembered THE BAG. I have spent hours looking for THE BAG to no avail. I would look all over at home, then assume it was at school. Then I’d look all over school and assume it was at home. I was still in this endless cycle of increasing frustration when I went looking for a blue tutu I swore was at school (I have a bunch of different colored tutus for class video skits), but that was gone too! So I added a blue tutu to my “it’s at school, no it’s at home” cycle and thoroughly lost my mind.
At one point I realized I was as mad about the time I was wasting as I was about the lost items, and I finally just let it go.
Except, when I look for something for long enough I just get in that mindset and every time I walk into a room I look around wondering, could it be hiding in here? It’s truly driving me crazy. I HATE losing things. I’ve lost so many things in my life. I hope when I die I get to sit in a room and watch a slide show of where everything I lost ended up going, complete with a flimsy tripod holding the projector screen.
Another thing driving us crazy is our academic calendar. They moved our January PD (professional development) to Nov 1st, which means we have one less instructional day in our first trimester. I do get to visit our feeder high school that day, which I’m VERY excited about, but that day off is making it hard to finish everything I need to comfortably in the first trimester.
My next gripe is actually about the regular calendar because Thanksgiving week being the last week of November is making me crazy. Because it’s so late, we end our first trimester a week before the break, and have one week of the second trimester right before the week off. This is soooo annoying for so many reasons (assessments that count for Tri1, need to happen in Tri1, which means will be starting new material and then leaving for a week long break. Blerg.) But my grievances don’t stop there! The late Thanksgiving Break means we only have 3 weeks of instruction in December, except it’s not even a full three weeks because we have Friday 12/20 off and that Thursday is a short day?! Why?! Again, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to have an assessment when we come back from a two week break – somethings really should get done before we leave for such a long time. And when we come back from that break we’ll have TWO FULL WEEKS before MLKJr day off on 1/20. UUUUGH.
I really do not appreciate our academic calendar this year. It’s making the part of me that loves to make things fit nicely into the time provided want to tear her hair out.
Update: I planned out November and December for my 1A class and I feel a lot better about it.
Many of my classes have been watching Coco this week, as a culmination of our Day of the Dead unit, and I’ve been trying to use that time to put barcodes on all the books in my 1A and 1B libraries. I finally figured out how to generate the barcodes, but didn’t realize until it was too late that they printed in a totally random order. It took forever to locate each one. The good news is, I think I know how to avoid it happening for my 1B library. Fingers crossed!!!
Speaking of work gripes, I have so many kids this year who are missing so much school. I have 11 students who have missed 7+ days already this school year! I probably spend a third of my time posting digital copies of work for missing students (which they don’t do), or responding to their emails, or scoring and inputting their work weeks after we did it. I obviously don’t want students here sick, but none of these students are out for that many days because they are really so sick they need to stay home each time. School avoidance is real and it’s a massive time suck for teachers. Massive. (A few of these students are missing school for travel sports, which I will not speak my mind on because my views might not be popular.)
My final grumble is that I got my son’s cold. It’s not a bad one, but I don’t feel great. And today I’ve sneezed a thousand times I swear! I’m not sure what is going on, but my nose just itches constantly and I’m sneezing like crazy. It’s driving me nuts!
Tonight my daughter will be out with her friends and I’ll be taking my son out with his friend group. I’m exhausted and just want to stay home, but my husband is still in Dubai so I’m on tonight. Blerg. Maybe next week will be better…? I can’t believe tomorrow is November.
This was going to be a Five on Friday post and then a Six on Saturday post and now I’m barely getting it up on Sunday night. Blerg. I need to find better ways to prioritize blogging.
In the meantime, there are seven things making me smile today (and yesterday and Friday).
Brat shirt
My daughter and husband got me a Brat shirt at the Charli XCX concert. I cut it and I love it and I got a ton of compliments on it on Friday. Yay!
Friday Happy Hour
Son was invited to a birthday party on Friday afternoon. He was picked up from school and wasn’t home until 8:30pm. It also happened to be one of the few Fridays that the staff from my school got together for happy hour. I usually can’t go to these events, but this Friday I could! And it was lovely and I’m so glad it worked out timing wise.
Three good workouts
Somehow I managed to work out on Friday after happy hour. I did a 15 minute hill climb and then the final 30 min (full body) class of week 1 of Dale Duro. Saturday I went to sparring and then stayed for forms and high belt class. Sparring was intense, and so was forms – I was sweating bullets and so tired. Today I went for a short run (first time in forever) and then did the first class of the second week of Dale Duro (legs and glutes). I’m pleased with the ending to this week’s worth of workouts.
Taught Teens class without a lesson plan
I usually spend 30-60 minutes writing a lesson plan when I teach the Teens class at the dojo, but this week I just went for it. It was targets, which are easier to manage without a plan, but I was still proud of myself. I’m trying to sign up to teach more Teens classes, so I need to start feeling more confident about teaching without a written lesson plan. This was a good start!
New idea for school + Mega cardstock pack
I thought of a new way to do something at school and it solves several long standing problems. I am stoked! I should have time this week while my students are watching Coco to make it happen too. Speaking of school, I went to Office Depot on Wednesday to get cardstock for my book bingo boards and they didn’t really have a good set of colors, so I ordered a pack on Amazon. The colors are perfect, and there are 64 sheets of each color, which means I will have exactly enough for next year too! This pack has 50% more cardstock for $4 less than at Office Depot. Woot!
Book Club (+ I liked Here One Moment)
I got my book club book done literally minutes before we met. I really liked it! And I enjoyed talking about it at book club. (Mostly I loved hanging out with adult friends at book club – I was there for three hours!) I also finished Liane Moriarty’s newest book Here One Moment and ended up really liking it. I will admit the middle third was rough for me (just so much thinking about death, which can get to me), but I loved how it all came together at the end. I listened to the first third at x1 and the middle third at x1.5 then x1.75!), but ended it at x1.25. I listen to Liane Moriarty’s books because I LOVE the narrator, Caroline Lee. This book has another narrator as well and I really liked her too! It’s hard to hold one’s own next to Caroline Lee so props to Geraldine Hakewill.
Husband left for Dubai
My husband left for a work conference in Dubai today. He’s been working through BIG feelings about it and I’m relieved he is finally on his way so I do not have to help him manage those big feelings anymore. I hope the conference goes well, and that the kids and I survive Halloween on our own.
Speaking of Halloween, Son’s Deadpool costume came earlier than expected today and it actually fits him okay. He’s not sure he’s going to wear it, but it’s nice to have options. We may keep it for next year if he doesn’t want to wear it this year. (He has never seen any Deadpool movies, but he does read some of the comics on Marvel Unlimited (they are less R-rated.)
Oh wow, what a week. What a weekend! I’m so, so glad it’s over.
Friday I was pretty zonked because I couldn’t fall asleep until 2am on Thursday. I took my son to the dojo, but came home to work out while he was there. I did half my workout, then went to get him, and finished up when we got home. I also got pupusa’s for dinner by the dojo (a church sells them on the street on Fridays and they are soooo good and so reasonably priced).
Our daughter was at a sleep over Friday, so we had more opportunity to watch something, but we were both zonked so we didn’t really. I was bummed about that, but it was probably the right choice.
Saturday morning I got up way later than I intended – at 9:30! I never sleep in that late. I guess I needed the sleep after the fiasco that was Thursday night. I cleaned the house and wrapped birthday presents while my husband took our son to swimming. When they got back my husband and I walked to the SFUSD enrollment fair to learn more about a few middle schools were considering for our son next year. By the time we got back it was 30 minutes until grandparents arrived for our son’s family birthday. I will say, the house looked really good when they all got there. I was pleased.
The timing was weird on the family because of the enrollment fair in the morning and our daughter’s Homecoming dance in the evening. Even though we got together between meals, we ordered these amazing flatbread pizzas from my friend’s restaurant, and my in-laws were kind enough to pick them up for us. We all snacked on them while the almost 11-year-old (his actual birthday is Tuesday) opened his presents. Then we had cake, and everyone was gone about 1.5 hours after they got there. I very much appreciated that.
After spending about 45 minutes in the backyard working on my next martial arts form, I helped my daughter get ready for Homecoming. A little before 7pm I took her over to the dance. She looked lovely, and even though she’s been managing some friend drama that reared its ugly head at the dance, she had a good time.
My husband picked her up around 10pm and she was up super late after she got home, so again we didn’t watch anything. Oh well.
Sunday I was up at a reasonable hour (8:30am). I worked out, as did my husband, and by 1pm we were out the door. Our son wanted Krispy Kreme donuts instead of cupcakes, so we stopped there before heading to Dave & Busters. I did not realize there would be a 49ers game right when I booked the party, or that Dave & Busters is such a popular place to watch football. It was totally nuts there, and I was very thankful the birthday room was separate from the main area.
Most of the invitees had a soccer game until 2:15pm that day, so we knew they would be late. Luckily two friends came on time and my son headed out to play games with them. The rest of the crew was there by 2:45. They ate, and played the games, and enjoyed donuts right before we lost the table at 4pm. We had extended the party to 4:30 for the soccer players, since the game cards worked all day, and that timing ended up being perfect. They were pretty much done by then, and ready to go home. They enjoyed their goodie bags and had a great time. It was definitely a success, and even though I blanched at the final bill, I was soooo grateful that we had it there and whole party required so little planning on our parts.
We hit up Spirit Halloween on the way home, because I’ve been worried my son’s Deadpool costume would not arrive in time for Halloween. He found a Fall Guys hotdog costume the he LOVES, so now I can let go of that anxiety, and I’m so grateful for that. He seriously wanted to wear it all afternoon.
We got In-n-Out on the way home, which my husband and daughter ate very quickly, because by 6:30pm we were back in the car and I was dropping them off a couple blocks from the Chase Center to see Charli XCX. I really wanted to go to this show, and was going to for a bit (my husband offered me his ticket), but it was clear my daughter wanted my husband to go, as was originally the plan, so I conceded (and her relieved response suggested that was the right move). I’ve definitely felt pangs of jealousy this evening, as I did all the start-of-week and end-of-day chores while they enjoy the show, but I’m also wiped so it’s probably for the best.
I’ve finished the two main parts of The Plan and spent some time at Dave & Busters today doing a brain dump and trying to plan November, which will be a tricky month because my sister is coming to town. I only get to see her once a year (she lives in London), so I have to take advantage of her being here, which can be stressful since the rest of my life has to happen too. We have a complicated relationship and hanging out with her is not always joyous so… I don’t know. It’s just a little fraught. And I’m trying to be more intentional by naming what is important and identifying how I feel about it, what has worked well when she’s in town and what has caused stress. Maybe I can actually figure out how to enjoy her being here, instead of mostly dreading it before she comes, feeling stressed out when she’s hear, and then regretting choices I made after she leaves. Blerg. We shall see.
And now a little rundown of my workouts this week, because I want to keep track of that moving forward, as it’s been such a point of contention between my husband and I.
M: This was the day I attempted my first bike bootcamp, and realized I couldn’t cast to our old screen and still hear on my AirPods. After burning crazy time trying to make it all work, I gave up and did a 30 minute Intervals and Arms class with Tunde.
Tu: Forms, Sparring Concepts (Ground Grappling class), then Sparring at the dojo.
W: Rest day (I mostly picked up the house).
Th: The new monitor (with speakers!) came right when I got home from school, and I was able to set it up and do a 45 minute bike boot camp (w/ Jess Sims)! It was awesome. The only hard part is I can’t pause the class when it’s casting, and I realized that I pause the class a lot! This is ultimately a good thing, as I’ll be more efficient with my workout time if I can’t pause the classes, but it’s going to take some getting used to.
F: 20 min hill climb (w/ Robin Arzón) + Dale Duro class 1 (glutes and legs). The hill climb was super hard – I was sweating bullets by the end and totally out of breath. It was my first cycling class (no bootcamp) and I really liked it. I’m very excited to explore more 15-30 minute classes like that before I do strength training. I also started my first Peloton program, called Dale Duro (w/ Camila Ramón), which is three weeks long and entirely in Spanish. I really like it, and I’m pumped to try a program and see if it feels more comprehensive than just throwing stuff together myself.
Sa: Rest, but I did spend 45 minutes in the backyard working on my form.
Su: 15 min Groove ride with Camila Ramón, then Dale Duro class 2 (upper body).
Reading: I finally finished Marina, which was the final Carlos Ruiz Zafón book I had never read. I don’t think I realized he died in 2020, and I’m sad he won’t be writing any more. I absolutely LOVED La Sombra del Viento (The Shadow of the Wind) and the other books in that series. I also liked his YA trilogy a lot. It was bittersweet to finish the last book of his I’ll ever read. I also basically finished The Plan, and started my book club book, The Dream House. I’ve been listening to Liane Moriarty’s new book Here One Moment, but it’s hard to binge listen to because it’s about death and it bums me out really quickly. I usually listen to her books like crazy and finish them in a couple days, but this one is taking me a while. It’s just not something I always want to put on.
I am so very glad that this weekend is behind me. It was nuts, and we got through it because we planned it all really well, but it was so exhausting. I am so glad it’s over.
We never did actually write out our ideal weeks, but we thought about them enough to have a productive conversation about what we each want and need. My husband unearthed a spreadsheet we used during the pandemic to keep track of when people had to be on Zoom (each person has their own sheet with a column for each day, and that info is aggregated onto one sheet so we can see each person’s day next to the others’s for each day), and we’re using it to see what a week looks like and plan things like who is working out when, who is making dinner for whom, who is eating dinner with whom, and who is away from the house. My husband appreciates knowing where everyone is and when he has time to get stuff done. I appreciate that this forces us to be more intentional about the things that are most important to us. I have not conceded any time at the dojo, but have promised to get my home workouts done before he gets home whenever possible, especially on the nights he’s slotted to workout. We’ll have to see if its enough to make life feel less relentless and more manageable. I’ll keep you all updated.
Peloton bike
I got toe cages to add to the clip pedals ($40) so I can decide which ones I want to use (regular tennis shoes on Bootcamp days and clip shoes when I won’t be getting off the bike). I got a new screen with speakers ($80) and a Roku Streaming Stick ($30) so I can cast to the other room when I’m doing bike boot camps, instead of trying to lift weights in the shitty kitchen. All in all I spent $450 on the bike and accoutrements (the screen and Roku were deeply on sale), which is a really good deal. Most used Peloton bikes sell for $600 at the very lowest, and to find one in the city (many of them are much farther away) for $300 was a real steal. I feel very lucky and I’m so excited to use it. The screen is crystal clear (I’ve been recording bike boot camps with Zoom, and the video was always VERY choppy), and it’s so fun to see if my cadence and resistance are staying within range, not to mention my output. It’s much more enjoyable than hacking the cheap bike. Of course, I would never have known I’d be interested in a Peloton bike without hacking the cheap bike, so I guess it was the right place to start. I’m just thankful I was able to transition to the much nicer experience for a reasonable price. Oh and I changed my subscription and paid $240 for a year. I’m pretty happy with that too.
Son’s birthday parties
I cleaned the kitchen and hall floors last weekend, and have been clearing away the clutter in the upstairs all week. We have presents at the house (but not wrapped), and a plan to order some finger food for when the grandparents are here (but not actually ordered yet). I’ve confirmed our head count at Dave & Busters and received RSVPs from eight of the nine kids who are invited. I put together the goodie bags this afternoon. Dave & Busters provides food and drinks, so all I need to do is buy cupcakes somewhere this weekend, probably on Sunday morning, before the party.
Planning
I got a cheap academic year planner with weekly and monthly layouts that I’m using to keep track of things, and so far it’s been very helpful to have both in one book. I like that it has three main priorities to check off at the top of the week. I wish it also had some check-boxes for each day, but I’m just adding those in myself. My old book had all to-do lists and habit trackers on the left and the whole week on the right, so each day had very little space, and the whole weekend was just one block. The new book has M-W on the left and Th-Su on the right, and Saturday and Sunday get their own spaces! Woot! I’ve also finished the first section of Kendra Adachi’s The Plan and I’m liking the message so far. I’ve just started the strategies section, so we’ll see if there are some concrete suggestions in there to help me. The main idea seems to be boiled down to “do less” and this is a hard message for me to get behind, but one I probably need to embrace. We’ll see if I can actually put that into practice.
Work
Last week was conferences and it was rough. This week has been better. I stayed up late Monday night to get caught up on the most important grading, and even though I was kind of a zombie on Tuesday (after five hours of sleep), it was worth it. I’ve been staying on top of my grading all week, because I know I won’t have much time this weekend. I just have one big project to score for my 1A classes, and I will prioritize that on Sunday. I wrote up a new agreement with my 3rd period and have been consistent with it and it’s definitely helped. Things are actually pretty decent at work right now. Fingers crossed that keeps up…
Thank you all for your comments on my last post. We still haven’t had our follow up conversation, but I shared an ideal week template with my husband and suggested we each come to the table with what we’d ideally like our weeks to look like, so we can hopefully find a compromise that satisfies both of us. I’m hoping that will keep the conversation productive, and prevent it from spiraling into animosity. The last thing I want to do is rehash old resentments (something I’m prone to doing), which will not help us move forward. I promise I will update once we’ve talked about it more.
In the meantime, and in an attempt to stay positive, here are some things I’m either enjoying, or looking forward to.
Enjoying
Pumpkin flavored things. My husband went to TJ’s last weekend and got ALL the pumpkin stuff I love. I’ve been eating pumpkin brioche with pumpkin cream cheese, and I just made pumpkin pancakes. There is other pumpkin stuff in our cupboard and I love it all. My love of pumpkin stuff is definitely not of the caliber of some people, but it used to be and I still enjoy it quite a bit. I’m happy there is more pumpkin flavor in my immediate future.
Cooler weather. It still is not properly cool, but I will take mid-70’s over mid-90’s any day. Every time I feel a cool breeze on my face I feel giddy. I just hope it starts to feel like fall soon.
Great America. I took the kids to Great America today and the lines were short and we got on a ton of big rides with almost no wait time. My son rode my favorite roller coaster (Flight Deck – formally Top Gun) for the first time, and in the front row (the only way to ride it) and he loved it. My parents joined us for the final hour and a half and then took the kids back to their place.
Looking forward to
Date night with my husband. My parents took the kids so we could enjoy a date night. We need to reconnect and enjoy ourselves. And I think if we do that before our big convo, we’ll be better able to really hear each other and be open minded about each other’s requests. We’re also seeing a band I loved in college, which is a last minute addition to the night and one I’m thrilled about.
My son’s birthday being over. Kind of a cop out since it’s a gripe wrapped in a “looking forward to,” but it’s a week from Tuesday and by then the family birthday, the friend party and the managing his emotions about it all, will be over. I’m very much looking forward to getting his birthday out of my brain.
Day of the Dead + Halloween. I’m already teaching Day of the Dead at school and it’s been a lot of fun. I love the holiday and I love teaching my students about it. I wish the dominant US culture made space for remembering people who have died in a celebratory way. I’m grateful this holiday has made space for that in my life.
As for Halloween, I’m a little anxious about managing the actual day (and the prep leading up to it), myself, but I still am looking forward to it. I love the decorations and the costumes. We did my daughter’s costume cheap (we dyed last year’s Clueless skirt dark green, she’s borrowing a top from my mom and found a jacket at a thrift store), my Minion costume was very reasonable (that is what we’re being at school) and hopefully my son’s Deadpool costume will come in time (I def shit the bed on this one – I’m annoyed at myself – but I do believe it’s more likely to arrive on time than not.)
My new (to me) Peloton bike. Holy shit getting it in my car was a shit show. But we managed it (it stuck out the back of the trunk and was held in by my bike rack), and driving home from that side of the city on a Friday at 6pm was excruciating, but it’s at the house and it works and I’m so excited to try it. I got pedals that have both clips and toe cages and they came today, so I’ll be able to try it tomorrow (I have clip shoes, but they are at my parents’ house). It’s a really sleek machine and is sooooo much smoother to ride than my $200 stationary bike. I can’t wait to know what my resistance is! And my output! I’m very much looking forward to taking my first official Bike Boot Camp class tomorrow.
Do you have a three day weekend? What are you enjoying and looking forward to right now.
October has not offered the relief I was hoping for, and earlier this week I kind of lost it. I cried. My husband and I had a fight. Two in fact. It sucked. I felt really despondent.
I tried to identify why things kept feeling impossible. I wondered when things were going to get better. My husband suggested that amount of exercise I’m attempting, and my commitment to the dojo specifically, were untenable. I’m actually really glad he brought that up because I’ve been feeling like he thought that way, but instead of raising the subject, he would just passive aggressively sulk around. And I’ve determined that being at the dojo four hours every Saturday (three hours + 30 mins on the bus/getting ready on either side), and then taking my son somewhere (with our without his friends) for most of Sunday so I could “give my husband back that time,” was part of the problem, because it wasn’t leaving me any time or space to get shit done around the house on the weekends. Now, at least, he has to admit that it’s a problem, so we can talk about possible solutions. That is definitely a step in the right direction.
I definitely feel some resentment, because I don’t feel like the time I spend exercising, including the dojo, is any more than the majority of the women I read (who prioritize exercise), and yet none of them seem to have issues at home with it. And it has always, ALWAYS, added stress to my marriage, because I’ve always assumed it was too much, and gone out of my way to “give back” that time, even though my husband has had various GIANT personal time commitments over the years and he NEVER tried to make space for me and my needs. I have to leave the house to get space. I take the kids away to give him space. They are two totally different things.
We still need to have an actual conversation about it. I am trying to figure out my talking points. I have historically hated this conversation because I swear he would gaslight me about his expectations, saying I was assuming he needed time when he didn’t, but then as soon as I took time and didn’t immediately reimburse him for it, he would get sulky and withdrawn.
And that is part of what pissed me off this week. He keeps asking how he can help more, since I’ve been so unhappy and overwhelmed, going so far as to suggest renting ZipCars to take the kids to appointments in the afternoon (something he would never do), and I was like, I just want to be able to be at the dojo one weekday evening and for a long stint on Saturday and not feel like I need to repay that time, and he was like that’s fine! And then 48 hours later he was sulking all over the house after I got back from my Tuesday classes. So I’m glad he finally just said it, or asked the question, have you ever considered that your commitment to exercise, and the dojo is untenable? And I asked if he meant for me or for him/our family and he hasn’t answered that for me yet.
Because I guess, if I have to “repay” that time, it is too much. But should I have to? I really don’t know. I have always done so much with the kids on the weekends, since they were little, and he rarely joins us. And when he plans things the assumption is the whole family will attend. And sometimes I don’t go, but because we’ve created this dynamic it feels like my absence on his outings is “noticed” in ways his absence on my outings is not (because he has never come).
I’m definitely going to start making sure my exercising at home happens before he gets home. That can be really hard, but I can make it work. I wish I were like those people who write that they wake up at 6am and are running by 6:10am (do they have a time turner?!), but I’m getting better at getting home and getting started within 30 minutes. Now that I don’t have to take my daughter to swimming or even pick up my son from aftercare, this absolutely is possible enough days of the week. Maybe if I can actually make this happen, he’ll be more accommodating of my dojo commitments.
And I recognize that a lot of weird shit happened in the past six weeks, stuff that wouldn’t regularly impact our routines. I hurt my shoulder (a mild sprain, but it upended my dojo time for sure), I had Covid, my husband went out of town, my son had a giant school-adjacent camping trip, my daughter got sick, a massive, historic nine-day heat wave hit, my car became infested with ants (requiring a several-hour deep clean on a weekend night), my classroom became infested with ants (making me lose my GD mind), our downstairs fridge stopped being cold (which prompted me to spend an hour on Monday fixing the door, which didn’t fix it, two hours on Tuesday cleaning the condenser coils (which also didn’t fix it), and three hours on Wednesday defrosting the evaporator cells behind the freezer (which did fix it, but it might only be temporary because the appliance repair guy (who I actually like very much), says that shouldn’t happen unless something else is faulty (I’m hoping it was the broken door, which wasn’t sealing properly for several weeks, that caused them to frost over so badly, and not a faulty part).
It really does feel like thing after thing keeps coming and they are all stressful because there isn’t much I can do to fix any of them, and I hate feeling out of control. That kind of barrage of circumstances out of my control have really thrown me for a loop (the nine-day heat wave broke me, it really did), so maybe things will settle down and I’ll feel better?
Except there is so much coming at me right now. My son’s birthday party is next Sunday and I only just invited the last person today. My daughter has her first Homecoming next Friday, and they both need help buying/making their Halloween costumes. We need to invite the grandparents over for Son’s birthday party, but we can’t do that the weekend before because of Daughter’s HoCo (as she calls it). I hate having the grandparents over on a weeknight, but his birthday is Tuesday, so we’ll probably have them then. Then my husband is out of town again, starting the 27th, for a work conference in Dubai (which means I’ll be navigating Halloween night alone). Do you think he’s brainstorming ways to repay me for that time? Ha!
{To be clear, I don’t expect that for a work trip, but I can promise you that I was not afforded any “go to teh dojo as much as you want” messaging after he came back from a six day trip with his friend in September.}
I just feel like I’m drowning. And whenever I think it will get better, life throws me something else.
I honestly thought this year was going to be so much easier. The amount of time I’m spending in the car has decreased dramatically. And yet I’m still feeling totally underwater. I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole.
And yes, I know my husband’s years-long, high functioning depression, is also a big part of this, but he has not been open to conversations about that, so I don’t want to bring it up unless I absolutely have to.
Which maybe I do… he’s gotten to a place where it’s not as pronounced as it was, but I feel like it surely must be affecting his mood and outlook, but we’ve been in it so long we don’t fully recognize it any more. It definitely complicates things, but if he says it’s no longer an issue, then I’m going to make decisions assuming he can manage life, and then if there is fallout, because he can’t (because it still is an issue), we’ll have that convo later.
And now it’s late and I either press publish or don’t so I’m just going to do it. TGIF tomorrow for real.
Well, the first week of October was not at all what I was hoping for. I wanted October to be chill and it was the opposite of that, both literally and metaphorically.
I feel like I’ve gotten a lot better at identifying silver linings lately, but some weeks I just feel done. It’s hard to appreciate the positive when you’re just so tired.
We were talking about students who need support this week (conferences are next week) and a colleague referred to one as a “struggle bug” because they have hard time with just about every aspect of academic life. I liked that term, and have been thinking of myself as a struggle bug lately, in an attempt to soften the edges of everything that feels hard.
So here are some things this struggle bug has been struggling with. (I did add the silver linings, I really do think I’ve gotten so much better at identifying and appreciating them!)
THE HEAT
For real I am SO OVER this heat wave. Tuesday and Wednesday were the hottest days, and then it was supposed to get cooler. And it did, incrementally. The high was only 85* down at work on Friday, of course my room was still getting to 84* because it’s never really cooling off at night so everything is just staying warm. We got a couple of cool nights in SF though, and one morning I actually wore thin pj pants when I came upstairs in the morning! But this weekend we’re back in the low 90s during the day and I’m so, so over it. My house was 82* last night at 10:30. I had fans running in three windows but none of them helped. Last night the temp did drop into the high 60s, so the house is currently only at 74* even though it’s already 80* outside. I was going to run early today, but by the time I was ready to leave at 9am it was already almost 80* and I decided that wasn’t how I wanted to start my Sunday. So I’m on the elliptical with a fan blasting in my face.
My weather app always reports temps about 5* cooler than WeatherUnderground. I tend to believe WU over this app.
{Silver lining: I took the kids to the beach last night and it was lovely. The air was cooler and the views were incredible. I’m glad we got out of the hot house and enjoyed the beach, which we rarely visit these days.}
ANTS
Even after thoroughly cleaning out my car, they are still in there. They are in my classroom. I feel like they are climbing all over me all the time. Most of the time there is nothing there, but it feels like there is. It’s driving me crazy. I really need to get rid of the ants, but it’s hard in my car and I can’t do anything about them in my room (only maintenance can attempt to manage them.
{Silver lining: The Ants-Swarming-Yeti-Disaster of 2024 did prompt me to clean my car more thoroughly than it’s been cleaned in a long time. I do appreciate having a clean car, and being motivated not to eat anything in it.}
MY NEW COMPUTER
Tech traded my old computer out for a new one earlier this week and it’s been a rocky transition. It really struggles to manage a google slide deck when I’m screen sharing it to the TV. This is primarily the way I teach so having it not work well makes pretty much every lesson choppy and annoying. The kids start talking during the lulls and then I need to work to get back their attention. Also, I forgot to backup Firefox before I turned in my old computer so now all my autofills are gone. I have to reset my passwords constantly because I can’t remember any of them. I use Firefox for my personal life stuff and it’s been a giant PITA realizing that I can’t log on to anything anymore. (Getting on to this site was a whole journey.)
{Silver lining: The new computer does not over heat, nor does it turn itself off. So there is that! I also really like the action of the keys. Once I get my logins populated in Firefox, I’m sure I’ll be thrilled with this new machine. Also, I logged back on to my original blog today for the first time in probably a decade. That was kind of fun.}
EXERCISE
I’m in a workout rut. It’s hard to get motivated to do much of anything. My stationary bike is knocking so hard I can’t really stand being on it. Getting a used Peloton bike below $1K is proving harder to manage than I expected. I’ve emailed so many people and none of them get back to me. One person finally did, but communication is slow (they never respond within 48 hours). Supposedly I’m going to pick it up next Sat but the timing will be hard for me. I’m not quite sure what is going on, but it’s been kind of hard, because usually working out is a bright spot in my day. I’m actually wondering if I’m falling into a bit of a low-mood situation and that is making it hard for me to get motivated. I also think working out consistently 5x/week for most of the summer was too much. I haven’t been to the dojo much at all since school started and that means I’m cycling through my workouts more frequently at home. I’m trying hard to just work out 4x/week for now, and to get to the dojo more often. Hopefully, I can get my hands on a Peloton bike and the novelty of actually seeing my resistance, cadence and output will keep me interested for a while. Also, hopefully I can start making time for running, which I haven’t been able to incorporate as much.
{Silver lining: My shoulder seems to be fully recovered, which means a lot more upper body workouts are available to me now.}
MY HOUSE
It’s a mess. I don’t really want to write too much about it, because I’m not at the place where I’m motivated to really tackle it, but needless to say it’s a tag in my clothes that’s rubbing my skin raw.
{Silver lining: Committing to the Peloton bike (which is longer than my current bike) has prompted me to dispense with a piece of furniture in the downstairs kitchen that was not serving us. I plan to empty it today and put it outside later this week.}
WORK
One of my classes continues to struggle meeting behavior expectations. I’ve never had a class be this unwieldy this early in the year. I’ve come to dread teaching them, and my reactions to their behavior is increasingly negative. It’s only early October and their behavior will only become more challenging as they year goes on. I’m heartsick for the students who are trying their best and missing out on opportunities to learn, because I can’t manage their peers. It sucks.
{Silver lining: Their behavior on Friday prompted me to create a new classroom agreement with them. I started typing it up Friday afternoon and am committed to having it ready on Monday. I feel relatively confident that I can follow through with it too.}
CALENDAR/PLANNING SYSTEM
I’m really struggling to keep my life organized right now. I don’t really have a monthly calendar layout I’m using (my 18 month Erin Condren calendar is up in December, and I haven’t really been using it since last month). My husband, daughter and I share a calendar on our phones that is really helpful, but the layout doesn’t feel very accessible to me visually. We have a whiteboard calendar for the month and that helps, when I’m home. I use a weekly calendar, but not consistently enough. I’m also struggling with planning at work. Finding a planning system that works for me, and sticking to it, has always been a big struggle for me. I just can’t seem to figure it out, despite so many attempts. It’s definitely my ADHD, and a lack of practice my whole life. I’ll keep trying.
{Silver lining: I pre-ordered Kendra Adachi’s The Plan, which comes next week. Maybe I’ll find some tips in there that will work for me. I’ll admit I don’t have a lot of hope (her suggestions always seem to be so… abstract), but it’s nice to have something to look forward to.)
In fact, it feels like the hottest possible summer…in the desert. Because even the summer is not hot here, especially not as hot as it has been.
Because it’s been IN THE 90s, even in the city, almost all of this week.
It’s literally NEVER in the 90s in San Francisco. I really cannot express vehemently enough how weird this weather is. Especially for October.
My classroom, like much of my school, has no AC. It’s been in the mid- to high-80s in my room for the better part of the school days. It’s miserable teaching in that kind of heat, though I know many teachers have it worse.
Tuesday was the hottest day. Today was about 3-5 degrees better. Tomorrow is supposed to be a little better still. Let’s hope so because tomorrow I have no prep and with 30+ adolescent bodies in my room all day, it will get really hot really hast.
I was supposed to go to the dojo yesterday and today but didn’t make it either time. Yesterday I was already considering skipping because the dojo is on the third floor of a building in the hottest neighborhood of the city and I knew it would be brutally hot in there. Then, on the way home from my chiropractor appointment, I took a drink from my YETI cup and only AFTER realized it was SWARMING with ants. I’ve never had ants in my cat but I guess the heat and dryness sent them searching for water. There was definitely other food debris in there that might have initially enticed them, so I promptly emptied the whole car and vacuumed and cleaned it out like I’ve never done before. It literally has never been this clean since we drove it off the lot.
And I couldn’t stand how dirty the outside was when the inside looked pristine, so I used the last rays of daylight to clean the exterior too.
Today my daughter had a dentist appointment and they decided to fill her cavity AND do the sealants we had scheduled for another visit so she was there two hours. Luckily the dojo closed from of heat, because I would have missed it anyway. Also luckily the books my new chiropractor (whom I loved) recommended came, so I had them to read during the two hours. For the first time in a long time, I actually believe I might be able to avoid a lifetime of lower back pain (more on this later).
After her dentist appointment I took my daughter to In-n-Out, where we had a good conversation about many things that have been on her mind lately. The start to high school has been rocky, but she’s handling it really well. It was good to chat with her about a couple issues that had been bugging her. I really appreciate that she still wants to talk to me.
I got my son’s birthday party invite done this morning, and that’s been on my radar for a while. Tomorrow I plan to send it out. I also backed up my work computer and they brought me a new one, which is lovely to use. My old one was overheating constantly, and turning itself off regularly, so it’s really nice to have a new machine.
My husband came back Monday and it’s been… up and down. I’m realizing that I’m pretty unhappy with a lot of my home life right now, which doesn’t leave a lot of space for me to coddle him when he’s feeling down. I’m not quite sure how it’s all going to play out.
Finally, my stationary bike is busted. It’s been knocking a lot and I tried to tighten some stuff and realized I overtightened one bolt and broke the piece it is attached to. I am looking at used Peloton bikes, but if I got one I’d have to change my subscription to the higher level which costs twice as much. It’s still only $25ish (I think?), but that is not nothing when you’re paying monthly. Still, I use it enough that I think it will be worthwhile. Mostly I’m just worried I’ll pay for a used bike and it will break on me like the one I already have. I can’t imagine paying someone to fix a broken Peloton bike will be cheap…
Here’s top hoping the rest of October is a lot less extraordinary than the first two days. So far this is not the October I was hoping for.
