This was going to be a Five on Friday post and then a Six on Saturday post and now I’m barely getting it up on Sunday night. Blerg. I need to find better ways to prioritize blogging.
In the meantime, there are seven things making me smile today (and yesterday and Friday).
Brat shirt
My daughter and husband got me a Brat shirt at the Charli XCX concert. I cut it and I love it and I got a ton of compliments on it on Friday. Yay!
Friday Happy Hour
Son was invited to a birthday party on Friday afternoon. He was picked up from school and wasn’t home until 8:30pm. It also happened to be one of the few Fridays that the staff from my school got together for happy hour. I usually can’t go to these events, but this Friday I could! And it was lovely and I’m so glad it worked out timing wise.
Three good workouts
Somehow I managed to work out on Friday after happy hour. I did a 15 minute hill climb and then the final 30 min (full body) class of week 1 of Dale Duro. Saturday I went to sparring and then stayed for forms and high belt class. Sparring was intense, and so was forms – I was sweating bullets and so tired. Today I went for a short run (first time in forever) and then did the first class of the second week of Dale Duro (legs and glutes). I’m pleased with the ending to this week’s worth of workouts.
Taught Teens class without a lesson plan
I usually spend 30-60 minutes writing a lesson plan when I teach the Teens class at the dojo, but this week I just went for it. It was targets, which are easier to manage without a plan, but I was still proud of myself. I’m trying to sign up to teach more Teens classes, so I need to start feeling more confident about teaching without a written lesson plan. This was a good start!
New idea for school + Mega cardstock pack
I thought of a new way to do something at school and it solves several long standing problems. I am stoked! I should have time this week while my students are watching Coco to make it happen too. Speaking of school, I went to Office Depot on Wednesday to get cardstock for my book bingo boards and they didn’t really have a good set of colors, so I ordered a pack on Amazon. The colors are perfect, and there are 64 sheets of each color, which means I will have exactly enough for next year too! This pack has 50% more cardstock for $4 less than at Office Depot. Woot!
Book Club (+ I liked Here One Moment)
I got my book club book done literally minutes before we met. I really liked it! And I enjoyed talking about it at book club. (Mostly I loved hanging out with adult friends at book club – I was there for three hours!) I also finished Liane Moriarty’s newest book Here One Moment and ended up really liking it. I will admit the middle third was rough for me (just so much thinking about death, which can get to me), but I loved how it all came together at the end. I listened to the first third at x1 and the middle third at x1.5 then x1.75!), but ended it at x1.25. I listen to Liane Moriarty’s books because I LOVE the narrator, Caroline Lee. This book has another narrator as well and I really liked her too! It’s hard to hold one’s own next to Caroline Lee so props to Geraldine Hakewill.
Husband left for Dubai
My husband left for a work conference in Dubai today. He’s been working through BIG feelings about it and I’m relieved he is finally on his way so I do not have to help him manage those big feelings anymore. I hope the conference goes well, and that the kids and I survive Halloween on our own.
Speaking of Halloween, Son’s Deadpool costume came earlier than expected today and it actually fits him okay. He’s not sure he’s going to wear it, but it’s nice to have options. We may keep it for next year if he doesn’t want to wear it this year. (He has never seen any Deadpool movies, but he does read some of the comics on Marvel Unlimited (they are less R-rated.)
Oh wow, what a week. What a weekend! I’m so, so glad it’s over.
Friday I was pretty zonked because I couldn’t fall asleep until 2am on Thursday. I took my son to the dojo, but came home to work out while he was there. I did half my workout, then went to get him, and finished up when we got home. I also got pupusa’s for dinner by the dojo (a church sells them on the street on Fridays and they are soooo good and so reasonably priced).
Our daughter was at a sleep over Friday, so we had more opportunity to watch something, but we were both zonked so we didn’t really. I was bummed about that, but it was probably the right choice.
Saturday morning I got up way later than I intended – at 9:30! I never sleep in that late. I guess I needed the sleep after the fiasco that was Thursday night. I cleaned the house and wrapped birthday presents while my husband took our son to swimming. When they got back my husband and I walked to the SFUSD enrollment fair to learn more about a few middle schools were considering for our son next year. By the time we got back it was 30 minutes until grandparents arrived for our son’s family birthday. I will say, the house looked really good when they all got there. I was pleased.
The timing was weird on the family because of the enrollment fair in the morning and our daughter’s Homecoming dance in the evening. Even though we got together between meals, we ordered these amazing flatbread pizzas from my friend’s restaurant, and my in-laws were kind enough to pick them up for us. We all snacked on them while the almost 11-year-old (his actual birthday is Tuesday) opened his presents. Then we had cake, and everyone was gone about 1.5 hours after they got there. I very much appreciated that.
After spending about 45 minutes in the backyard working on my next martial arts form, I helped my daughter get ready for Homecoming. A little before 7pm I took her over to the dance. She looked lovely, and even though she’s been managing some friend drama that reared its ugly head at the dance, she had a good time.
My husband picked her up around 10pm and she was up super late after she got home, so again we didn’t watch anything. Oh well.
Sunday I was up at a reasonable hour (8:30am). I worked out, as did my husband, and by 1pm we were out the door. Our son wanted Krispy Kreme donuts instead of cupcakes, so we stopped there before heading to Dave & Busters. I did not realize there would be a 49ers game right when I booked the party, or that Dave & Busters is such a popular place to watch football. It was totally nuts there, and I was very thankful the birthday room was separate from the main area.
Most of the invitees had a soccer game until 2:15pm that day, so we knew they would be late. Luckily two friends came on time and my son headed out to play games with them. The rest of the crew was there by 2:45. They ate, and played the games, and enjoyed donuts right before we lost the table at 4pm. We had extended the party to 4:30 for the soccer players, since the game cards worked all day, and that timing ended up being perfect. They were pretty much done by then, and ready to go home. They enjoyed their goodie bags and had a great time. It was definitely a success, and even though I blanched at the final bill, I was soooo grateful that we had it there and whole party required so little planning on our parts.
We hit up Spirit Halloween on the way home, because I’ve been worried my son’s Deadpool costume would not arrive in time for Halloween. He found a Fall Guys hotdog costume the he LOVES, so now I can let go of that anxiety, and I’m so grateful for that. He seriously wanted to wear it all afternoon.
We got In-n-Out on the way home, which my husband and daughter ate very quickly, because by 6:30pm we were back in the car and I was dropping them off a couple blocks from the Chase Center to see Charli XCX. I really wanted to go to this show, and was going to for a bit (my husband offered me his ticket), but it was clear my daughter wanted my husband to go, as was originally the plan, so I conceded (and her relieved response suggested that was the right move). I’ve definitely felt pangs of jealousy this evening, as I did all the start-of-week and end-of-day chores while they enjoy the show, but I’m also wiped so it’s probably for the best.
I’ve finished the two main parts of The Plan and spent some time at Dave & Busters today doing a brain dump and trying to plan November, which will be a tricky month because my sister is coming to town. I only get to see her once a year (she lives in London), so I have to take advantage of her being here, which can be stressful since the rest of my life has to happen too. We have a complicated relationship and hanging out with her is not always joyous so… I don’t know. It’s just a little fraught. And I’m trying to be more intentional by naming what is important and identifying how I feel about it, what has worked well when she’s in town and what has caused stress. Maybe I can actually figure out how to enjoy her being here, instead of mostly dreading it before she comes, feeling stressed out when she’s hear, and then regretting choices I made after she leaves. Blerg. We shall see.
And now a little rundown of my workouts this week, because I want to keep track of that moving forward, as it’s been such a point of contention between my husband and I.
M: This was the day I attempted my first bike bootcamp, and realized I couldn’t cast to our old screen and still hear on my AirPods. After burning crazy time trying to make it all work, I gave up and did a 30 minute Intervals and Arms class with Tunde.
Tu: Forms, Sparring Concepts (Ground Grappling class), then Sparring at the dojo.
W: Rest day (I mostly picked up the house).
Th: The new monitor (with speakers!) came right when I got home from school, and I was able to set it up and do a 45 minute bike boot camp (w/ Jess Sims)! It was awesome. The only hard part is I can’t pause the class when it’s casting, and I realized that I pause the class a lot! This is ultimately a good thing, as I’ll be more efficient with my workout time if I can’t pause the classes, but it’s going to take some getting used to.
F: 20 min hill climb (w/ Robin Arzón) + Dale Duro class 1 (glutes and legs). The hill climb was super hard – I was sweating bullets by the end and totally out of breath. It was my first cycling class (no bootcamp) and I really liked it. I’m very excited to explore more 15-30 minute classes like that before I do strength training. I also started my first Peloton program, called Dale Duro (w/ Camila Ramón), which is three weeks long and entirely in Spanish. I really like it, and I’m pumped to try a program and see if it feels more comprehensive than just throwing stuff together myself.
Sa: Rest, but I did spend 45 minutes in the backyard working on my form.
Su: 15 min Groove ride with Camila Ramón, then Dale Duro class 2 (upper body).
Reading: I finally finished Marina, which was the final Carlos Ruiz Zafón book I had never read. I don’t think I realized he died in 2020, and I’m sad he won’t be writing any more. I absolutely LOVED La Sombra del Viento (The Shadow of the Wind) and the other books in that series. I also liked his YA trilogy a lot. It was bittersweet to finish the last book of his I’ll ever read. I also basically finished The Plan, and started my book club book, The Dream House. I’ve been listening to Liane Moriarty’s new book Here One Moment, but it’s hard to binge listen to because it’s about death and it bums me out really quickly. I usually listen to her books like crazy and finish them in a couple days, but this one is taking me a while. It’s just not something I always want to put on.
I am so very glad that this weekend is behind me. It was nuts, and we got through it because we planned it all really well, but it was so exhausting. I am so glad it’s over.
We never did actually write out our ideal weeks, but we thought about them enough to have a productive conversation about what we each want and need. My husband unearthed a spreadsheet we used during the pandemic to keep track of when people had to be on Zoom (each person has their own sheet with a column for each day, and that info is aggregated onto one sheet so we can see each person’s day next to the others’s for each day), and we’re using it to see what a week looks like and plan things like who is working out when, who is making dinner for whom, who is eating dinner with whom, and who is away from the house. My husband appreciates knowing where everyone is and when he has time to get stuff done. I appreciate that this forces us to be more intentional about the things that are most important to us. I have not conceded any time at the dojo, but have promised to get my home workouts done before he gets home whenever possible, especially on the nights he’s slotted to workout. We’ll have to see if its enough to make life feel less relentless and more manageable. I’ll keep you all updated.
Peloton bike
I got toe cages to add to the clip pedals ($40) so I can decide which ones I want to use (regular tennis shoes on Bootcamp days and clip shoes when I won’t be getting off the bike). I got a new screen with speakers ($80) and a Roku Streaming Stick ($30) so I can cast to the other room when I’m doing bike boot camps, instead of trying to lift weights in the shitty kitchen. All in all I spent $450 on the bike and accoutrements (the screen and Roku were deeply on sale), which is a really good deal. Most used Peloton bikes sell for $600 at the very lowest, and to find one in the city (many of them are much farther away) for $300 was a real steal. I feel very lucky and I’m so excited to use it. The screen is crystal clear (I’ve been recording bike boot camps with Zoom, and the video was always VERY choppy), and it’s so fun to see if my cadence and resistance are staying within range, not to mention my output. It’s much more enjoyable than hacking the cheap bike. Of course, I would never have known I’d be interested in a Peloton bike without hacking the cheap bike, so I guess it was the right place to start. I’m just thankful I was able to transition to the much nicer experience for a reasonable price. Oh and I changed my subscription and paid $240 for a year. I’m pretty happy with that too.
Son’s birthday parties
I cleaned the kitchen and hall floors last weekend, and have been clearing away the clutter in the upstairs all week. We have presents at the house (but not wrapped), and a plan to order some finger food for when the grandparents are here (but not actually ordered yet). I’ve confirmed our head count at Dave & Busters and received RSVPs from eight of the nine kids who are invited. I put together the goodie bags this afternoon. Dave & Busters provides food and drinks, so all I need to do is buy cupcakes somewhere this weekend, probably on Sunday morning, before the party.
Planning
I got a cheap academic year planner with weekly and monthly layouts that I’m using to keep track of things, and so far it’s been very helpful to have both in one book. I like that it has three main priorities to check off at the top of the week. I wish it also had some check-boxes for each day, but I’m just adding those in myself. My old book had all to-do lists and habit trackers on the left and the whole week on the right, so each day had very little space, and the whole weekend was just one block. The new book has M-W on the left and Th-Su on the right, and Saturday and Sunday get their own spaces! Woot! I’ve also finished the first section of Kendra Adachi’s The Plan and I’m liking the message so far. I’ve just started the strategies section, so we’ll see if there are some concrete suggestions in there to help me. The main idea seems to be boiled down to “do less” and this is a hard message for me to get behind, but one I probably need to embrace. We’ll see if I can actually put that into practice.
Work
Last week was conferences and it was rough. This week has been better. I stayed up late Monday night to get caught up on the most important grading, and even though I was kind of a zombie on Tuesday (after five hours of sleep), it was worth it. I’ve been staying on top of my grading all week, because I know I won’t have much time this weekend. I just have one big project to score for my 1A classes, and I will prioritize that on Sunday. I wrote up a new agreement with my 3rd period and have been consistent with it and it’s definitely helped. Things are actually pretty decent at work right now. Fingers crossed that keeps up…
Thank you all for your comments on my last post. We still haven’t had our follow up conversation, but I shared an ideal week template with my husband and suggested we each come to the table with what we’d ideally like our weeks to look like, so we can hopefully find a compromise that satisfies both of us. I’m hoping that will keep the conversation productive, and prevent it from spiraling into animosity. The last thing I want to do is rehash old resentments (something I’m prone to doing), which will not help us move forward. I promise I will update once we’ve talked about it more.
In the meantime, and in an attempt to stay positive, here are some things I’m either enjoying, or looking forward to.
Enjoying
Pumpkin flavored things. My husband went to TJ’s last weekend and got ALL the pumpkin stuff I love. I’ve been eating pumpkin brioche with pumpkin cream cheese, and I just made pumpkin pancakes. There is other pumpkin stuff in our cupboard and I love it all. My love of pumpkin stuff is definitely not of the caliber of some people, but it used to be and I still enjoy it quite a bit. I’m happy there is more pumpkin flavor in my immediate future.
Cooler weather. It still is not properly cool, but I will take mid-70’s over mid-90’s any day. Every time I feel a cool breeze on my face I feel giddy. I just hope it starts to feel like fall soon.
Great America. I took the kids to Great America today and the lines were short and we got on a ton of big rides with almost no wait time. My son rode my favorite roller coaster (Flight Deck – formally Top Gun) for the first time, and in the front row (the only way to ride it) and he loved it. My parents joined us for the final hour and a half and then took the kids back to their place.
Looking forward to
Date night with my husband. My parents took the kids so we could enjoy a date night. We need to reconnect and enjoy ourselves. And I think if we do that before our big convo, we’ll be better able to really hear each other and be open minded about each other’s requests. We’re also seeing a band I loved in college, which is a last minute addition to the night and one I’m thrilled about.
My son’s birthday being over. Kind of a cop out since it’s a gripe wrapped in a “looking forward to,” but it’s a week from Tuesday and by then the family birthday, the friend party and the managing his emotions about it all, will be over. I’m very much looking forward to getting his birthday out of my brain.
Day of the Dead + Halloween. I’m already teaching Day of the Dead at school and it’s been a lot of fun. I love the holiday and I love teaching my students about it. I wish the dominant US culture made space for remembering people who have died in a celebratory way. I’m grateful this holiday has made space for that in my life.
As for Halloween, I’m a little anxious about managing the actual day (and the prep leading up to it), myself, but I still am looking forward to it. I love the decorations and the costumes. We did my daughter’s costume cheap (we dyed last year’s Clueless skirt dark green, she’s borrowing a top from my mom and found a jacket at a thrift store), my Minion costume was very reasonable (that is what we’re being at school) and hopefully my son’s Deadpool costume will come in time (I def shit the bed on this one – I’m annoyed at myself – but I do believe it’s more likely to arrive on time than not.)
My new (to me) Peloton bike. Holy shit getting it in my car was a shit show. But we managed it (it stuck out the back of the trunk and was held in by my bike rack), and driving home from that side of the city on a Friday at 6pm was excruciating, but it’s at the house and it works and I’m so excited to try it. I got pedals that have both clips and toe cages and they came today, so I’ll be able to try it tomorrow (I have clip shoes, but they are at my parents’ house). It’s a really sleek machine and is sooooo much smoother to ride than my $200 stationary bike. I can’t wait to know what my resistance is! And my output! I’m very much looking forward to taking my first official Bike Boot Camp class tomorrow.
Do you have a three day weekend? What are you enjoying and looking forward to right now.
October has not offered the relief I was hoping for, and earlier this week I kind of lost it. I cried. My husband and I had a fight. Two in fact. It sucked. I felt really despondent.
I tried to identify why things kept feeling impossible. I wondered when things were going to get better. My husband suggested that amount of exercise I’m attempting, and my commitment to the dojo specifically, were untenable. I’m actually really glad he brought that up because I’ve been feeling like he thought that way, but instead of raising the subject, he would just passive aggressively sulk around. And I’ve determined that being at the dojo four hours every Saturday (three hours + 30 mins on the bus/getting ready on either side), and then taking my son somewhere (with our without his friends) for most of Sunday so I could “give my husband back that time,” was part of the problem, because it wasn’t leaving me any time or space to get shit done around the house on the weekends. Now, at least, he has to admit that it’s a problem, so we can talk about possible solutions. That is definitely a step in the right direction.
I definitely feel some resentment, because I don’t feel like the time I spend exercising, including the dojo, is any more than the majority of the women I read (who prioritize exercise), and yet none of them seem to have issues at home with it. And it has always, ALWAYS, added stress to my marriage, because I’ve always assumed it was too much, and gone out of my way to “give back” that time, even though my husband has had various GIANT personal time commitments over the years and he NEVER tried to make space for me and my needs. I have to leave the house to get space. I take the kids away to give him space. They are two totally different things.
We still need to have an actual conversation about it. I am trying to figure out my talking points. I have historically hated this conversation because I swear he would gaslight me about his expectations, saying I was assuming he needed time when he didn’t, but then as soon as I took time and didn’t immediately reimburse him for it, he would get sulky and withdrawn.
And that is part of what pissed me off this week. He keeps asking how he can help more, since I’ve been so unhappy and overwhelmed, going so far as to suggest renting ZipCars to take the kids to appointments in the afternoon (something he would never do), and I was like, I just want to be able to be at the dojo one weekday evening and for a long stint on Saturday and not feel like I need to repay that time, and he was like that’s fine! And then 48 hours later he was sulking all over the house after I got back from my Tuesday classes. So I’m glad he finally just said it, or asked the question, have you ever considered that your commitment to exercise, and the dojo is untenable? And I asked if he meant for me or for him/our family and he hasn’t answered that for me yet.
Because I guess, if I have to “repay” that time, it is too much. But should I have to? I really don’t know. I have always done so much with the kids on the weekends, since they were little, and he rarely joins us. And when he plans things the assumption is the whole family will attend. And sometimes I don’t go, but because we’ve created this dynamic it feels like my absence on his outings is “noticed” in ways his absence on my outings is not (because he has never come).
I’m definitely going to start making sure my exercising at home happens before he gets home. That can be really hard, but I can make it work. I wish I were like those people who write that they wake up at 6am and are running by 6:10am (do they have a time turner?!), but I’m getting better at getting home and getting started within 30 minutes. Now that I don’t have to take my daughter to swimming or even pick up my son from aftercare, this absolutely is possible enough days of the week. Maybe if I can actually make this happen, he’ll be more accommodating of my dojo commitments.
And I recognize that a lot of weird shit happened in the past six weeks, stuff that wouldn’t regularly impact our routines. I hurt my shoulder (a mild sprain, but it upended my dojo time for sure), I had Covid, my husband went out of town, my son had a giant school-adjacent camping trip, my daughter got sick, a massive, historic nine-day heat wave hit, my car became infested with ants (requiring a several-hour deep clean on a weekend night), my classroom became infested with ants (making me lose my GD mind), our downstairs fridge stopped being cold (which prompted me to spend an hour on Monday fixing the door, which didn’t fix it, two hours on Tuesday cleaning the condenser coils (which also didn’t fix it), and three hours on Wednesday defrosting the evaporator cells behind the freezer (which did fix it, but it might only be temporary because the appliance repair guy (who I actually like very much), says that shouldn’t happen unless something else is faulty (I’m hoping it was the broken door, which wasn’t sealing properly for several weeks, that caused them to frost over so badly, and not a faulty part).
It really does feel like thing after thing keeps coming and they are all stressful because there isn’t much I can do to fix any of them, and I hate feeling out of control. That kind of barrage of circumstances out of my control have really thrown me for a loop (the nine-day heat wave broke me, it really did), so maybe things will settle down and I’ll feel better?
Except there is so much coming at me right now. My son’s birthday party is next Sunday and I only just invited the last person today. My daughter has her first Homecoming next Friday, and they both need help buying/making their Halloween costumes. We need to invite the grandparents over for Son’s birthday party, but we can’t do that the weekend before because of Daughter’s HoCo (as she calls it). I hate having the grandparents over on a weeknight, but his birthday is Tuesday, so we’ll probably have them then. Then my husband is out of town again, starting the 27th, for a work conference in Dubai (which means I’ll be navigating Halloween night alone). Do you think he’s brainstorming ways to repay me for that time? Ha!
{To be clear, I don’t expect that for a work trip, but I can promise you that I was not afforded any “go to teh dojo as much as you want” messaging after he came back from a six day trip with his friend in September.}
I just feel like I’m drowning. And whenever I think it will get better, life throws me something else.
I honestly thought this year was going to be so much easier. The amount of time I’m spending in the car has decreased dramatically. And yet I’m still feeling totally underwater. I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole.
And yes, I know my husband’s years-long, high functioning depression, is also a big part of this, but he has not been open to conversations about that, so I don’t want to bring it up unless I absolutely have to.
Which maybe I do… he’s gotten to a place where it’s not as pronounced as it was, but I feel like it surely must be affecting his mood and outlook, but we’ve been in it so long we don’t fully recognize it any more. It definitely complicates things, but if he says it’s no longer an issue, then I’m going to make decisions assuming he can manage life, and then if there is fallout, because he can’t (because it still is an issue), we’ll have that convo later.
And now it’s late and I either press publish or don’t so I’m just going to do it. TGIF tomorrow for real.
Well, the first week of October was not at all what I was hoping for. I wanted October to be chill and it was the opposite of that, both literally and metaphorically.
I feel like I’ve gotten a lot better at identifying silver linings lately, but some weeks I just feel done. It’s hard to appreciate the positive when you’re just so tired.
We were talking about students who need support this week (conferences are next week) and a colleague referred to one as a “struggle bug” because they have hard time with just about every aspect of academic life. I liked that term, and have been thinking of myself as a struggle bug lately, in an attempt to soften the edges of everything that feels hard.
So here are some things this struggle bug has been struggling with. (I did add the silver linings, I really do think I’ve gotten so much better at identifying and appreciating them!)
THE HEAT
For real I am SO OVER this heat wave. Tuesday and Wednesday were the hottest days, and then it was supposed to get cooler. And it did, incrementally. The high was only 85* down at work on Friday, of course my room was still getting to 84* because it’s never really cooling off at night so everything is just staying warm. We got a couple of cool nights in SF though, and one morning I actually wore thin pj pants when I came upstairs in the morning! But this weekend we’re back in the low 90s during the day and I’m so, so over it. My house was 82* last night at 10:30. I had fans running in three windows but none of them helped. Last night the temp did drop into the high 60s, so the house is currently only at 74* even though it’s already 80* outside. I was going to run early today, but by the time I was ready to leave at 9am it was already almost 80* and I decided that wasn’t how I wanted to start my Sunday. So I’m on the elliptical with a fan blasting in my face.
My weather app always reports temps about 5* cooler than WeatherUnderground. I tend to believe WU over this app.
{Silver lining: I took the kids to the beach last night and it was lovely. The air was cooler and the views were incredible. I’m glad we got out of the hot house and enjoyed the beach, which we rarely visit these days.}
ANTS
Even after thoroughly cleaning out my car, they are still in there. They are in my classroom. I feel like they are climbing all over me all the time. Most of the time there is nothing there, but it feels like there is. It’s driving me crazy. I really need to get rid of the ants, but it’s hard in my car and I can’t do anything about them in my room (only maintenance can attempt to manage them.
{Silver lining: The Ants-Swarming-Yeti-Disaster of 2024 did prompt me to clean my car more thoroughly than it’s been cleaned in a long time. I do appreciate having a clean car, and being motivated not to eat anything in it.}
MY NEW COMPUTER
Tech traded my old computer out for a new one earlier this week and it’s been a rocky transition. It really struggles to manage a google slide deck when I’m screen sharing it to the TV. This is primarily the way I teach so having it not work well makes pretty much every lesson choppy and annoying. The kids start talking during the lulls and then I need to work to get back their attention. Also, I forgot to backup Firefox before I turned in my old computer so now all my autofills are gone. I have to reset my passwords constantly because I can’t remember any of them. I use Firefox for my personal life stuff and it’s been a giant PITA realizing that I can’t log on to anything anymore. (Getting on to this site was a whole journey.)
{Silver lining: The new computer does not over heat, nor does it turn itself off. So there is that! I also really like the action of the keys. Once I get my logins populated in Firefox, I’m sure I’ll be thrilled with this new machine. Also, I logged back on to my original blog today for the first time in probably a decade. That was kind of fun.}
EXERCISE
I’m in a workout rut. It’s hard to get motivated to do much of anything. My stationary bike is knocking so hard I can’t really stand being on it. Getting a used Peloton bike below $1K is proving harder to manage than I expected. I’ve emailed so many people and none of them get back to me. One person finally did, but communication is slow (they never respond within 48 hours). Supposedly I’m going to pick it up next Sat but the timing will be hard for me. I’m not quite sure what is going on, but it’s been kind of hard, because usually working out is a bright spot in my day. I’m actually wondering if I’m falling into a bit of a low-mood situation and that is making it hard for me to get motivated. I also think working out consistently 5x/week for most of the summer was too much. I haven’t been to the dojo much at all since school started and that means I’m cycling through my workouts more frequently at home. I’m trying hard to just work out 4x/week for now, and to get to the dojo more often. Hopefully, I can get my hands on a Peloton bike and the novelty of actually seeing my resistance, cadence and output will keep me interested for a while. Also, hopefully I can start making time for running, which I haven’t been able to incorporate as much.
{Silver lining: My shoulder seems to be fully recovered, which means a lot more upper body workouts are available to me now.}
MY HOUSE
It’s a mess. I don’t really want to write too much about it, because I’m not at the place where I’m motivated to really tackle it, but needless to say it’s a tag in my clothes that’s rubbing my skin raw.
{Silver lining: Committing to the Peloton bike (which is longer than my current bike) has prompted me to dispense with a piece of furniture in the downstairs kitchen that was not serving us. I plan to empty it today and put it outside later this week.}
WORK
One of my classes continues to struggle meeting behavior expectations. I’ve never had a class be this unwieldy this early in the year. I’ve come to dread teaching them, and my reactions to their behavior is increasingly negative. It’s only early October and their behavior will only become more challenging as they year goes on. I’m heartsick for the students who are trying their best and missing out on opportunities to learn, because I can’t manage their peers. It sucks.
{Silver lining: Their behavior on Friday prompted me to create a new classroom agreement with them. I started typing it up Friday afternoon and am committed to having it ready on Monday. I feel relatively confident that I can follow through with it too.}
CALENDAR/PLANNING SYSTEM
I’m really struggling to keep my life organized right now. I don’t really have a monthly calendar layout I’m using (my 18 month Erin Condren calendar is up in December, and I haven’t really been using it since last month). My husband, daughter and I share a calendar on our phones that is really helpful, but the layout doesn’t feel very accessible to me visually. We have a whiteboard calendar for the month and that helps, when I’m home. I use a weekly calendar, but not consistently enough. I’m also struggling with planning at work. Finding a planning system that works for me, and sticking to it, has always been a big struggle for me. I just can’t seem to figure it out, despite so many attempts. It’s definitely my ADHD, and a lack of practice my whole life. I’ll keep trying.
{Silver lining: I pre-ordered Kendra Adachi’s The Plan, which comes next week. Maybe I’ll find some tips in there that will work for me. I’ll admit I don’t have a lot of hope (her suggestions always seem to be so… abstract), but it’s nice to have something to look forward to.)
In fact, it feels like the hottest possible summer…in the desert. Because even the summer is not hot here, especially not as hot as it has been.
Because it’s been IN THE 90s, even in the city, almost all of this week.
It’s literally NEVER in the 90s in San Francisco. I really cannot express vehemently enough how weird this weather is. Especially for October.
My classroom, like much of my school, has no AC. It’s been in the mid- to high-80s in my room for the better part of the school days. It’s miserable teaching in that kind of heat, though I know many teachers have it worse.
Tuesday was the hottest day. Today was about 3-5 degrees better. Tomorrow is supposed to be a little better still. Let’s hope so because tomorrow I have no prep and with 30+ adolescent bodies in my room all day, it will get really hot really hast.
I was supposed to go to the dojo yesterday and today but didn’t make it either time. Yesterday I was already considering skipping because the dojo is on the third floor of a building in the hottest neighborhood of the city and I knew it would be brutally hot in there. Then, on the way home from my chiropractor appointment, I took a drink from my YETI cup and only AFTER realized it was SWARMING with ants. I’ve never had ants in my cat but I guess the heat and dryness sent them searching for water. There was definitely other food debris in there that might have initially enticed them, so I promptly emptied the whole car and vacuumed and cleaned it out like I’ve never done before. It literally has never been this clean since we drove it off the lot.
And I couldn’t stand how dirty the outside was when the inside looked pristine, so I used the last rays of daylight to clean the exterior too.
Today my daughter had a dentist appointment and they decided to fill her cavity AND do the sealants we had scheduled for another visit so she was there two hours. Luckily the dojo closed from of heat, because I would have missed it anyway. Also luckily the books my new chiropractor (whom I loved) recommended came, so I had them to read during the two hours. For the first time in a long time, I actually believe I might be able to avoid a lifetime of lower back pain (more on this later).
After her dentist appointment I took my daughter to In-n-Out, where we had a good conversation about many things that have been on her mind lately. The start to high school has been rocky, but she’s handling it really well. It was good to chat with her about a couple issues that had been bugging her. I really appreciate that she still wants to talk to me.
I got my son’s birthday party invite done this morning, and that’s been on my radar for a while. Tomorrow I plan to send it out. I also backed up my work computer and they brought me a new one, which is lovely to use. My old one was overheating constantly, and turning itself off regularly, so it’s really nice to have a new machine.
My husband came back Monday and it’s been… up and down. I’m realizing that I’m pretty unhappy with a lot of my home life right now, which doesn’t leave a lot of space for me to coddle him when he’s feeling down. I’m not quite sure how it’s all going to play out.
Finally, my stationary bike is busted. It’s been knocking a lot and I tried to tighten some stuff and realized I overtightened one bolt and broke the piece it is attached to. I am looking at used Peloton bikes, but if I got one I’d have to change my subscription to the higher level which costs twice as much. It’s still only $25ish (I think?), but that is not nothing when you’re paying monthly. Still, I use it enough that I think it will be worthwhile. Mostly I’m just worried I’ll pay for a used bike and it will break on me like the one I already have. I can’t imagine paying someone to fix a broken Peloton bike will be cheap…
Here’s top hoping the rest of October is a lot less extraordinary than the first two days. So far this is not the October I was hoping for.
Thank all that is good in this world that September is over tomorrow. For real, I am not at all sad to see it go.
October will certainly not be a panacea for me, but it has to be better than September. I just put October on the kitchen whiteboard calendar and promptly realized I scheduled my son’s birthday at Dave & Buster’s for the same Sunday I’m supposed to be taking my daughter to see Charli XCX (all the face palms), so there will be some intense days. But I am looking forward to quite a few things, including Halloween. (I remembered to take my Halloween themed leggings out of the shed today! Hooray!)
Also, I’m see the new chiropractor on Tuesday, October 1st, which feels like a good omen. Maybe I can make October more about self care.
Honestly, I’m so relieved that we’re home from the camping trip, and most of the stuff is already put away. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted. The trip itself was fine. It was totally overwhelming and I kept to myself more than most adults there, but I managed to get through it in one piece. And my son had a great time, which was the whole point of it.
My husband kept expressing confusion about why I was dreading this weekend so much. I’m pretty sure he didn’t get it because I am ALWAYS the one who packs and unpacks camping trips. He has no real understanding of how hard it is to manage that during a regular week or work, when laundry still needs to get done and meals need to be made and dishes need to be washed. His main responsibility at home is adult meals, which means that when time is tight, he can fall back on leftovers and ordering out. But there is no way to skimp on the laundry – it all eventually needs to get done. And while I can delay cleaning up, eventually I have to do it, and if it’s been a long time since the last time I cleaned, it takes longer when I finally get around to cleaning. I think he just doesn’t understand, fundamentally, what its like to just still have to do shit even when you’re away all weekend. Or what it’s like to have to do SO MUCH MORE than normal for a weekend.
But I did it! I packed us and I set us up there and I packed us to come back home and then I put everything away. All the sleeping bags, sleeping mats, and the tent are back in their plastic bags in the shed (I worry they will grow mold if they aren’t protected from the damp). The sheets from my husband’s couch bed last week, and the blow up camping mattress, are washed. I have two more loads ready to go in later today. I did a great job packing food so there was nothing left in the cooler when we came home, and only left over s’mores fixings in the food bag. I’m so glad I didn’t buy extra of anything. We had exactly what we needed.
And right now we have NO camping trips planned! Hooray! I’m so ready to take a break from camping.
I was remembering that this time last year we were coming back from this camping trip and getting ready for our trip to Universal Studios two weeks later. I’m so thankful we are not going anywhere for the October long weekend. I might take the kids to Great America for Fright Fest that Sunday, but otherwise we’ll be home.
My son’s birthday is the next weekend. He requested Dave & Busters and I was happy to fork over several hundred dollars and basically all of the responsibility. We had his birthday there two years ago and it was really easy. I am kind of thrilled he wants to have it there again. A birthday there is so easy, that I really do think I can manage the Charli XCX show afterward. And if I can’t, my husband will go.
What else to mention… Oh I got some wide leg jeans (on sale) from Gap with my Gap Cash last week. Both pairs are low cut and fit me well around the waist. The darker pair is too long – they only had my size in “Tall” but I have several pairs of shoes I can wear with them. The lighter pair are the right length but I worry they will stretch in the waist when I wear them. We shall see. It’s a trip to wear wide leg jeans after nothing but skinny jeans for so many years (like six years?!), but I like them. I also got some new bras, which I really needed it. I hope they hold up. (Everything was on sale before the Gap Cash, so I didn’t spend much on any of it).
I got my tests graded yesterday, at the camping trip. It took A LONG time to finish them all, and I’m glad I wasn’t using normal weekend hours to score them. I walked up to the visitor’s center and jumped on the WiFi to download some dumb stuff on Netflix to “watch” while I was grading. It definitely helped pass the time.
I meant to write more but now it’s late and I should probably just post this. I am showered, all the beds have clean sheets, and I’m so looking forward to crawling into my own bed and passing out. Yes. Please.
If September kicked my metaphorical ass (it did), this past week was the part where it punched me in the face over and over again. For real this September was not my favorite. It’s always a fraught month, but this year it just sucked. I sprained my ACJ joint and I got Covid and my husband and I fell back into old, resentful patterns and my daughter had to navigate friend drama and it all felt like a real ass kicking. Especially this past week. This past week was truly a punch in the face.
You know when you’re dreading something and then it happens and it’s EXACTLY AS BAD AS YOU WERE FEARING? Well that was this week.
My husband left on Wednesday and this afternoon I drive home from work, just to finish packing the car with all our camping gear so I can turn around and drive back past my work with my son to a two-night camping trip planned by his school. I have spent all week planning, packing, doing laundry, shopping, prepping food, cleaning the house, and otherwise trying to be ready for this camping trip, which I absolutely DO NOT want to go on. Honestly, the only thing I’m looking forward to is having the time to grade the tests my students took this.
Yesterday was a really shitty day at work, and I was wiping away tears as I pulled into the Safeway parking lot to grab some last-minute items for this weekend. As I was putting the groceries away I hit my head on my car’s trunk door and then scraped a bunch of skin off my toes while trying to move SOMEONE ELSE’S SHOPPING CART that was left partially blocking two spaces. After that I sat in my car sobbing.
Crying in a Safeway parking lot was a real low point. The turd on the top of the shit sundae that was September.
But there are some bright sports I appreciate. I’ve been trying so hard to focus on them.
My husband did get sick before his trip. I’ve been holding my breath for 10 days, waiting to see if he caught Covid from me. But it looks like we managed to keep him well. Ditto Son, who would have been devastated to miss this weekend’s camping trip.
The horrible cold my daughter got this week is NOT Covid! This means she can still stay with her grandparents while everyone else is away this weekend. She also got to see Mitski on Monday, which she had been looking forward to.
The FOUR assessments my students took are all on paper, so I can grade them on the camping trip (where there is absolutely no cell-service). This means I will get the grading done this weekend AND that I’ll have a reason to avoid 48 straight hours of small talk with people I don’t really know.
The weather is supposed to be lovely this weekend. Highs in the mid-70s and lows in the high-50s. Yes please! The park is really beautiful and I’m hoping to enjoy the time outside.
We will be home by Sunday afternoon, which will give me a chance to unpack and decompress. My son will be high off almost 48 hours of intensive time with his friends, and my daughter will have had the weekend to recuperate at her grandparents’ house. Sunday afternoon will be lovely.
So yeah, this week has sucked. I was dreading it all month (which also sucked!) and it was just as bad as I expected and now it’s almost over. At least everyone else got to have their fun. And I guess I survived. Even if I did get metaphorically punched in the face.
Guess who just got booted from the “only had Covid once” club?! Yep! It’s me!
Boooooo!
Here are some thoughts on having Covid a second time, two years after my first time and 4.5 years after the initial lock down.
5 days in the symptom timeline
Monday my throat was twingy but I really thought it could be allergies or something else. By the evening I still wasn’t sure, but still went to the Pulp concert and drank and danced and had a great time, because I felt pretty much fine. Monday night I could not sleep at all and by Tuesday morning I felt pretty awful.
Tuesday I tested positive for Covid immediately. Like the minute the liquid hit the test line it was bright pink. I put on a mask, opened the windows and let my husband know. I also put in for a sub. Then I made the kids’ lunches and headed to work, so I could get ready for said sub. I spent an hour in my car in the parking lot finalizing sub plans, then made some copies, dropped them off and headed home. I felt pretty bad on Tuesday – no fever but lots of body aches and shivering then sweating. It wasn’t great. I was surprised that night to realize I probably wouldn’t feel well enough to go to school again on Wednesday, so I put in for another sub and wrote sub plans and posted work on google classroom. Luckily, Wednesday is my light day so it wasn’t that hard to pull stuff together.
Wednesday I felt pretty bad in the morning – more body aches and sweating then shivering. I took three short naps, which is unheard of for me, even when sick. I was freaking out that I’d have to take yet another day off (Thursdays are impossible days for me to be out), but by 3pm I started feeling better. I had been isolating downstairs, but my husband had to stay at work and then go to Daughter’s Back-to-School-Night, so Son was going to be upstairs alone for a LONG period of time, so I came up with a mask on and we watched a movie together from far ends of the living room (with the windows open and the air purifier near me cranking).
Thursday I went back to work with a mask on. I felt pretty decent all day, despite no breaks (not even for lunch because I had to recruit kids for yearbook during the Club Fair). By the time I got home I was pretty exhausted.
Friday has been much of the same. I honestly feel pretty much fine at this point. I have a little bit of a stuffy nose, and light cough, but most of the colds I’ve had in the past two years were worse than this on day four.
5 Reasons I really don’t like wearing a mask
I know some people still wear masks out in the world, but I was so happy when that stopped being required. I really dislike wearing a mask, and these are five reasons why.
They hurt my ears. Even though I wear a strap that holds the back of the ear straps off my ears, they still hurt my ears and eventually give me a headache. I have never found a mask that is effective and doesn’t make my head hurt.
I can’t wear my glasses. I know people have figured out how to do this, but I have not. I can’t wear contact lenses, so when I’m wearing a mask I really struggle to see. This is especially difficult at work.
It makes my eyes hurt. Even when I manage to get a good fit on my mask, the air that escapes by my eyes makes my eyes dry and painful. At the end of the day of wearing a mask my eyes actually ache. Like I want to massage them. It’s awful.
My face breaks out. It broke out before I had rosacea. Now that I have rosacea, it’s even worse.
It’s so hard to be heard in a mask. Teaching in a mask sucks. It’s the worst. The kids can’t hear me and if they can hear me they can’t really understand me. Teaching a foreign language in a mask is an exercise in futility. Truly, there is nothing I dislike more than trying to teach in a mask.
5 ways having Covid was different this time (two years later)
The first time I had Covid I had to stay home for 10 days or until I tested negative. I tested positive first (in my family), on a Saturday morning. I believe I tested negative on day nine so I was able to go back to work a day “early.” I missed six work days, and my friend was able to sub for me the entire time (this was HUGE and kept me from losing my mind). The days I missed did not come out of my regular sick leave, they were paid for by the district (through the state I believe).
This time I missed two days of school, but only because my symptoms required I stay home. Those days will come out of my regular sick leave. I was allowed to come back after that, and I believe it was only “recommended” that I wear a mask. Of course I’m doing that, because it’s what I would want my students to do if they were at school with Covid. If I’m symptom free on Monday, I will probably not be wearing a mask, even if I’m still testing faintly positive. I will keep the air purifier running and the doors and windows open though.
Last time we totally sequestered ourselves and didn’t go anywhere while we were sick. This time I have taken my son to the dojo and school (with a mask on). Today I’ll probably go shopping while he’s at the dojo, because I was supposed to go earlier this week and we really need food.
Last time we felt weird telling people we had just had Covid. This time I’m telling all my classes that I’m wearing a mask because I have it. Kids have come up to ask me about it and I’ve told them and it’s fine. The stigma seems to be gone, at least in this community.
The last two times one of us have had Covid (my husband in June 2023 and me now), we were about to travel (June 2023) or someone is about to travel (my husband next week), so we have isolated the person who has it. I wonder if the next time someone in our family has it, if we’ll bother doing that at all. It’s so hard on the parent who isn’t isolating, I’m just not sure it’s worth it anymore.
5 Covid data points for our family
We all have had all the vaccinations and boosters available to us, except for the most recent booster, which we were planning to get tomorrow. Husband and kids are still planning on getting it tomorrow, as no one seems to have gotten it from me yet.
We all had Covid (at basically the same time) in early May of 2022. The immunity that bout provided allowed us to travel to St. Louis, London and Hawaii that summer without getting sick again, despite many close contact situations.
Daughter had Covid in February of 2023. She had a gnarly cough and we didn’t test her, but instead all went to a small cabin in the snow for the weekend. I ended up sleeping between my kids in a queen bed for two nights, while my daughter basically coughed straight into my open mouth and I didn’t get it. We were all in the car together for long stretches, recycling the air (because it was cold) and no one else got it. We tested her when we got home, before she was supposed to go back to school, and realized she had Covid. I’m still shocked none of us got it from her. Transmission really makes no sense to me.
Husband got Covid in June of 2023, right before our trip to St. Louis. Again, no one in our family got it from him.
Son has only tested positive that first time in May of 2022.
5 reactions I’ve had this time around
Shocked. I have to admit, when the test turned positive so fast I was shocked. I’ve had so many colds in the past two years and I’ve tested every time and they were all negative. To finally test positive again really threw me for a loop.
Guilty. I felt stupid for not testing the night before and felt bad when I texted all my friends to tell them I tested positive that morning. None of them were upset, but still, I felt like a jerk, even though I really didn’t realize I was sick Monday evening.
Grateful. At the same time that I felt bad for being near my friends, I was so grateful that I got to see them and hang out. I haven’t seen these high school friends in YEARS and we had such a nice time catching up. The concert was amazing and I’m so glad I got to see Pulp live one last time.
Nervous. I’ve been nervous all week that my husband (who has a trip next week) or my son (who has a camping trip next weekend) will start feeling sick. I would feel AWFUL if either of them had to miss out on their special plans because I gave them Covid.
Frustrated. I have been meaning to get the booster for a couple of weeks, but kept pushing it back. If I had gotten it, maybe I wouldn’t have felt as sick, or even tested positive. I know I’m so lucky that our symptoms have always been mild and my family has not suffered any long lasting negative health outcomes from our exposures to Covid. Still, it sucks to be dealing with a sickness that still blows up your life so much more intensely than other random viruses. I just wish I could have avoided it all a little longer.
