I wrote that post on Monday night. On Tuesday morning my husband threw out his back getting out of bed. The last 48 hours have felt like a marathon at sprint speed. I didn’t once wax philosophical about how I might cultivate some enduring inner calm during this crisis.
To be clear, I have no interest in learning anything new or developing some new skill. I guess I just wondered if I could grow in the face of adversity, instead of shrinking away from it. But maybe just standing in it, and making it through each day, is resilient enough.
This is really hard. I’m working long days. Very long days. I’m never done and I rarely rest. I’m lucky that the end of the school year is in sight. I can’t imagine what that parents who need to keep working through the summer, without childcare, are thinking and feeling.
Right now I’m at a park. My kids have traveled a “secret passage way to an ancient fairy shrine” (straight from the mouth of babes) and I’m enjoying a moment of calm. But instead of just sitting here and taking a moment, I planned next week in my Notes app and now I’m writing this post. Maybe what I’m looking for is ways to recognize, and take advantage of, the calms in the storm better, so I can carry that skill bravely (or just more patiently) into this new world.
I’m looking forward to the school year being over. I’m burnt out as a teacher and as a parent helping her own kids navigate distance learning. But I have to admit that the summer, with its long stretch of nothingness, the vast sameness of dozens of days, terrifies me. What will we do? Who will we be when it’s over? How will we keep doing this in the fall?
Stamina has always been my thing. I’m not fast, but I can go far. I’ve ridden centuries on my bike. I’ve run a marathon. I can do long distances. But this? This feels like it will never end. I think I need to change my mindset, so that I’m not wondering how long we can keep this up, but accepting that this is our life now. Forever. Maybe then it won’t feel so terrifying to look 2 or 5 or 10 weeks ahead. Maybe the gray nothingness will become a comfort instead of something that sets my teeth on edge.
My dear heavens.
You seem to have no idea how amazing you are and what you are doing. Parent of two, married, working a very full-time job that just doubled down with demand and pressure, partner now in pain, you took kids to a park and worked on your job. AMAZING.
I do not know the answer to schools this fall but, right now, my conclusion is this summer you focus on being in SF, helping your kids develop more independence skills, writing/reading/math abilities, and self entertainment without screens (as much as you can) while exploring their city.
AND, setting up a year long instructional plan that assumes you will be teaching on-line.
I HOPE that isn’t what has to happen but I think if you prepare materials, outlines, sequences for on-line you will be best prepared for either outcome or even a mixture. Being prepared is your best defense.
For your own children, look up the state guidelines for their coming school year skill/learning objectives/goals and figure out how you can ensure they stay at grade level under collapsed public school circumstances. Because, again, worst case scenario.
You have always been resilient and, you are right, you don’t quit. So look at it all as a very long horizon, assume we have a new normal now. Assume it is not a few months but a two year timeline with no return to what was normal in October 2019. Assume we will face as big changes as yet unknowable and focus on flexibility and grace. Plan for continuing changes and uncertainty with flexibility as needed. This is what you did about growing a family. It was hard and not fun and there was grief, unknowns, and frustrations. But you came through.
It is interesting. I write this and have such faith in you and your generation; and see it applies to me too. And it is so hard. Despite more decades spent keeping on. I feel low … then I see your generation responding, help and hope.
THANK YOU.
This whole situation is definitely a marathon, not a sprint. I think you have the right idea in focusing on small periods of calm and of just getting through.
I am one of those parents who need to keep working through the summer, without childcare. (Our local Boys & Girls Club is offering summer day camp, but I don’t feel comfortable exposing my children to that many other children, given my higher-than-average risk for complications if I catch COVID-19.) It is definitely far from an ideal situation, but I will just have to muddle through, as I have been doing for the past two months. At least I won’t have to manage distance learning for about 3 months!
I came back in hopes that people would be scoffing at my dire point of view.
I will continue to hope to be wrong. Fingers crossed all schools will figure out safe solutions that are inclusive of those with great constraints. I hope on-line 100% is not needed, I hope all teachers and all students have safe solutions.
I am also inspired by all of you “muddling through”. I AM SO PROUD OF YOUR GENERATION, you are being with such courage and keeping your children moving forward. The news media focuses on sensationalism but the quieter voices who ‘muddle forward’, who work while their children are at a park with glorious imaginations, you are making the difference and are keeping us going. THANK YOU.