Too much to ask?

Wednesday are usually my one day to get a workout in during the week. Sometimes I can squeeze one in somewhere else, but Wednesday is generally sacred. Except yesterday there was a meeting to communicate our concerns about the delayed construction to the board, and well, I felt I should be there. Of course it ran late and then I didn’t have time to run before I picked up my daughter and her friend from a drama class they go to together.

I was feeling really frustrated, especially since I really HATE picking up from the drama class because it’s a PITA to get to, and there is no parking, and it takes forever to take the friend home and then get back to our house.

{Then why do the class? Because our daughter has been interested in drama and we aren’t very good at signing her up for outside classes, so when my friend said her daughter was going, and she could take them, I jumped at the opportunity, because I couldn’t get up to the city in time to get them over there. So my friend takes them from aftercare to the class and I pick up. Also, my daughter really likes it. So I suck it up and do it since our daughter never does anything while her friends are constantly taking swimming lessons, tennis, soccer, softball, art, and other fun stuff.}

So I was stewing in frustrating and anger about missing my workout, when I remembered my husband had attempted to go back to work but had come home after lunch because “that was a BIG mistake.” He could pick them up for me!

So I called him, and of course he was not at all interested in helping me out. First he felt too shitty. Then he didn’t know where it was or how to get there. (Um, GoogleMaps much?) Then I wasn’t going to be home with the car in time (I picked up our son AND was home in PLENTY of time).

I had already cancelled my call to Guatemala because I knew he couldn’t manage bedtime by himself, so I was feeling pretty frustrated that he wasn’t going to do this for me. I ALWAYS do afternoon pick up, I was the only one to drive them both to all their swim lessons, I took my son to his soccer, I take our daughter to Girl Scouts. I do freaking EVERYTHING afternoon or extracurricular, and he couldn’t do me this one solid?

{Also, once he had me take our son to school when I was staying home with the flu and it was FUCKING awful, and I had to stand in line at a Walgreens to get myself medicine and the line literally parted so I could go first and pay, after which the woman CHANGED registers because she didn’t want to be near anything I had stood in front of, that’s how bad I looked. So in my mind, asking my husband to drive when he has a man cold isn’t off limits.}

So I told him fine, I’d do pick up but he had to do bedtime, and I’d workout then. Except I HATE working out that late, and I knew he’d be slacking and I’d end up picking up that slack after working out so I called him back and said, nope, he was going to pick them up and that was that.

So I rushed to get our son and brought him home, then handed over the keys so HE could drive through that super annoying part of the city and HE could park four blocks away, and HE could herd the two girls back to the car and HE could field questions about whether or not there was a treat, and he could sit in traffic on the way to the other girl’s house, and then HE could drive back to our place.

{I was really nice in getting our son because he gums up every part of that sequence, ESPECIALLY the driving part because he wasn’t desperately to participate in their conversations and games and they want nothing to do with him, which never goes over well.}

I’m now almost done working out and he is probably just dropping off our daughter’s friend, if that, and I am SO HAPPY I stood my ground, even though I’ll end up doing bedtime by myself, and he will probably pout until he collapses into bed, the poor sick dear.

Things between my husband and I really have been better, which I think is why I’m so baffled (and frustrated and hurt) by our recent exchanges. I think it’s the cumulative effect of some stress at work for him, my increased responsibilities at my daughter’s school, and his parents glaring absence. They used to help us, and especially him, a lot, and they just aren’t here anymore. I suspect it’s hitting him harder than it’s hitting me (although I REALLY miss how they used to pick up our son once a week).

Whatever is going on, we’ll have to find some time this weekend to talk about it, because I don’t want things to keep being like this.

6 Comments

  1. Reading this made me happy. Having read half of it I was worried that you gave in and picked up your daughter, good for you that you didn’t! It was definitely the right thing to do, and it would have been completely unreasonable from your husband not to do that.

    (For my husband and I, it would be impossible to stop doing simple things like driving kids around because of a common cold. Influenza is a different matter but to stay in bed because of a cold…we would never get anything done).

  2. Glad you plan on having a discussion this weekend. He should be improved by then which will help him to be able to talk and listen rationally. Good wishes on that. Remember, he honestly does not think anyone else is as sick as he is when he gets sick. That may help you cope with his thinking and attitudes.
    Hope your today goes well!

  3. I can see why this would be such a frustrating situation. You’re running around, sacrificing your self-care time because your partner is feeling under the weather and not wanting to help shoulder some of the load. I think your observation about his parents is spot on. Based on what you’ve written before, it seems they shouldered a lot of these responsibilities for him and he’s struggling with them no longer being in the picture. It doesn’t excuse him not helping you (its a cold . . . Mucinex was created for this reason), but I’m thinking exploring this more with him when he starts to feel better would be worthwhile.

    Good luck. It’s definitely not a fun battle.

  4. I LOVE that you called him back to tell him how it was going to be. Good on you!

    “the poor sick dear.” I almost woke Bryson up, I was laughing so hard!

    Dads are funny. I just got an appointment (TONIGHT AT 5:00) for tomorrow morning to see my OB/GYN to get a cyst taken care of (it hurts) and it’s at 8:30 in the AM. I asked Brian if he could keep Bryson and if not, no biggie I’ll just give him my phone and he can wait behind the curtain. “You think you can take him to Dr. H with you? To have a procedure done?” Well, yes, I do. Because I DO IT ALL THE TIME. I still don’t know who’s t taking Bryson tomorrow and it really is no big deal either way… I’m the mom and I always make it work. 😂

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