This fall has been a tough one. Everything feels really hard. At the very least, everything is taking a lot of time. I’m bringing work home now, almost every day. I get to work at 7:30 (or earlier) and have over two hours of prep time during most days, and I’m still bring home work to grade, and plan and prep. I don’t even have a new class this year! I can’t figure out why I feel so underwater at work always.
My house is a mess. I can not get out from under it for more than 24 hours. I’m mad at myself for letting the stuff accumulate to the point where it’s unmanageable, because there is no way I can do a real purge anytime this school year. Maybe when the kids have a different spring break than I do, but by then the school year will basically be over.
Parenting feels hard these days too. My daughter is 12 and in 7th grade and of course that is hard. You’d think I would excel at parenting a 7th grader, since I spend all day with 7th graders, but I honestly think my job makes it harder. By the time I get home I don’t want to deal with middle school stuff anymore, but I can’t avoid it. I’m swimming in middle school angst and disorganization and attitude ALL DAY. I knew these years would be hard, when I had a middle schooler at home, but honestly I didn’t realize how hard it would be.
It feels harder to take care of myself. We have meetings every Wednesday now so I can’t run during the week (and I especially won’t be able to run once the time changes). I miss running. The dojo changed its schedule so my son and I can’t really go at the same time anymore. Martial arts, like everything else in my life, just feels like so much work.
I just want something to be easy.
The one thing I have going for me is my marriage. Things aren’t always great, but it’s definitely not the hardest thing in my life right now, and for that I’m very thankful. There were many years where my marriage was really difficult, and I’m glad those years are (currently, though I’m sure not forever) behind me.
And now I have to go because I have so much work to do and not many Sunday night hours to do it. Blerg.
It IS hard. You have correctly identified the factors involved. The exception I would raise for your consideration (because I could be wrong) is the amazing free time and fabulous vacations you had this summer. Which were all the right choices to make in my opinion. But it makes the contrast way bigger and the return to school and routines and lack of freedom even harder. Recognizing this (if true) won’t change anything however.
Can you have a discussion first with your husband where you both brainstorm some ideas and then a 4 way discussion with your kids about their ideas for solutions? Are they able to purge their excess on their own yet? I am guessing chronologically they are not. But an hour per child with a neutral grownup MIGHT help. (I am thinking a grandparent whose only task is to keep asking keep or not without judgement, and if a ‘keep’ where is it kept.)
The bottom line is: you feel overwhelmed because you are. And the weekly meetings at school are a new thing that feels like an imposition and … perhaps…. of no value to you. WHY are they happening this year? Can YOU define their purpose? Can you reduce the paperwork you need to grade? Have the students check their own work daily and then do a brief test once a week that is a recap directly from their homework… maybe two items that if they did and understood their homework would be fast and easy?
But: bottom line is: you feel overwhelmed because you are.
Good wishes and much support. The weeks will pass, you will get through this. Middle school years are VERY unsettled, for everyone.
Great advice here with concrete ideas of steps to take. Love it.
I do think that having a neutral party weigh in on your things for a purge is SO helpful if there’s anyone you can trust for that. Back in the day, I’d chat on the phone with my bestie and ask “do I keep X? Y? Z?” and they’d make the decision for me so I didn’t have to get sucked down the sentimentality drain that always traps me. Even if I only did 15 minutes of that at a time, it felt like I’d eventually build some momentum that didn’t steal away all my decision making abilities.
Now, I might imagine texting a friend if I’m not sure about something and ACTUALLY text them if I just don’t have the brainpower. It seems like it’s always easier for them to weigh in on a thing for you, and vice versa, than it is to make all the decisions on your own. Not because you can’t but because they have so much less emotion invested in the whole thing.
I’m really sorry it’s all so full of stress now. Sending love and hugs, and hoping you can find some respite amongst everything that is so overwhelming right now.
And I know I haven’t commented in ages! 12??!! Seems impossible. lol But I wanted to drop in and give you some love.