Not a Wasted Word

I’m not in a great head space. This week is going to be a tremendous slog, and I just want it to be over. I fear I will push a bunch of work to the break and then be resentful when I have to work over the break. If I want to get it done this week I have a lot of long nights ahead of me.

Our bathroom is getting torn up this week and I’m so salty about it. It’s not just the $8K (but ho boy does the $8K take my breath away), it’s also the inconvenience. But mostly it’s the fear. My bathroom is one of my favorite rooms in a house that can drive me a little crazy. What is they bust it up beyond repair? What if I hate it when it’s all over.

I feel like we’ll be spending a spectacular amount of money and I’ll probably like the space less when they’re done. Blerg. Why do pipes have to get holes in them. Such bunk.

I feel like I’m not even showing up here in the ways I wanted. I told myself I could do this, but maybe I can’t. At least not in the ways I wanted. I know it’s okay, but I’m still disappointed.

Mostly I’m just not sure why I’m getting my ass handed to me so hard this school year and I’m nervous about it. Is it really my student teacher? Or did I just take take on more than I could manage when I tried to accommodate so many students wanting Spanish? Or am I just getting old and run down and unable to keep so many balls in the air?

Sorry, didn’t meant to show here like this today but it’s where I’m at.

Here are some photos of the cats, who survived their vet visit. We may be investing in two micro chip feeders that will (in theory) keep Serval out of Panther’s food dish. He is a solid sir who evidently can’t get any more solid lest the weight gain cause him to develop diabetes. 😬

We’re all glad it’s over!

The rest of the weekend was quite lovely. I’m still more behind at work that I’d like, but I’m trying to be okay with it. My grades aren’t due until after the Thanksgiving break, so I have some time.

Saturday I went to the dojo for General and Sparring. There we’re only four is there for the General class and I got some one-on-one instruction about new blue belt techniques that I still don’t feel super comfortable doing. Sparring was fun. I ran that class for the first time and my efforts were recognized.

When I got home everyone was out so I cleaned up and did some laundry. In the afternoon my daughter and I went to watch her two friends play an important volleyball game. Their team won and will go on yo the Championships on Thursday!

We went to our friends house afterward to hang out. The moms watched the Warriors game (not a great one) and the girls hung out doing whatever 8th grade girls do nowadays. We headed home pretty early because my husband had been stuck with our son all day and he wasn’t feeling great.

Sunday I made pancakes. Pumpkin pancakes. So many pumpkin pancakes. My son doesn’t like many foods that pack easily as lunches, so every few weeks I make two boxes worth of pancakes and freeze most of them. Sunday was that day. I do love TJ’s pumpkin pancake mix. I ate a lot of pancakes, as did everyone else.

My son and I walked the 13yo to a birthday party. When we got home we left to run and bike ride on the Great Highway. It was a beautiful day and I’m so glad we made it out there.

It was not my best run, but I loved being out with my son and the weather was beautiful. He hasn’t been on his bike and had a great time.

In the evening the kids and I saw The Marvels. I couldn’t find my Goose shirt and I was pretty pissed about that, but I loved the movie. I love Captain Marvel and the Ms. Marvel series too, so it was awesome to see them on the big screen together. And of course Goose stole the show.

I have one (or more!) things every day after school this week, starting with a vet visit for both cats tomorrow. Please think of me at 4pm PST time tomorrow. There is no way or can go well. 🤣

It was a year ago this weekend that we brought these two crazy cats into our lives. It has been a roller coaster ride ever since.

We adopted them from a feral cat rescue as a bonded pair. They are not siblings but they have been raised together since they were a week old. We consider them siblings, and I imagine they do as well.

They play together a lot. Serval (on the left) is constantly messing with his sister. But Panther brings it plenty herself. (Serval and Panther are their blog names – even my cats remain anonymous here!)

Sorry I can’t write much more about them tonight, but my guess is you don’t mind pictures instead of words on this topic.

(If you would like to see more cat photos you can do so here and here and here and here.)

Today I did pretty much nothing. And it was nice. And dare I say, needed. But now I have so much to do. Sometimes I wonder if do-nothing days are worth it. Yes, you get to rest and recharge, but then you’re faced with even more the next day.

At least it is a three day weekend, so I still have 48 hours to get some stuff done. And next next week is Thanksgiving break, so whatever isn’t done at the end of the weekend can probably wait until the break.

I’m trying not to let the looming to-do list stress me out too much. Everything will be okay, eventually.

The long weekend has officially begun and I am here for it!!!

I was able to leave work easily – it felt different knowing my student teacher was in charge of the two periods, NOT that I was in charge of making the two periods work for someone else.

The high school tour was fine. I don’t really get them, but I’m glad we went. And my daughter had friends there to bounce thoughts and ideas ofd of so that was good.

My parents came up and got the kids. And now date night begins. We’re definitely getting a drink and having dinner, but we’ll probably come home after that to chill out with some home made cocktails (my husband’s speciality) and furikake popcorn (my speciality).

Last night I meant to do work but instead I snuggled with these cats and watched some TV. #noregrets

I’ll get the work done this weekend. We have three days. I am so here for this long weekend.

I hope every who gets it has exactly the weekend they need. Cheers!

I committed to NaBloPoMo on Friday, after assisting until 6:30pm at the dojo. On Saturday I left at 9am to wine country, and didn’t get home until Sunday at 5pm. Monday night I taught the Basics class at the dojo and last night I went to sparring. Both ended at 8pm. I have been sleeping badly, despite the fact that falling back usually helps me sleep better. I’m pretty sure what I thought was allergies is actually whatever dry cough is making the rounds (and ho boy is it ever – this bad boy is catching!) Its been a whirlwind first week of November!

I’ve had 95 assessments burning a hole in my expandable folder, and all my Day of the Dead stuff reminding me that I have to put it away. I have been feeling VERY underwater this week. And I’ve also been trying to accept that feeling and let it go. I knew that today would provide a little space, and that I just needed to wait for that space.

Today I came to school not feeling great, but I was determined to get out from under the piles that have been accumulating all around my classroom. And I kind of did! All the Day of the Dead stuff is packed away, and the 12 kids who were absent last Friday took their assessment today.

I ran on the way home. A short run, but it felt pretty good, considering how awful I felt this morning. I ran two unpleasant errands on the way home, and it feels good to get those out is the way.

Tomorrow I’m leaving work early, but I had no trouble getting coverage for my two block periods because my student teacher is teaching. Thursday is my long, hard day because I have four block periods and no prep. I’m pretty thrilled to be missing half of it. And it’s a long weekend!

I’m leaving early for my daughter’s last high school tour. There are certainly worse reasons for leaving early (like taking both cats to the vet, which I’m doing on Monday). The kids are going to my parents’ house tomorrow afternoon for a spend the night, so my husband and I can spend some quality together. It’s been a long time since our last date night. I’m looking forward to it, and to the long weekend.

Today I introduced my “Pirámide de Participación” at school. It’s the crown jewel of my Spanish program. I’ve been tweaking it for several years and now I just need to make sure it works with over 125 students.

Of course the kick off was more hectic than I was hoping. But in the end I think it went well. A couple of my more reluctant learners were very engaged. They had a lot of questions and we’re already planning how they can strategize to win the most prizes. Some even asked if they could take books home!

I wore my Profe Pulpo hat in all its glory.

I had their boards ready in their hanging files.

And of course I had the library ready.

I really hope this year is a success. I struggled to keep up last year, and when I saw my numbers for this year I immediately started brainstorming ways I can streamline the process for larger classes. As I was telling the kids today., if everyone reads the required five books this year I’ll have over 600 responses to process. The reality is it will be more like 1,000 because many of them will do extra. It’s a lot. But hopefully it will go well and be rewarding for them and for me.

I’ve spent the last two weeks (maybe more) managing a raspy throat, wondering when the actual cold is going to hit. But it never does. And then I remember that the same thing happened in the spring and I finally decided it was allergies. I even went back to my allergist, who I haven’t seen in years, to see what she thought. So maybe this is allergies? Except I don’t have many other symptoms (my eyes are fine) and everyone and their mother has a cough that sounds a lot like my raspy throat clearing. Maybe I’m not getting the full cough because I’ve had this particular bug before?

I just wish I knew. I wish I had a diagnostic system that could tell me what is going on, so I could commit to the appropriate treatment, instead of taking Umcka and Airborne for four days and then doubling down on Allegra and Nasacort for another four.

I get allergies shots already, so the thought that I could have symptoms like this again twice a year is a giant bummer. Maybe that is why I’m in such denial. And if I get retested at the allergy department, and they find a new allergen I need added to my shot, I have to go back to newbie status and get them twice and week and then once a week for I don’t even know how long. It’s been years since I had to go that regularly. I wonder how bad I’d have to feel to do that.

I told my son I wished I had a diagnostic system to tell me why I felt like I did (he has similar undiagnosable symptoms) and he said, why don’t you just wish you didn’t feel this way at all?

Touché my boy. Touché.

The weekend was a success. I enjoyed myself and I think others did too. I’m really happy I went, and I didn’t even return home exhausted!

Each kid was with a set of grandparents so my husband isn’t exhausted either. That is good because last week was looong and tiring and this week will be busy too.

And we get an extra hour!

This evening is back to real life. I have planning to do and projects to grade. I’m at the dojo Monday and Tuesday, after an unplanned hiatus last month. I need to get coverage for my last two block periods on Thursday because of a high school tour. Then a long weekend!

I really need a long weekend. One where we don’t go away.

And I need to sit down and figure out when I’m going to write posts and reply to comments and read other people’s blog posts and write comments. I can do it all, but I need to be strategic about when. And I don’t want to go to bed too late doing it because this is a time when I try to reset my sleep cycle a little earlier. I need to take advantage of this opportunity to get more sleep.

So it’s a lot but I’m determined.

I thought I’d start NaBloPoMo (on the fourth day) with a little intro post. My About page is… playful? Fun? Annoying? Definitely not helpful. So if some new people are going to stop by this month, I might as well let them know who I am.

And I just can’t get the caterpillar from Disney’s Alice in Wonderland out of my head. So I’m adding him too.

So who am I?

I’m a 43 year old middle school Spanish teacher. I live in San Francisco (the super expensive doom loop city!) with my husband (of 15 years this winter!), my 13-year-old daughter and my 10-year-old son. Oh, and my two kitten cats (they just turned one this summer) and a bearded dragon. We have a house on the south (aka more affordable) side of the city, that we “bought” (feels weird to say that when it’s not even half paid off) 11 years ago. We had to rent out our in-law unit to pay our mortgage for a while, but after a $20K buy out we get to walk behind our car to our bedroom! Four years later and it’s still glorious to have two bathrooms, for real for real.

I am around middle schoolers ALL DAY so I sometimes talk like them. No cap.

Who else am I? I have ADHD, which I treat with a Ritilin-equivalent. I was on anti-depressants for over 10 years before my ADHD diagnosis and none of them worked and I’m SO THANKFUL for ADHD medication. It saved me.

I started blogging 15 years ago when I was trying to get pregnant and processing my ectopic pregnancy. I found an incredible online community around that and wrote copious amounts of words a week on my previous blog. I closed shop there a while back and briefly tried posting under my real name, but shut that down pretty quickly. I’ve been writing anonymously again in this space for close to a decade. I don’t post photos of myself or my family here, and I’m not on social media (at all) because I’m terrified of my students finding me and making me miserable. Also social media is not my friend. Or even my frenemy. The fear is real and I will never overcome it.

But blogging was my literal world for several years there. When that community of ALI (Adoption, Loss, Infertility) bloggers slowly fell away (as people just stopped writing after they completed their families with our without children), I was left with a rather sizeable hole (gaping felt like a strong word to use in an intro, but it’s appropriate).

I’ve kind of stumbled along here despite never really finding that community again. I think part of why I’m excited to participate in NaBloPoMo this year is I love the idea of finding some of that online comradery again.

We shall see…

Sorry I’m ping ponging all over the place. Turns out it’s hard to pin down who I am…

I have lived in SF for over 20 years. Before that I was at UC Berkeley and before that at my parents’ house on the peninsula (near where I now work). I spent seven-ish years in Hong Kong as a kid, when I was very young and then from 2nd to 7th grade. I really loved living in Hong Kong and thrived on the independence I was allowed there. I had a hard time in middle school when I got back. 7th and 8th grade were truly some of the worst years of my life. I find it kind of hilarious that I ended up there in perpetuity.

But I love my job. I really do. My native language is not Spanish, but I fell into this job 20 (!!) years ago and am so grateful I did. I get to fly under a lot of the radars that regularly force public school teachers out of the classroom, and I get to flex my creativity when I have the time and energy to do so. I’ve built a really popular program that exploded this past year and I’m learning what “be careful what you wish for” really means. But I don’t regret it. At least, I don’t want to.

I work out a fair amount. Right now I run and strength train and practice martial arts. I’m a blue belt at a dojo that blends karate and tae kwan do. I also run for run because how can you not when the weather is beautiful all year round. I swam competitively in high school but destroyed my shoulder and stopped (I was never very good – I swam mostly for the friends, and the endorphins). I cycled a lot with my parents in my 20s and have ridden several centuries. I love to run and have completed one marathon and several half marathons. I also dabbled in rock climbing for several years. Basically I love to move my body and feel strong, and exercise is my number one go-to for mental health management.

My relationship with San Francisco can be complicated. I love this city, but it can be really hard to raise a family here. Especially on the salaries of a public middle school teacher and a city employee. We’re both pretty high on our salary schedules, but it never seems to be enough. We live in a pretty modest house, and only have one car, but we’re also in one of the most expensive areas in the US. We’re lucky we got into our house when we did. We plan to leave when we’re wheeled to assisted living (if we make it that long). Our kids go to public schools in the city, and even though the district can drive me all kinds of crazy, I believe strongly in public education and that is where we intend to keep them.

My husband works for the city, where he was born and raised. You don’t meet a lot of born-and-raised San Franciscans who still live here. He’s a unicorn. He loves the city. His job is centered around trying to improve it. It can be demoralizing to attempt to do that. But he always knows what is happening and we really do take advantage of our urban lifestyle. We go to museums and music events regularly. Our kids are learning to get around by themselves on the buses and trains they take with us every day. I love this life for them, and I’m glad we’re lucky enough to be living it.

I have to stop now, and I’m sure there are things I’ll be shocked I forgot to mention, but I’ll feel those feelings when it they hit. Because right now I need to schedule this, shower, and start some laundry.

This is how excited I am about NaBloPoMo. I hope you’re more excited to be here than my cats. 😀