Not a Wasted Word

It’s so incredible to have a two week break from real life each winter. I always feel like I’m desperate for a break from work at this point, and I absolutely savor the time away from work and the daily grind.

But re-entry into real life is hard. I found myself really struggling yesterday to not fly into a full-flung panic. It doesn’t help that we have a PTA meeting AND a parents’ Night Out back-to-back at the end of the week. It also doesn’t help that it’s supposed to rain all week (our school lacks a lot of resources necessary for managing 700+ students in the rain – like a cafeteria (the kids eat outside normally) and protected walkways to all classrooms (many classrooms modular units or portables set away from the main campus, like mine).

But Monday is a professional development day, which means we don’t have students yet, and for that I am SO, SO THANKFUL. Last year there were teachers from another district who got the day after break for professional development watching me teach, which meant I had to do all sorts of energy-intensive teaching when instead I wanted to do something very low key. That was really challenging. This year is the exact opposite, and I can spend today dipping my toes into re-entry instead of jumping into the frigid waters of reality.

I rallied at the end of the last week and graded a bunch of papers and took the kids to work so I could make copies, so I’m actually in a way better place than I expected to be at this point. My plan is to take the week really slow, and let the kids have the time and space to re-accustomed to reality that I recognize I need.

My own kids really struggled yesterday. My dad helped me install the hitch they got us for Christmas onto our car, so we got home later than I anticipated from picking them up. The afternoon was peppered with melt-downs and tantrums. The good news is they were really tired and ready for bed at 7pm (at least my son was).

I slept in way too much this break, so I was not tired at 7pm. At least not the right kind of tired.

We tried to do a lot to get ready for this morning. We put out all their clothes, and their rain gear. We had the non-perishable parts of the week’s lunches ready. We even had their water bottles filled and in the fridge. I find that the first morning back is hard, but not as bad as the second morning, so I hope we get everything ready again tonight.

I spent hours and hours tidying the house on Friday so the cleaning lady could have unfettered access to the floors and counter tops. The place looks amazing right now, and I want so badly to maintain a certain level of neatness now that the Christmas tree is down and the holiday box is put away. I hope to institute 10 minutes of family clean-up every night. I know we can do this if I just remember; I need to make it a habit, but I struggle so much in the first weeks to insert it into our schedule. Hopefully with my husband’s help we can manage it this time. It’s a new year and the house is clean. Let’s run with this, let’s keep it going.

How has re-entry been for you?

According to the lists you can find online, a “traditional” gift for a 5th anniversary is wood, and for a 10th anniversary is aluminum. Since it was both our 5th and 10th anniversaries this year, we exchanged presents that incorporated those two elements. I got my husband a key ring with wood sided by aluminum and the numbers 5/10/13 engraved on the back. He got me a chunky necklace aluminum chained necklace with a chunkier wooden pendant.

My parents took the kids from Friday evening to today. I’ll pick them up in about an hour. We had the house clean and stayed in SF for our anniversary weekend. Friday was the actual day so we had a fancy meal that night. We spent Saturday on Alameda tasting spirits and eating yummy meals. We were home by 7pm and didn’t go out for dinner again. It was a really fun day, despite the rain and overall blustery weather.

I’d never been to Alameda before, but I really enjoyed it. The views of the city were amazing.

We haven’t had a date weekend in a long time and we really needed to reconnect. It was nice to do so after two relatively low-key weeks – it didn’t take us quite so long to slow down and reconnect.

Tomorrow real life resumes once again. I’m glad we had this short interlude together before we’re thrust back into the daily grind.

13 years together.

10 years since our civil union ceremony at City Hall.

5 years since we were married at my parents’ house.

I truly hope this is just the beginning.

Well it’s already January 3rd and I feel like I’m WAY late to the new years blog post party. Everything these days is either a retrospective of the past year or resolutions about the next. I’m not super interested in either (for myself, I like reading other people’s). The look back part takes so much time, and while I do think it’s important to remember what I wanted to accomplish and think about why it did or did not happen (usually the latter), I also recognize that doing that in the past has not gotten me any closer to my goals. Mostly looking back on a year just reminds me of why I abandoned my goals, and reaffirmed their abandonment.

Having said that, there are a few things I want to focus on. Again. They are all ideas I’ve already visited a million times, but have to revisit for attempt number one million and one because I know they would make my life better.

Mostly I want to get rid of stuff because man how it has crept in again. It’s every where and again I feel like I’m drowning. And while it’s still easier to clean up than it was back when I was desperate enough to get rid of so much stuff, I’m realizing that knowing where everything goes isn’t enough to improve my life. I need to have less stuff if I want to spend less time managing it.

My kids got a ton of new toys for Christmas and I so want to get rid of some of the older toys my inlaws gave them long ago. Part of me wonders if I should give them back to my inlaws, but then they will know I am getting rid of them. Of course, they may get mad if they find out later that I just gave them away. They know I don’t like the big toys, so I suppose it won’t be a surprise for them either way. I will check in with my husband to see what I should do. Having his support in whatever I decide will help.

On other fronts, I have a few goals, but I’m not going to write about them yet. I have put some other “accountability” safe guards in place on the biggest one, and I hope to write about it soon, when I’ve actually made some progress.

Not really sure what else to say at this point. I felt like I couldn’t post anything else until I acknowledged the new year and let you all down with my stubborn refusal to participate. Maybe I will go back and look at some older posts and return with a different mindset. We shall see.

My son snatched my phone and hit post before I was done with the last one. I wanted to ask how everyone’s holiday was. I hope you or your family weren’t sick! And if you were, I hope you made it through.

This was me Christmas Eve morning :

You’ll notice the bowl on the ground, just in case.

This was my husband on Christmas Day:

His father and sister also got it, so we didn’t see them yesterday. Instead we limped through Christmas morning at our own house (we’ve never done that before!), trying to keep up with our kids (who thankfully never got sick), then headed to my parents’ house for the afternoon (where my husband slept on the couch most of the time).

I even felt well enough last night that we made it to the crazy three blocks of lighted houses near my work (without my husband of course).

We’re hoping to do Christmas with my in-laws today, we just have to check in and see if they are well enough. If not we’ll try for Saturday (my husband works both tomorrow and Friday).

It sucked being sick on Christmas but we made due. And the kids were well and had a great time, so that’s all that really matters. Us adults can suck it up. 😉

I spent the past two hours throwing up. Not how I envisioned spending the holidays. Today we are supposed to be at my parents, and I’m not sure how we’ll play it.

I’m worried because I was snuggling a lot with my nephew yesterday. I really hope he doesn’t get this!

I’m also worried about my kids and my husband (and my in-laws!). Maybe this is what my daughter has and she’ll be okay.

Man, this is a real bummer. So much for happy holidays.

Today is our last day of school before break. While I will admit that I like Christmas to be earlier in the two week break, working until the 21st is kinda rough. The kids are totally checked out and crazy, and it’s hard to get anything productive done. Today is a short day, and it’s basically glorified babysitting. I’m even leaving early to participate in my daughter’s holiday party.

Yes, she is back at school. Her weird stomach bug has passed and so far it doesn’t seem like anyone else got it. This is the second time she has gotten a stomach thing that lasted 48 hours and only struck at night. She pukes at night, then can eat all during the day, then feels bad again before bed, then pukes again a second night, then is fine by the afternoon of the second day. It’s weird. I hope she isn’t making herself sick with anxiety or anything. When her brother was born she threw up in the evenings like this for three nights, but no one else ever got sick and eventually she got better. At the time I thought she just got a bug and thanked god the newborn didn’t get it, but looking back I assumed it was psychosomatic – that the intense transition to having a sibling made her sick. I wonder if that is what’s happening now too.

The new year is coming and I’m trying to think about what serves me in my life. I notice I still read some blogs that definitely don’t make me feel good about myself or my life, or that simply annoy me, and I know I would never keep those people in my life, so why do I invite their words into my mind? It’s interesting how it can be hard to let go of things that don’t make us happy. I used to tell myself that I should expose myself to stuff that annoys me or gets me down so I could work through those triggers but I’m realizing that I just don’t mesh with some personalities and that is okay. It’s not making me a better person to read their words, it’s just bumming me out or aggravating me, so I’m going to let them go.

There are other habits I want to let go of that will be harder. I guess we shall see.

I’m definitely feeling better than I did when I wrote that last post. I think making it through the work week, as I pushed to get my kids ready for a test they took yesterday (I did not wait for today! I learned my lesson!) was wearing on me more than I realized.

My daughter is sick and we are scrambling to figure out coverage in these busy final work days before the holiday and break.

We’re also not sleeping much, because of the puking.

I’m feeling a little down these days. The holidays can do that to me. I miss friends who are no longer in my life. I miss family who has distanced themselves. I wonder what is wrong with me that I push so many people away. I know my loses are relatively small, but they still hurt. It’s just a dull ache in the background, but it’s there.

I’ve really struggled to stay focused at work this week, and then I can basically get nothing accomplished at home. I’ll have a lot of work to do over the break to get caught up. But today is basically my last real day of teaching as tomorrow is a short day with assemblies so I don’t have much of substance planned.

Not much else to say today, but at least I said something.

 My husband has developed a really horrible case of Adult Onset Eczema (Atopic Dermititis). His arms and legs are covered in large, red, extremely itchy patches. It looks horrible, and feels worse. He’s never had eczema before; while he would develop dry patches on his skin from time to time, they always went away with a few days worth of lotion.

He finally (after weeks of the rash spreading all over his body) sent pictures to his doctor, who offered to make him an appointment with a dermatologist, but also suggested it was probably eczema and ordered him an ointment that should be here later this week.

I feel bad for my husband. He is dealing with a fair amount of discomfort. And from what I know of eczema (both my kids had it so I’ve done some research and seen some dermatologists), its really hard to get rid of. The stuff I’ve read online about adult onset atopic dermititis is really disheartening. Its very possible he could be dealing with this for the rest of his life.

I wish I knew why it showed up so suddenly. I haven’t changed laundry detergents. He hasn’t changed his soap or shampoo. He hasn’t changed his diet or eating habits. He did travel overseas in November (to Bogotá), but we went to Colombia this summer too and he didn’t have a reaction then. I just can’t fathom what caused him to get such an intense case of eczema when nothing, really, has changed.

If you have any experience with adult onset eczema and have any suggestions for managing it, please let me know. If you don’t want to write about it in a comment, you can tell me you have more to say and I will email you. Thanks.