Blerg

So, it turns out that synthesizing multiple articles, along with my own thoughts, and the thoughts of others, in a cohesive, insightful way is hard. Really hard. And it’s taking me forever to do it.

It doesn’t help that Saturday night I drank too much and Sunday morning I felt horrible. Like, hungover, horrible. I was supposed to be at work by 9am and that is where I was going to take some quiet hours to work on my post, but at 8am there was no way I could get out of bed, let alone drive for 30 minutes on the highway, so I lost my chance. I was super frustrated with myself.

I didn’t end up making it to work until 11:30, which means I had less than an hour to make copies and get a few things together to bring home before I met my daughter and mom at a youth theater production of Aladdin Jr. that some of my students were in. At least by then I was feeling better.

The rest of the evening went okay and I thought I might even be able to write the post Sunday, while I exercised but I quickly realized that wasn’t going to happen. It’s one thing to get on the elliptical and get down about of stream-of-consciousness drivel like this, it’s quite another to jump back and forth between my outline and links and wordpress’s draft page. I gave it a good ten minute go, but I wasn’t getting anywhere.

And I still have to make six seating charts before I go to bed. So yeah, it’s not happening. Or by the time you read this, it will have failed to happen.

Ugh, the I-was-super-hungeover-and-only-feel-marginally-better workout is not fun. It’s going to be a long 45 minutes.

But before I sign off, I want to get out a few thoughts that have been churning in my head of late. They aren’t really big enough to be posts in and of themselves, but they are worth putting out there.

• Saturday my parents took the kids after my son’s nap because my husband and I were seeing a comedy show (SF SketchFest is in town–my husband and I have been going for ten years). We wisely decided to get busy before we went out because I knew we’d be tired when we got home, and I wasn’t sure we’d have time the next morning (ha! or be hungover!) so we commenced sexy time, but I was having such a hard time getting into it. Finally I realized that I was stressed about the general state of the house, and the busy Sunday ahead, and I just couldn’t push either from the back of my mind. Once I realized what was happening I was able to get past it relatively quickly and we ended up enjoying ourselves (finally!). Later I told my husband why I thought I had struggled so mightily to get in the mood. I think he kind of understands. The weekend we spent together in December the house was clean and we had four days to do with as we pleased; it was super easy for me to get in the mood then. It’s a lot harder when every where I look I see a mess to be cleaned or laundry to be folded. I’m not sure how to handle this moving forward, but I think recognizing it is a good first step.

• We found out Friday that my daughter’s teacher will be out for four weeks because of an emergency surgery. There is little chance they will find a long term sub, which means the next month will see a revolving door of substitutes who have no idea what they are doing while the room descends into chaos. This will be stressful for all of the class. My daughter will handle it especially poorly.

• We are THREE WEEKS AWAY from being done with vision therapy. The only thing I have more eagerly awaited was finishing graduate school (when I was working full time with a six month old). To say the last eight weeks has been challenging would be an understatement of epic proportions. There are few things I loathe as much as those fucking exercise, and the hell they make my life. I cannot wait to be done with it. And the really great news is that my daughter has progressed amazingly well–she’s almost already where they want her, the final weeks are just to buildup the neuropathways she’s been creating so that she will never have to have vision therapy again. Three weeks. I can do three weeks. We’re soooooo close.

• My daughter’s “selective eating” (I read somewhere you should use “selective” instead of picky”) is becoming more selective. As the range of her approved foods narrows, it’s becoming harder and harder to find something she is willing to eat. Her breakfast and lunch every school day is the same thing, and at this point there are only a handful of things she’ll have for dinner. We clearly need to change something, but I’m not willing to do that until we’re done with vision therapy. There are only so many battles I can fight in a single evening.

• Things with my husband continue to be better. He is still stepping up on the home and child care front in ways he didn’t used to. He’s still not bitching about it. I’m learning to let him do things I used to do, and to not feel guilty about him doing it. I’m learning to leave my martyrdom at the door. Things are good, and dare I say it? I think they may even get better.

• {My only wish is that it were easier for me to get away. I actually have an idea for how to make that happen, but of course I can’t afford it. I’ll write more about this soon — for realz this time, I actually wrote it in this post but it got too long so I pulled it out. I’ll put it up tomorrow.}

• Holy shit how do I still have ten more minutes on this machine?! I know I’ll feel better for having exercised but right now I just want to be done! For the love!

• I finally started Ready Player One and am, only one fourth of the way in, totally and completely obsessed. I really hope it maintains my attention and enthusiasm for the remainder.

• Did you know that if you do something you want to undo on your iPhone–like select text and then paste over it instead of copying it–you can shake your phone and a “undo action” button will appear. It’s like Command+Z for your iPhone and evidently it works in multiple apps.

And I’m pushing 1.000 words so I’ll let you all go. I wish I could write my middle class post as easily as this one. Thank you for your patience as I attempt to tackle what is clearly more than I am capable of.