Not a Wasted Word

RIP summer break!, as my daughter would say. Tomorrow I’m contractually obligated to be at school, participating in professional learning. It’s always a rough day, but I’m thankful for it, because I wouldn’t be very productive on the first day back anyway, so I might as well flail about in a bunch of meetings, instead of when I have time to do things I actually care about.

The first day back also is a reminder of how bored our students are on their first day back, which is why I always plan games for the first couple days.

I can’t really believe summer break is over. I feel like I really wasted this past week. My house is in shambles, my classroom is a mess, I didn’t even manage to get the kids’ rooms in decent shape, despite them being home this week. It definitely feels like I failed, and I fear I’ll really be regretting my lack of effort later. But honestly, I could not seem to muster whatever was required to get shit done this past week and half, so I guess I just have to hope that the repercussions are not too dire.

Anyway, I am soooo glad that I had a week and a half of re-entry time between Hawaii and returning to work, because ho boy did I need it. I can’t remember a time when I was less productive than last week. My brain really did feel broken, and all the articles about dementia floating around (I think a study came out linking impaired sight and hearing to dementia at earlier ages?) were not helping.

But tomorrow I’ll have some time to put my “working” hat on, and hopefully I’ll even get a few things done before 3pm.

After 3pm, I’ll be borrowing my friend-from-work’s truck and taking it to another friend’s house to load a refrigerator into the truck bed. Then I’ll be driving home, and hopefully getting it upstairs so we can see if it will work in our kitchen.

I have to admit, I’m VERY ambivalent about this fridge. I’ve been actively NOT committing to it for years, (yes, you read that right, years PLURAL) but my friend was finally like, I NEED to get this out of my house and since it’s free, is a little bigger than our fridge, has a bottom freezer, and (almost) fits in the very restrictive spot our kitchen has for a refrigerator, I feel like I can’t pass up the opportunity. We’ve been worried our fridge would bite the bullet many times, and buying a new one is so uninspiring because the only two that fit are basically the exact same as what we have. This one is different – bigger and nicer – and it has a freezer on the bottom (which I’ve wanted for a while), and measuring suggests I’ll only have to cut about 3/4 of an inch from the bottom lip of our cabinet for it to fit.

I feel like I used to be ALL about taking advantage of a situation like this, but now all I can think about are the things that could go wrong. What if we can’t get it out of the house, or into the truck, or out of the truck? What if it still won’t fit, even if I cut the cabinets? The freezer door opens outward and the trays pull out and what if that design annoys me? What if the extra 2 inches of depth is really annoying when we’re opening the doors? What if I move everything out of the old refrigerator and we can’t even get the new one in the spot!? And then I have to put everything back into the old refrigerator and then move the new one downstairs to the very back of the house. (This is the only reason I committed, because the downstairs fridge is truly heinous and we have plenty of space down there for a bigger one, so we will be using it regardless.)

Ugh! I really don’t want to be doing this, but I’m worried I’ll regret it later when my fridge dies on me and I can’t find anything else that will fit there except the exact same boring fridge we already have, and it will cost $800 to boot.

Blerg. I really do not recognize myself here. I used to be so gung-ho to attempt stuff like this, but right now I’m freaking DREADING the whole endeavor. At least we’re getting the first really hard part done tomorrow, so it’s not looming and amplifying all the other back-to-school anxieties.

Speaking of back-to-school anxieties, we’ve been managing some REALLY big feelings around starting high school these past few days. Today, I asked my daughter to go through some of her larger books, and she made a pile with all her books about dragons and fairies, and then she promptly started sobbing and I realized I had picked exactly the WRONG day to be doing any of this. We did a lot of snuggling in front of the fifth episode of Good Girl’s Guide to Murder afterward, which almost made up for it, but still, it was an unforced error I’m definitely regretting. Luckily the teeth cleaning appointments and ADHD meds/sports clearance appointment went fine. Her pediatrician even called me in the morning and asked if we’d like to take a newly opened spot to see her instead of the random guy, to which I very appreciatively said YES! The pharmacy even had her ADHD meds in stock! A miracle!

Tonight I went to the dojo and I was able to SIT ON MY KNEES! Like fully and for a couple of minutes. It didn’t feel great, but I wasn’t in agony and it was absolutely the first time I’ve been able to sit that way since my injury in February. I’ve been working on knee flexion again this past week – after taking the summer off – and I was starting to wonder if I’d ever be able to sit on my knees again, so this felt phenomenal. Later, I was able to sit cross legged for the meditation, which was also a first.

Of course, when I stood up afterward, my knee felt kind of awful, and kicking felt precarious, but I”m hoping it will pass quickly and that I can keep making progress toward full flexion in my injured knee. My knee always feels pretty stiff and sore after I work on bending it, so I’m not surprised that it felt especially stiff and sore after today. I can’t really believe that I was able to sit like that today. I honestly got hot eyes, and almost started crying I was so happy.

And this post has been all over the place, just like my brain these days. Here’s to hoping tomorrow at work is not awful, and that we can at least get this refrigerator up to the city without too many issues. If anyone has any refrigerator-moving advice, I will definitely listen! Please share!

First of all, seeing Chappell Roan at Outside Lands was phenomenal. Her performance was amazing, the crowd was INSANE (the largest crowd ever recorded at Outside Lands), and we all had the best time. I am so, SO glad that I got to go.

And now, some other wins, both small and not so small, that I’m trying to appreciate right now.

• Our Gap order came really early, which means I was able to start the returns for my daughter’s jeans (too big) and my son’s school shirts (too small) today, AND order replacements while the sale was still going on. Luckily, the only thing that did fit was my pair of $10 final-sale vegan leather black pants. Woot!
• I was able to set up a new cell line on my daughter’s old Apple Watch. Sure, my husband had to get the number changed from a Philadelphia area code (WHY?!) to an SF area code, but otherwise, I managed it. I’m really bad at stuff like that, so I’m considering it a win.
• I was able to return a pair of Nike’s I bought for my son in mid-July (but we hadn’t opened yet because they are WHITE), so he could pick out his first pair of Air Jordan’s today. They were on sale but still VERY expensive. He better not have a crazy growth spurt in the next few months.
• I was REALLY bummed out that I forgot to bring my friend’s birthday card to the dojo on Saturday so I could leave it in her locker, but it ended up being a nice to have to walk there this afternoon. We even dropped the Gap stuff off at UPS on the way into the Mission. It was sunny for the whole (4+ mile) walk and we did a nice combo of listening to our audiobook (sharing my AirPods) and chatting. Oh, and that is when we got the new shoes.
• At the end of the walk, my son practiced walking home from school by himself. I walked about two blocks behind him, and could see him most of the time. He did a great job, and feels confident that he can walk home by himself next week. (Right now he’s on the wait list for three afternoons a week at aftercare, and I will admit I kind of don’t want him to get in, so we can stop paying them at all. My husband feels differently. We’ll see what happens.) I can’t believe how mature my youngest child is now. We’re entering a whole new area.
• I got my allergy shot this morning, followed by my bi-annual pap smear. The two appointments were at two different Kaiser buildings, but the timing was perfect for me to drive from one to the other. Oh, and my ADHD medication was actually refilled last Friday when I ordered it. That hasn’t happened in AGES. So it was all ready for me to pick up this morning. Hooray!
• Speaking of appointments, two teeth cleanings opened up this Wed morning, the literal last day of my summer break, so I can take the kids in together before school starts. I had to cancel their cleanings in April and the rescheduled appointment was in October, which was basically six months after the one I cancelled. I’m glad we got in before school starts.
• I was also able to get an appointment for my daughter Wed afternoon to be checked so we can refill her ADHD meds AND get her high school sports form filled out. We won’t be seeing her regular pediatrician, but it’s the guy who saw us while our regular Ped was on mat leave so at least he’s not a total stranger. ( We just saw our reg Ped at the start of the summer, to get a camp physical filled out, so it’s not such a bummer to miss her this time.)
• I remembered to text my friend before her medical procedures today, and to text my other friend on her birthday. I also texted two other people with birthdays today (three birthdays on the same day!) It felt good to actually remember to show up for people, even in small ways. I’ve been so scattered and distracted lately, I was worried I was going to forget.
• Tomorrow (Tuesday) I’m taking my son to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk because we don’t have anything planned and I we need to use our value season passes once more to make them worth it. The value passes don’t work on weekends, so a random Tuesday before schools starts it is!

And now it’s technically Tuesday, so I’m going to put this bad boy up. I’m sure I’m forgetting something (I’m ALWAYS forgetting something these days), but I’m determined that actually pressing “publish on this, will not be what I forget.

{I almost forgot! I went to upload the photos to WordPress and then got distracted and was heading to bed when I realized I never hit publish! This is my life now. My brain is seriously broken.}

We’re back, and my brain is a jumbled mess of planning for the few weeks, preparing for the new school year, and looking back on how much fun we had this summer. Please excuse the lack of direction in this post.

Living on the west coast, we always fly east, and lose time, to go somewhere and fly west, and gain time, coming home. Hawaii is the only place where we fly east, taking the longer flight out and gaining time on the way there, and then fly west going home, with a shorter flight, but losing hours. I was very struck by how weird it was to be behind our normal time on vacation and to come home with it feeling earlier than it was. Very, very weird.

I’ve recently started listening to English-language audiobooks at 1.25x or 1.5x and I really felt like our Hawaii trip had a 1.25x vibe. It was our longest trip to Maui and yet it felt like it went faster than any of the others. I wonder if that’s because we feel so at home there now, and there isn’t any of that traveling-induced friction that makes you hyper aware of every moment when you’re away from home. We feel comfortable in the house, and know the island really well. We also know what it’s like to share space with this particular group of friends in this setting. The whole thing is just so easy, and I think that makes time feel fast on that trip. I’m really glad we were there for so long. We’re so lucky to have the opportunity to go somewhere so amazing, but have it be so affordable. The reality is we would have to save up for years to afford a week in Hawaii by ourselves, so I never take for granted that we’re able to go like this.

This was our first “issue-free” trip to Hawaii. No one was (knowingly) exposed to Covid before we left, the cats did not (literally) lose their shit, and we even flew home without any day-long delays or long stints on the tarmac. We’re finally out of the cycle of Alaska messing stuff up and then giving us credits so that we ultimately buy flights with them again. Hooray! No more Alaska Airlines for us! I think in the future we’ll be flying Hawaiian Airlines to Maui. We really liked them on our flight back home.

That is, if we get to go to Maui again. That trip is predicated on our friends being able to get the house, and then inviting us. As long as those two things happen, we’ll probably keep going.

Our flight was pushed back, which ended up being nice because we didn’t have to rush to leave the house. We were home by 10pm, which was late, but for us it felt like 7pm so it wasn’t so bad. The kids both have camp today. Our daughter struggled to get up, but it was for a camp she really wanted to attend (Ceramics and the California College of Art) so while getting ready was grumbly, she was in good spirits when I dropped her off.

The 10yo has a half day camp down at my school this week. I’ll be working in my classroom while he does some STEM stuff. He’s not thrilled about it, but he really struggles with long, unstructured days so he’s going! Luckily they both start school a little later than we anticipated, and get all of next week off before going back.

I start back (with staff days) next Thursday and Friday. I can’t really believe that, and I’m glad I have half days in my room this week to get my in the correct mindset. I’m also glad I have three days of nothing next week before I have to be back in staff meetings. Ugh, I hate district-mandated professional development.

But before anyone goes back to school, we get to see Chappell Roan at Outside Lands! My wristband came in the mail and I’m so excited. My husband and daughter are going, as well as my friend and her daughter. It’s going to be so much fun! I can’t wait! I’m also really curious to go to a giant music festival. It’s been years (maybe a decade!?) since I’ve been to any kind of giant concert, so I’m definitely interested to see what they are like nowadays.

I started this post yesterday and I’m going to post it now, so I can get back to unpacking everyone’s luggage and storing everything away. I have to admit, after so much travel it’s a relief to pack it all away knowing that we won’t be using it again for a while. I don’t know why packing and unpacking is so stressful for me – others seem to manage it fine – but it is and it makes the bittersweet quality of the August a little sweeter. I can’t wait to have all the packing cubes and luggage put away.

I doubt I’ll be able to put up daily recaps of this trip, so I’ll have to settle for installments. Let’s see if I can get up the first one!

Saturday 7/27

Our flight was at 7am. I wanted to leave about a half hour earlier than my husband. We compromised on 5:15. The Lyft driver was late and then missed Terminal 1 and had to circle back. The check-bag drop off line was crazy and TSA was more crazy. Luckily my husband was able to add Pre-Check to his ticket so he checked the bag and got through the faster line in the time it took us to go through the regular TSA line. We got to our gate right when our group (F, so not an early group) was boarding. I do NOT like cutting it that close. No thank you. Next time I will not compromise on when we leave the house, even if it is that early.

Luckily the flight was fine (after the first hour when my son had his head in an old air sick bag I’d saved from another flight – a ginger ale made him feel better) and we landed without issues.

Rental car pick up also went well, especially when we saw that the SUV I rented at the last minute was a beautiful 7 seater with leather interior and all sorts of other fancy accoutrements. The lumbar support alone is worth the extra $100 (how was it only $100 more than a mid-size sedan?!), even if our friends don’t end up driving anywhere with us (that is why we got a car with extra seats).

When we arrived at the house we were greeted by friends with drinks and presents for us.

Saturday was a long, languid day (we arrived at the house at 10am local time!) of hanging out and greeting friends as they arrived. We swam in the ocean and hung out in the hot tub. Then we all ate dinner together outside, to the sound of the crashing waves.

The first night I was so tired I felt like I was hallucinating, so I headed to bed at 8pm. I was up super early the next day, so I headed out for a run.

Sunday 7/28

This was my first run in Hawaii. I’m not sure why I’ve never gone out before, probably because it’s always warm here and I wasn’t quite sure where to go. But this is our third year here so I knew where the bike paths could take me and at 6:00am it was cool enough to head out. I’m so glad I did. It was awesome to be up right after sunrise. I love experiencing a beautiful place on a run. It’s the best.

Back at home, we took advantage of our first full day to go snorkeling. As always, it was amazing. It was especially fun to show our friends our favorite places to snorkel.

We stopped for lunch on the way home, and saw this bird just walking on the stop of a bush by our table.

We had another dinner together at the house on Sunday night. Then there was Olympic Games viewing. I went out to the hot tub to look at the stars, which were marvelous.

Monday 7/29

A lot of the adults at the house had to work on Monday, so the families with kids went to “Tommy’s pool” as we call it, because well, it is Tommy’s pool. And it’s magnificent.

This whole trip is predicated on the kindness of a few individuals who have tremendous wealth and love to share it with others. And I’m so happy that they do. I mean, look at this freaking pool. That is just at someone’s house. (To be fair that someone designed and built the pool so…)

We stayed there all afternoon, playing in the sun and water. It was a beautiful day.

In the evening we went to the Maui Brewing Co to eat dinner. Then at home we watched more of the Olympics.

Monday was a very clear day. Even Io Valley was clear! This morning (Tuesday) we woke up to rain and it reminded me how lucky we’ve always been with the weather here. I hope that keeps up after today!

Today was a DAY! And I was realizing in the middle, when I felt like I had hit ALL THE WALLS, that I haven’t had a day like this in a long time. I guess I really am getting some rest this summer. Hooray!

Today I was up at 7am to check in for tomorrow’s flight. I was already up, because when I’m stressed, and know I have a lot to do, I wake up really early and can’t fall back asleep. That was this morning, despite the fact that I couldn’t fall asleep until 1am last night. Boo!

I had to leave around 9am, which gave me a little under 2 hours to get stuff done, and I used that time wisely. I did a big clean on one of the cat boxes, cleaned up and vacuumed my son’s floor, started a load of towels, and washed some dishes. I left right on time, and was down at my parents’ house to pick up my son’s stuff by 9:30am. I hung out with them for about 30 minutes, and then headed to the sleep away camp to pick up the girls.

Camp pick up went fine. The girls were clearly exhausted. They each shared some highs and lows. They talked a little about the week. After about 20 minutes they got quiet and closed their eyes. They were clearly worn out.

Everyone was home by 1:15pm, and I immediately got my daughter’s clothes in the washing machine. I packed my own stuff into the Cotopaxi bag that she brought to camp. I also packed my son’s clothes (my mom had washed them for me!) My daughter tried on her new shoes (she loves them!) and checked her phone. By 2:15pm I was back on the road, this time to get my son from camp at my school.

I dropped off the piece of furniture in my classroom and took all the busted Chromebooks out of my cart for tech to look at. Then my son and I headed home.

When I got home (again!) my daughter’s clothes were done, so we repacked her for a FOURTH time this summer. Luckily she has been wearing the same set of clothing for each trip, so we can easily see if something is missing.

I did more work around the house, putting batteries in the automatic cat feeders and putting together everyone’s carry-ons. At some point in the late afternoon I realized I lost my sunglasses. I had put them on top of the car yesterday and I don’t remember moving them so I must have pulled out and they fell into the street. I’m so annoyed at myself because I knew I shouldn’t leave the case up there, but I did it anyway. I didn’t even like my sunglasses, and barely wore them, but it still sucked to know I lost them. This is when I really hit several walls in quick succession.

I was about to lose it.

I did pull it together, and by the time my husband got home I had both kids packed and was feeling a little better about everything.

Our flight is at 7am tomorrow, so we’re planning to be out the door at 5:15am. I want EVERYTHING ready to go (except our phones) before we fall asleep. I even want socks on shoes in the stairwell. We’re going to get up, brush our teeth, put on our clothes, and go. There will not even be coffee! (It will have to wait for the airport). It’s going to be rough, but I think we can do it.

I really wish our flight wasn’t pushed up like this. Both kids are grumpy and stressed about tomorrow morning, and I can’t blame them. I know we booked this flight on a Saturday because it was cheaper and because we wanted more time in Hawaii, but I hope that next year I remember how rushed this all feels. I’m pretty sure we bought our flights before I signed my daughter up for sleep away camp, and this was the only week that worked for her friends, so maybe it’s impossible to maintain the margins people need when so many aspects of scheduling are out of our control.

I keep reminding myself that on the other side of all this we’ll be in Hawaii with friends. It’s absolutely worth it. And so far it seems like no one is sick (I just knocked on wood), though I know my daughter just got back and might have something brewing inside her. But we’ll already be there by the time we know, and won’t have to worry about whether or not we should go. You may recall that the day before our first trip to Hawaii, my daughter and I spent 1.5 hours in a car with someone who tested positive for Covid that evening, so we had to decide if we should even go, then the whole family had to stay sequestered in an isolated area of the house for five days. Last year one of the cats was having severe intestinal distress (read: literally shitting all over the house), so I had to stay home for two days while my family went without me. This is the first year that it looks like we can all go together, without issue. Let’s hope that remains the case!

I will try to update again once we get to Maui. I hope you’re all having fabulous final days of July!

Six things I’m smiling about today:

I convinced my husband to say no to a last minute request from work to staff the mayor tomorrow. It’s his birthday tomorrow and he definitely doesn’t want to go, and I’m so glad he told them he couldn’t. It’s hard for him to say no, but it was the right move. he would have been miserable, on his birthday! No thanks.

My daughter and I will be alone at home tonight and we plan to watch the Scott Pilgrim movie, because she is obsessed with the anime series on Netflix. I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with her lately, and she’s about to go to away camp.

My two friends and I will all be driving our daughters down to camp together tomorrow, and then hanging out afterward. Yay for time with my friends!

We will be staying in our regular rooms at the house in Hawaii AND we won’t be there the same week as the newborn baby. We are so lucky to be invited to this house in Hawaii and I would never complain about the logistics, but I appreciate not having any big unknowns going in, especially things like sleeping arrangement changed that might stress out the kids.

I got my daughter new shoes for the new school year. Her one pair of converse was in very rough shape, so it was time. I hope she likes them all and they fit. She recently shot up another 1.5 inches (she is now fully an inch taller than me!) but her feet seem to be the same size. I hope that remains the case because she’s the same size as me. I love that we can borrow each other’s shoes.

I also recently ordered my son new shoes (I lost a beat up pair on the trip) and got him a new backpack at Costco. I just ordered my daughter a new backpack as well, so we are officially ready for the new school year. My son will probably need a new set of grey shirts at some point (he has to wear a grey top and black bottoms to school) but I’ll get those during the back to school sales. It feels really good to know we have everything we need for their school years. My anxiety about the unknowns of new school years manifests as a compulsion to buy supplies, and this year that anxiety has been heightened with my daughter’s start to high school.